A Contagious Smile Podcast
"A Contagious Smile" is a transformative platform embracing special needs families and domestic violence survivors. We illuminate the journeys of extraordinary individuals who've triumphed over adversity and aspire to ignite your own inner light. Through candid stories, we showcase how they conquered challenges and emerged stronger. Our podcast features insightful interviews with experts, offering resources that empower and uplift. Let us guide you in rediscovering your inner light – because every smile narrates a tale of resilience. It's time to share your story and rekindle your spirit.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
Heartache and Healing: Navigating Narcissistic Family Dynamics, Special Needs Challenges, and Golden Retriever Joy
What happens when the people who are supposed to love and support you the most turn out to be the ones who hurt you the deepest? Join us in this heartfelt episode as we unravel the complex dynamics of family relationships marred by narcissism. We begin with a warm introduction to our eagerly awaited prequel "Narc Narcos Air," and Michael’s candid reflections on the book. Through personal stories, we juxtapose the nurturing love Victoria received from her grandparents against the emotional damage inflicted by her narcissistic parents, drawing poignant parallels to our own family experiences.
Navigating the trials of raising a special needs child, we offer a raw and honest account of our journey with Faith amidst the indifference of narcissistic family members. From countless hospital visits to the emotional toll of being labeled the “black sheep,” our stories aim to foster empathy and understanding for those grappling with similar family dysfunction. We also delve into the manipulative tactics used by narcissistic parents, exploring the emotional confusion and turmoil they create, and share insights on therapeutic support systems that can aid in healing.
Amid the serious discussions, we lighten the mood with heartwarming and humorous tales about our three golden retrievers, whose unwavering loyalty and antics bring joy into our lives. We also have a thoughtful conversation about the importance of accepting and loving our pets just as they are, including the playful consideration of a dog's unique identity. By sharing these experiences, we underline the importance of resilience, empathy, and the support of loved ones in overcoming familial adversity and embracing the joyful moments that life offers.
Good evening and welcome to another Contagious Smile, unstoppable. In the background you can hear my husband laughing, because this is take two and we are here to talk about all sorts of things going on, but we're going to start with the release that is coming of the Narc Narcos Air book, which is the prequel to who Kicked First, and I have asked the love of my life, my soulmate, over here, to look at it and read it and tell me his thoughts on it, and then we're going to talk about.
Speaker 1:Narcissus tonight in different capacities. So what did you uh think of it? Is it a muster? And he's going to be incredibly honest. He's not going to be like, well, it's my wife, I have to whatever, but what is your take on the book?
Speaker 2:so you? My wife writes very thoughtful and and of course I'm not into her type of books that she likes to read what don't look at me like that, but uh you mean the type I like to write yes, you said read, read and write.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, because you don't read any of the sci-fi stuff, but I would like to read. Yes, so I was correct in my statement. Thank you very much for correcting me. You're welcome. Anyhow, she gave us an insight on you know, the makeup of how she was brought up as a little girl, as a teenager and then a young adult around her loving, very, very loving and caring grandparents, and then the contrast of her narcissistic parents biological sperm donor, egg donor, what have you and it just it's very insightful on who Victoria is and was back then. She's very insightful on who Victoria is and was back then. She's very much her grandparents and none of her biological parents, and you'll see that throughout the book and hopefully you'll see that she's passed the same traits on to her daughter. Right, what Her?
Speaker 1:daughter, her daughter Not our daughter. Well, she, her daughter, her daughter.
Speaker 2:Not our daughter. Well, she's bathing our dogs right now?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you always say it.
Speaker 2:Well, she's my daughter, okay, and we'll get into her books later, which you can get on Amazon.
Speaker 1:But we both have had narcissists in our family besides both of us. And the fact that when you first started but we both have had narcissistic family sides both of us. And the fact that when you first started reading it and for people who don't know, michael and I know each other for 25 plus years. He has met them, known them, known of them, known their reputation, and so people understand that. And when he was reading this he even said to me I'm trying to remember you said I don't understand how you're not the most bitter woman in the world and why did you say that?
Speaker 2:Because of all the shit you've been through. I mean, for a father to sit there and whether it was dangling something before you or making a verbal threat hey, you better not tell your mom about this. We're going to do this and you keep your mouth shut. Okay. And being a child, you're going to do this and you keep your mouth shut. Okay. And being a child, you're going to do what your parents say. You know, at some point you're going to rebel, you're going to become a teenager. But if, if this has been instilled in you since early, early in your life you're going to be mentally trained to obey, okay. Just like baby elephants, they put a big chain around their leg as babies and they learn that they cannot break it. And then, when those elephants, let's say if they're in a circus, they only use a small rope to keep them attached so your metaphor is that I have this big element that's where you went, I really well.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm just saying Another fat joke, well, you know. No, it's the same concept. You've been trained to think. Hey, I'm chained with this big chain that's indestructible, I cannot break it, I cannot get away from these people, I must do what they say. And then later on, when you have more control, when you have more power, you don't realize it. Okay, it took. It took what it took, so much. It took you, at the very breaking point, to up and leave, and, with the help of your grandmother at the time, you were able to leave.
Speaker 1:But I want, and our shows are never rehearsed, they're all cut as you can tell. But I want, and our shows are never rehearsed, they're all cut as you can tell. But, excuse me, what was ironic is that when I was getting older, my bio parents mostly my bio sperm donor would actually say that I hated my grandparents and I wanted nothing to do with them. But and, like I said, Michael's been in my life for 25 plus years is that if you ever went to any place I ever lived, any apartment I ever had, every room in every apartment had pictures of my grandparents. When faith was in the NICU, it was her grandparents pictures that were over her head in the incubator as her guardian angels. But they would say that I hated to be anywhere near them. And if you have known me for one hour of your life, you would know that all I talk about are my grandparents. Like in our home here where we are now, there are pictures of my grandparents wherever you look, in every room.
Speaker 1:They are in every single room. They are and like our, and when you come into our home, we have a huge, huge wall and it's pictures of family that you know. Our family and my grandparents are there and it's to to be told. Of this constant. I was constantly berated and I didn't know, because back then, narcissism was a word, narcissists were a word you know, and so it was a much different time than it is now. And you were saying earlier that, like you didn't have that with your grandparents but you had it with your mom. Because why, why did you?
Speaker 2:you didn't have it. Your grandparents and I understand that your dad wasn't in- the picture, but that wasn't your dad's fault. No, what do you mean?
Speaker 1:why I didn't know. I'm saying you didn't know why your dad wasn't in the picture.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't know. I had a narcissistic mother because of how young I was. You just don't know. If you're used to being told what to do every day, then some things that we now see are out of the ordinary. You take it for granted. That's just dad. That's just the way he is. That's just the way he talks, Right.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But you know when they start, you know when I read in the one chapter I believe it was chapter four or five where your biological father made you sign a contract. You know that is. That's beyond. That's super narcissistic.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about that for a minute. We have been doing well. We at A Convicted Smile have been doing a series that will be released soon, called Nart Nart you there there, help Me, I'm Gasping for Air and it's been co-hosted with Dana Diaz, who is an amazing person. Hi, dana, you have to go out and get her book Gasping for Air. It's one of my top 10 favorite books of all time and I've read it probably three times now and her prequel is coming out in October and we're going to do everything we can to help her launch that.
Speaker 1:I can say that I am the only person outside of her publicist and her who has seen the cover. And it is amazing. That's all I can say is it's absolutely off the chart. Amazing. Dana is an amazing person. You would think we were cut from the same cloth in regards to the fact that, like she was the black sheep, she was never good enough. But I don't want to tell her story, it's hers to tell. But on the last taping of the series episode we did, we were talking about narcissistic grandparents and we brought up the contract which I had sent her for her to review before we did the airing, and in this contract and Michael has seen it that it says on there certain things. They had just bought their house and I don't think it qualifies as a house as big as it was, like I'm just right at 10,000 square feet, seven car garage, movie theater. I mean, am I missing anything?
Speaker 2:How many stores was it?
Speaker 1:well, they never called a basement a basement, they called it the terrace level, like it was so ridiculous. But it says in the contracts things such as you're not allowed to hang anything on the walls regardless. Um, you have to wear rubber sole shoes at all times in the house. Uh, now let's take, for instance for a moment that faith is now physically, physically, 10-ish, 10-ish, okay, but mentally she is not, which is not really relevant. But I'm trying to to make sense for everyone to understand. She, she has some developmental delay because of all the coding and seizures that transpired during the neonatal intensive care unit stay when she was life-flighted. So, with that being said, they drew up this contract and said that she had to sign it and that I had to sign it. Well, when she was how old? Physically? About 10.
Speaker 2:Wow, and it said you have to wear a rubber sole shoes at all times you can't put anything on the wall.
Speaker 1:And here's where it gets even more absurd, if that's at all possible, is that it says you will not call your grandfather certain words. And when you read this it's just crazy. It really is. And he taught her to give the finger, which he thought was hysterical, until she turned it around and gave it to him. Then it became oh no, and I have pictures of him with her and every time he's with her he's flipping her off Every time. But in this it also says that they finally agree to get trained on her and her medical needs. She's 10. And you're telling me that you're admitting you've never been trained on her. And what people don't understand is, with faith, anybody who has special needs children will understand or special needs spouse really is that every tiny move could be a life altering hospitalization. She could choke on water, she could choke on food. What consistency the food is, her daily implementation of her protocols that have to be in place, you know, and Mimi even went so far as to create a schedule for her.
Speaker 2:But in the schedule.
Speaker 1:It doesn't say anything about therapies, appointments, um. It even writes what time she's supposed to eat, what time she gets up in the morning. But anyone who knows, she's on a continuous overnight feed at this point to sustain life. This is life support for her because she can't take in enough caloric intake orally that she has to be on two feet. Well, when you disconnect her feeding and you kibosh her, she can't eat anything by mouth for at least two to three hours she cannot. But we needed a schedule for her. Disrespecting and having no care at all for my boundaries as her mother saying that she had to get up at this a lot of time and immediately have breakfast, and it didn't even give her enough time to even make breakfast, you had to load, eat it because at this point in time I would say it probably took about half an hour or 45 minutes to consume maybe two ounces, you know, and that wasn't allotted in there neither was the therapies or?
Speaker 1:whatever, and it was. You have to take the dog out whenever we tell you to. You have to do your laundry, you have to do your mom's laundry, you have to do this, you do that. That's not even part of the contract. So the initial that they're going to learn have to do your mom's laundry, you have to do this, you have to do that. That's not even part of the contract. So they initial that they're going to learn how to do all this.
Speaker 1:We're talking about the fact that she can't have CPR and, like other people could, her anatomy's different, the fact that, like she had a feeding tube that you needed to know how to change and not, you know, mess the track up. We were decannulated, so tracheostomy wasn't an issue, but there were so many things that you had to know that you couldn't put something on that could turn into a disco light, if you will, because she had a history of seizures, and a lot of them, and she had stopped, by the grace of God, having these seizures, but they could still come back. They could still come back. So you had to put things in place to make sure that you didn't put on any kind of an effect by a light flickering that could induce a seizure to start.
Speaker 2:So would you say this contract was very childish?
Speaker 1:Yes, but then it says on there in handwriting fine, if it's on there, we agree to spend time with her.
Speaker 2:The grandparents.
Speaker 1:Correct, and then it says on there that we're not allowed to talk about. Folks, this is all in the book my brother who is her, technically her uncle, because this individual means a lot to Mimi. Not to him, it's his son and you'll see why in the book. Like you know, and everybody had to sign this contract Now, people often ask me why is it that I stay over there?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, anybody knows that when you're having a lot, like at that point in time, we have well over 100 ER visits. We had um dozens, dozens of surgeries at that point. We had 20 to 25 appointments a week.
Speaker 2:There was no way that's incredible that you could not hold down a job. You couldn't go get a job and who's gonna hire you know you gotta miss that much work.
Speaker 1:She has to be watched at all times that you know. We have letters from the chiefs of the individual departments of the hospital that have written you must be trained by mom to spend any amount of time at all, regardless of what it is that you're doing, with faith, and these letters are in the book.
Speaker 2:But I had no choice because and nobody's gonna fault you for that right, right, but I've been asked a lot.
Speaker 1:I've been asked a lot. Well, you stayed there, yes, but I stayed there thinking that, even though we never saw them because they were on their way of doing whatever they were doing all the time, the fact that I was able to devote my entire time to her healing and her growth, and the prosperity of her being who she is now, like who she is right now and it was well worth it absolutely, and I had done it again, but it was definitely times where I had to pay the price for it.
Speaker 1:But I thank them for allowing us the opportunity. But they didn't go without benefit.
Speaker 2:I mean that's right for sure you know that's unfortunate, but but, as the reader will see in your book, that is exactly how he is. He will take advantage of you, of his grandchild.
Speaker 1:But he doesn't claim her.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, in certain emails he did.
Speaker 1:And in certain emails he did not. Yeah, you know. There is a letter that he wrote, multiple pages long and I don't want to give too much away where he identifies her, as we have a special needs grandchild who lives with us and that's verbatim.
Speaker 1:And then it goes to say we had to take the little girl out of her room. I mean, who identifies their daughter or granddaughter in that manner like, are you kidding? That's just unheard of. I mean it's, it's crazy unheard of um the fact that it's their way or the highway there's, there's no happy medium whatsoever. And the fact that, like I don't understand how people and I actually had lunch with the, the individual who had been my therapist forever today, who has since retired, and her husband and it it's mind-blowing how, literally, my bio parents care more about the perception of what they have than who is around them. And it's like now you look at it and my older half-sister and I don't know if my brother is still with his boyfriend, I don't know um, but those two individuals were given. You're not allowed on our property. Um, I'm not.
Speaker 1:Faith is not allowed on the property I mean, you know it's unheard of who who gets a. You're not allowed on the property notice to a 14 year old little girl who mentally is like nine at that point.
Speaker 1:You know, I mean it's just unbelievable and I had my doubts about releasing this. But so many people said you know, how is anybody going to learn if they don't see that this isn't just them, it's happened to, that? This is not normal, this is not the everyday you know way about life. You know, and it's tough because, like you, had a narcissistic mom, as you said, but you're definitely the black sheep because you don't even talk to your mom or your brothers. You know, but when something happened to one of your brothers, you and I were both like we'll be right down there whatever they need.
Speaker 1:We were trying to send stuff, you know, whatever we could do, and at that point I never met that brother, right? But that's how you and I are. But we are the bad ones in our narcissistic parents' lives. In their eyes, they turn around and make us out to be the bad ones.
Speaker 2:And so many times in your book you reference that that especially your mother or your biological egg donor would transfer the blame on you.
Speaker 1:For any and everything. I wasn't even there and I would get like it's like climate change is my fault, you know? I mean it wouldn't matter. And then I said to her one day you know I'm writing this book. It's really hard. I'm having a hard time in this section.
Speaker 2:Would you come with it Writing the first book?
Speaker 1:Okay, first. And I was like, section, would you come first? And I was like, could you come up and look at it? And I texted this to her and the text is in the book and she goes no. And I was like, don't you want to read what I've been writing? No, she doesn't care. But when I finished the book I was so excited that I you know I've had it finished. It took me years before I decided to put it out there and it still wasn't good enough, like I just wrote a book and it wasn't good enough.
Speaker 1:It was well, you know, josh has written a paper and it's been downloaded like a hundred times. And I asked her how many times did you download it out of that hundred? Right, because it was for college and that it doesn't matter, you're not as good as him. Because he wrote a paper. And, okay, well, in that paper does anybody reference the fact that he talks about how horrible his home life was? Because he did, and it's referenced in there. But that's not ever mentioned, especially to my bio dad, right? I think one of the most unbelievable ones was when he was graduating college and he's, he's smart. Josh is smart intellectually, he's very smart. I mean, I think his dreams were ripped away from him. He wanted to be a teacher. I truly believe he'd been a fantastic teacher. He would have helped people that needed to be helped. He would have helped the underdog, right, I mean he, he would have believed in the ones that didn't believe in themselves. Seriously, you know, and that's not what you see in education anymore.
Speaker 1:But when he was graduating, they told my bio dad and I don't mean to laugh in a comical way they told him that he was only allowed to bring one person to graduation. Each person was only allowed to have one graduate and one plus one. And I asked where this was being held and he tells me it's at like one of the major arenas in downtown. So I said you've got to be kidding me. I called a school. I talked to admissions. They transfer me to the member. Whoever member, whoever I'm on speakerphone, my bio data is right there. He asks for the graduating class. How many people are allowed? As many as you want. Are they limited? No, okay, they're not limited. You know holidays come around that.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait. So who told y'all?
Speaker 1:Oh, I wasn't invited.
Speaker 2:Okay, who told him?
Speaker 1:Raisin was not going to go because he wasn't invited. Was it Mimi or Josh? Mimi, because they were inviting Claire. They were inviting the half-sister.
Speaker 2:So the mom told the dad only one person to go, and that's me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That's hilarious.
Speaker 1:And it ended up that Claire and Claire's husband and I don't know, but I think their kid also went, but he wasn't supposed to go because it was only a plus one, and I mean, these are just examples of things that make you say oh my God.
Speaker 1:And I told my therapist that you know I had lunch with yesterday. I was like I don't know how I've seen. I really don't. But if I had kept all of the proof of all this this whole time I really would have had a mental breakdown. But there was times I wanted to just give up and not care anymore, but then I would have been just like them.
Speaker 2:But you had your grandmother.
Speaker 1:I did, but I only had her until I was just under 21. That's all. And then I moved out of state because I just didn't want to. Well, I had already moved out of state, but before she passed, I just didn't want to be anywhere near her. We stopped talking. My bio dad and I stopped talking when I was very young, and that made it a challenge, because we were still residing within the same domicile of one another.
Speaker 1:But nothing was ever good enough. I could never do anything that was good enough, and then I spent the beginning of my adulthood just trying to make him proud. He could never accomplish that either. I mean, I would get comments like comments like hey, here's a sharpie marker, why don't you, you know, go connect with us on your scars and? And you'll be busy for hours, or there's not going to be a guy alive who's going to want to be with someone who looks like you, I mean. Or if freddy krueger and the old man had a baby, I guess that's where you came from. And you know, like I said, and I'll say it a million times, I'm very grateful for the fact that they let us stay there, but it wasn't without malice.
Speaker 1:Trust me when I say that, but as a mom, my first priority was taking care of her and making sure that she was thriving, and I couldn't have done that if I was anywhere else, and so I am indebted to them for that and I will always be thankful for that. Yeah, but it doesn't make up for everything they did to your childhood and you know young adult life.
Speaker 2:Mom, it's tough, it really it is tough. And you know I'm not the only one. It's tough to see that you came out so much different for them. And you know, once the, the reader starts reading this book, they'll see.
Speaker 1:You know where your, your drive came from, you know well, and the thing is is that, like for every one picture, there's probably 10 more I didn't put in. So it was quite hard to make the decision of what to put in and what not to put in, and I did redact the faces, I did make sure the names are not the government issued names and there's no geographic placement anywhere.
Speaker 2:So you know it's not specifically pointing and saying ha ha, ha, so and so so so so you know it's not doing that.
Speaker 1:But it is tough because I mean, you saw him firsthand. He was a power hungry, um authoritative figure. That it was his way or the highway. You know that was kind of how it is. You know, I will never forget it happened to me one of the sweetest things ever, would you tell. Do you mind telling everybody what you said you wanted from him when he?
Speaker 2:oh I was. I was gonna actually uh do a prenup and Not by my request. No, and put it on his desk while he was sitting in his office.
Speaker 1:Never on the computer at night, as he states.
Speaker 2:But I ended up telling him the only thing I want from you is your daughter. And that's what I took away from him his daughter and his granddaughter the two biggest loves of my life. They have been the source of my joy and happiness and they are the glue that holds his family together. And that little shit in there washing our dogs I love her to pieces. She's my favorite.
Speaker 1:Don't tell the other kids but now that I'm having a little sorry, but you you have seen how he is and, like you, have run into him several times and not a word since spoken he will not say a word.
Speaker 2:Probably four years. Yeah, three, three and a half four years. Is it four years now?
Speaker 1:three and a half. He won't even ask you be like. I don't care that he hasn't seen me since four years.
Speaker 2:I don't care if he hasn't seen the fact I'm amputated. He doesn't?
Speaker 1:he hasn't seen my amputation, none of that but the fact was known oh yeah, you know, he knows all the surgeries you've had he knows, knows, he's been home. Not by us, but what about the fact how many times we almost lost faith? And he knows all about that. Not one word and never asked you. Hey, man, I know whatever's going on, how's my granddaughter.
Speaker 2:No, not a word.
Speaker 1:Nothing, Nothing. I mean. That's what's so ironic.
Speaker 2:It's just Any of you listeners out there that have narcissistic parents like this. Come on our show and help us understand some of this, maybe because maybe I don't see it the way y'all saw it, or, you know, maybe this is an extreme circumstance, maybe there's some different factors that y'all had that we did not.
Speaker 1:Uh, please write us at contagioussmilecom and, uh, come on our show well, tell me about how it was, as a man, for you to have a narcissistic parent, because we know I'm getting great doubt about like I said, I didn't realize, because when you have just a single parent, Well, she didn't stay single long.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but her, my stepfather, was a different way. He wasn't narcissistic, he was a no-nonsense. Pick you up by the scruff of your neck and knock you around. Hey boy, you don't disrespect, you don't disrespect, you don't back, talk me that you do what I say. Okay, he was going rough house, he's, yeah. So I got jacked up one time. One time. He's a little short italian guy, a lot shorter than me. I was tall kid but he had some guns on you know, he was stout and he picked me up off the floor one time, up against the wall, and told me one time he said there's two things I hate a liar and a stink. And they're both of them. Yeah, and your mother just stood there. She was yelling at him at the time not to hurt me. But yeah, when you grow up with a narcissistic parent, in my case a mother you just say, well, that's how Ma is, that's just how she is. And then you also see later on you see a different side where, oh, she's playing the victim and that's how she gets away.
Speaker 1:So yeah, why do you think more people don't see these individuals for who they really are?
Speaker 2:how? How is how? How is it me? How do you see me coming to attack you, your family members, by telling you hey, victoria, that man is wrong, he's, he's controlling, he's doing this, he's doing that, and what do you say? As the victim or as the child? Just as I did?
Speaker 1:numerous emails exactly I'm saying like people in general that don't see their true colors, but then they still deal with them for whatever reason. On the outside is.
Speaker 2:Is it not kind of like being a survivor?
Speaker 1:Well, a lot of people don't know, because they put that facade on, they put that mask on. You can't change your parents. No, if you paint your nose and your butt, you can't paint your bloodline.
Speaker 2:And if you're in a circumstance where necessity dictates you have to be with them, then you have to deal with it. Put up with it for as long as you can, or until your situation can change, which yours did right I guess that didn't work right.
Speaker 1:Let me see so, for instance, you and my bio dad have someone you both know that you deal with um routinely and routinely. And my bio dad did a lot of stuff for him. But what's mind-blowing is that this individual states how he's so family-oriented, but now he is seeing firsthand how they don't speak to us, like at Christmas party or whatever. And he showed up and we were there. He didn't come over and speak to us or talk to us, and so we just bowed out and didn't go to the next several christmas parties.
Speaker 1:But for people like that that I'm speaking about, they obviously can see that this is what you know is being said, but it's not really what it is. How do they not just be like wow, you know, I mean, how do they? I?
Speaker 2:don't know, because I don't go in depth. Uh, I call it awesome all office gossip. I don't go in depth with those individuals about their change of perception of these individuals, or you know, hey, what's your thought now on this one? You know, now that you've seen over the years, you know, just tell me, is it any different, is it better, is it worse? You know, you say it firsthand, so, yeah, I, I can't answer that question. I don't know how they don't just don't say wow, and then confront me and hey, hey, let's sit down and have a chat. Exactly this is what I'm hearing, this is what I'm seeing. Right, what's going on here? I think I see the truth because I'm hearing something different, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:Narcissistic people will really. They play victim, they really put a number on you and they literally never take accountability for anything that they do. Ever, never, ever can they be held accountable for their actions? Everything gets Like I was blamed for him still working later in life, which to me is ludicrous.
Speaker 1:But we aren't even there and haven't been there for a very long time, and yet he's still working later in life, which to me is ludicrous. But we had aren't even there and haven't been there for a very long time, and yet he's still working. But I'm not even there, right, and I'm not giving financial business of theirs out there. But they didn't need to work and I was paying for 99 of our staff that we were going through, and the answer to everything was well, I'm trying to take care of them, I'm trying to whatever. It's not like there's a mortgage, there's not like there's a car payment, there's not like any of that for any for them.
Speaker 1:But the way of, oh, feel bad for me, I'm an older person and I'm trying to work, to do the right thing, and then years and years go by and oh, I'm still working. I mean, how do you? I guess I just like my therapist said, you can't ever wrap your head around it because that's not who you are and you'll never understand that mindset. Because of the fact that it just doesn't make sense to how that is. I couldn't imagine going to sleep at night and laying your head down on a pillow knowing that you don't even claim your grandchild.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know for a fact, for a fact that my grandfather was supposed to have heart surgery and he was like, if I needed it right now, I'd be on the OR table. He's like I have golf with my daughter, I'm going to or my granddaughter sorry, I consider him like my dad table. He's like I have golf with my daughter, I'm gonna or my granddaughter sorry, I considered him like my dad I have golf with my grandbaby and we'll do it the day after. And he's like I feel I really needed it right now. I'd be on your team. And he was like so guess what? We're gonna do it after. You know, and there were times I stayed in that hospital with him constantly and you know I told my husband he had stitches and then he had, uh, staples in his neck and he would tell me climb the ladder. And I was like what?
Speaker 2:and he, I was little, I was like eight and he was like yeah, you want to feel it feels funky.
Speaker 1:And so I was like what? So I take my index finger and I, like you know, went by my grandmother's direction and cleaned my hands first, and I started to take my finger up the staples and I was like, oh my god, this is weird, right. And then I was like I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt you. He's like no, I don't feel it. I don't feel it at all, nothing, I'm good.
Speaker 1:And then when I had a surgery and I had staples, I was like, you know, I wonder what it felt like for him. Holy shit, that's all I'm gonna say. You know I have a high pain tolerance, but holy shit, you know, when I'm pushing on my staples, I was like he had to have some kind of medication on board, because that is not pleasant, it really is not pleasant. But when you love that person and I know it's such a whack out, you know, reminder, but there's nothing when you love someone that you don't do to those people that you love, and you know I would walk through hell in a handbasket in New York.
Speaker 1:Second for someone I care about, and you know that better than anybody. But I've always been made to be like this heartless, cold, malice, manipulative bitch.
Speaker 2:You know, and the thing is is that if you know me, you know that that's not the case and and there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 600,000 followers on a contagious smile and they could, they can attest to your kindness and your heart.
Speaker 1:I don't know where you got that number from. We have over a million just on instagram alone on the.
Speaker 2:I saw one the other day it said 602 000.
Speaker 1:On one of the contagious smile right, that was just like one of from that um image. Like we put out the video of the upcoming book release and in like seven hours it was 1.2 million. And then the next day I did another video and in like seven hours it was 1.2 million. And then the next day I did another video and it got over 600 000. That could be the number.
Speaker 2:No, I'm talking about just followers, not views right oh, instagram we have two instagram accounts. One of them has over 600 000 the other one has over 400 000, so you put those together and then you put the followers on our podcast and Facebook and TikTok and everything else. But you know, and I don't, I mean no one would say you're a bad person, other than them two duckweeds.
Speaker 1:I am a mom. I could name all these, but I don't. I hated it because I was so worried like your opinion would change when you read this stuff.
Speaker 2:There was a lot, Well, a little bit more deep-seated animosity towards him. Was that possible? Yes, Because of the shit. Now it's kind of like faith and I pulling pranks on each other. We do it throughout the year. We do it every day. I pull a prank on each other. You know we do it throughout the year. You know we do it every day. We play pranks on each other, but this was like an ongoing game with him that he was always in control.
Speaker 2:And how can I be more spiteful, more mean to my daughter and my wife, my roommate and my granddaughter, how can I be more unjust to them? You know? How can I abuse them more, right? So y'all be sure you get both these books who Kicked First and Nard Knock who's there? And Get to Know Victoria, and you know who and what she is. You know she's so much more now and we thank her for coming forward and writing both these books. It takes a lot, y'all. I'm talking a lot and I don't even know the half of it. It took her 10 years to get the first book out and I couldn't even get through a page and a half without breaking down. And now you know, I get to see the grandparent side coming into light in the second prequel.
Speaker 1:Well, my bio parents are grandparents, not my grandparents. I don't know if I can reiterate that correctly, but I can put a workbook out in a day. I can spit a workbook out quick, fast in a hurry for anxiety and manipulation, and I also have one about recognizing the masks of manipulation and narcissism that's coming out.
Speaker 1:But this has been really hard because, you know, I do feel like. You know I have a lot of gratitude for letting us stay there. I am not perfect. I've made mistakes. I admit that tenfold, I admit it in the book. I am not perfect. I've made mistakes.
Speaker 1:But when you're a child, a teenager, even an adult, it's still your parents, that generation above you, that is supposed to, you know, be the parent. I'm still the kid, so they should be like hey, even when I was a teenager or a young child, it should have been, you know, hey, I'm the parent. Let me make this right. You know, like he would give me the silent treatment and it was well, why aren't you talking to me? And the rebuttal was why aren't you talking to me? I am, I am, and he would rebuttal me for what I said, and he would go forever. And if somebody else made him mad, I would literally apologize for somebody else's behavior, just so he would start talking to me again. And that's kind of the mindset that it was. And it's tough because you're kind of like in this way of how do you make yourself not fall into the hardship of what you see day in and day out, like our house, isn't a house?
Speaker 2:it's a home.
Speaker 1:We have a home and I mean it could probably fit in their first floor, but they have. When you go in there, it's this cold, heartless dwelling. It's not a dwelling, you know what I mean. It's like you go in there and it's just you can't. Don't touch the walls, what's on the bottom of your shoes, you know? Don't bring in any dirt.
Speaker 1:The fact that they don't think their house is big enough for two dogs is just mind-blowing to me. The the fact that, like I mean, it's just the simple things that, for instance, everybody knows faith has to be helped out at night. Okay, and this part is not in the book, but she always wants to say it to her grandfather. Now, you have to remember she was never close to her grandmother, but that's because raisin, as we call him, always talked so badly about his wife to faith. So of course she's going to start believing, you know. And when he's like, look how she treats you and look how she treats her son, and faith sees this. And what's worse is that if you took all that out of the equation, faith saw how she treated me and I'm a mom and she couldn't grasp how she could have such a different, you know environment where she saw how I was treated by my mom and how she's treated by me as her mom. It was night and day different, right.
Speaker 1:And so she had told mimi, had told faith, that she didn't love me. She didn't love me, she didn't like me If something happened to me. You know kind of attitude about it. But she never wanted to say goodnight to her. So I would text Raisin and say you know, are you busy? Or whatever. She wants to come in and say goodnight. Faith went so far as to wait until Mimi was at the bathtub during that time of the night because she didn't want to see her. And he would say um, you know, I'm on the phone or I'm doing this or I'm doing that. Which was a prime time for him to talk to other women was when she was in the bathtub. So she would say you know, can you come up and give me a hug, can you come up and say good night? And he was like she can come down to me and I'm like she's hooked up to her machine, like she just got hooked, got hooked up and it's on an IV pole. It's not something that you can just like put a backpack on.
Speaker 2:You could, but it's not set up that way. And she's hooked up to it, and there's two flights of stairs at the time right.
Speaker 1:From our side to theirs was only one, unless he was in the office. No, this is the one you were with me at. Okay, this is the one you always be at. Okay, if we are up in our side. And we would come down the side, get through the hole in the kitchen and all the way down the other corridors, but if he was in the office, it was two flights, yeah, and he would say you know, if she wants to be bad enough, she'll come down here. He wouldn't, he wouldn't come up to her and I'm like she's hooked up well she should have done it before she got hooked up.
Speaker 1:And it's like, you know, it's your granddaughter, she's hooked up to this machine. You can't come up and tell her goodnight, you know. And then it's just one thing after another. I was always just trying to shield it, but there's so many times where you wanted to say, screw it and just fall into that. But then you end up just like them and Faith is the furthest person in this world who deserves to have that for a parent, and I was not going to let her have it. And then it would have made A made no difference than them. B. It would have made the fact that they won and I'm not giving them that kind of power, and that is just horrible.
Speaker 1:I mean to go through and see some of the stuff we were talking before we recorded, mean to go through and see some of the stuff we were talking before we recorded that we have emails where they reached out to idiot who I call idiot is the abusive ex, letting him know how she was. You know, and I mean that I have no words that I can say on air for for that, and I mean you were dumbfounded as well, and the one thing I think you can safely say about me is that I go above and beyond to prove my innocence all the time. And I know it's annoying, I know it, but I have learned by so many beautiful people mostly women, because that's who I get to speak with most of the time is that that's all we have is our work. Everything else is taken from us our self-esteem, our self worth, our self-courage, everything is stripped from us by these narcissistic, abusive people in our lives and the only thing we have is our work. So we go above and beyond and beyond to prove our work, that we are the ones telling the truth. But then they turn around and spin it again.
Speaker 1:Well, why would you have proof of it? Why? Why are you? Are you spying on me? Are you doing this to hurt me? Why would you do this? You just don't believe I really deserve to be happy. You know why would you have this? Why? It doesn't matter. The point is that you have it to show that you are mentally confident. You are saying regardless of what you're said and what you're told, and you go above and beyond the point, and it's you know, you know, and my therapist husband said, like I think it's pretty accurate. He said I asked you a story 11 years ago, and if I asked you right now, I know you would give it to me verbatim, word for word, without deviating even a comma in it, because that's how you look.
Speaker 2:Now let's clarify. She said my therapist's husband. My therapist's husband, her husband Right the way you said it my therapist's husband, as if I was a therapist.
Speaker 1:Well, you are, but it's not that kind.
Speaker 2:The husband of your therapist.
Speaker 1:The husband of my therapist, the husband of my? Yes, okay, do you think that's accurate?
Speaker 2:it is accurate, it's very accurate and your, your curse, as you call it, is a blessing to most no, I hate it.
Speaker 1:I hate having that photographic memory. Maybe I wouldn't have hated it if I didn't have all this crap happen.
Speaker 2:It's just, you just have one of those incredible brains that doesn't show it off, doesn't shut off and runs a million miles a minute, and that's probably why you have three doctorates sitting on your ass in here.
Speaker 1:I loved your face when we were, when I was giving information about faith medically, and your face is hilarious. Do you remember what you said when I was going through?
Speaker 2:oh, at the bedside. Yes, yes, yes, I did so. The um, maybe she's an rnp and uh ln, I don't know one of those right. She's asking my my wife some of the medical histories, such as allergies, last shots given. What about this medication? What about this operation? What about this procedure? And my wife stood there, casual as all get out, not excited, not stressing, not looking at her palm pot, not looking at her palm pot, not looking at her, not looking at. You know Rolodex? You know how many?
Speaker 1:people are going to ask Alexa, what a Rolodex is now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll look it up. And when this lady asked my gorgeous freaking computer brain wife anything, she spit it off like a damn boozy. I mean just rapid fire. Uh, on this day, july 1974, I was wearing black socks. Uh, my little girl had this much. Uh, cc injected into a needle, a discaliper, and just I mean rapid fire. Uh, she's allergic to this. She had a procedure on this date, this time time, and you were wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I mean, it was just one after the other medication. Oh, she's been DC'd from this medication in 1984. Okay, it was crazy, and that's how her brain works. So if anyone ever questions or attempts to question my wife and her memory, you might as well go dig a hole. Dude, you're done, you are done, okay. So, yes, I was flabbergasted, and I shouldn't have been, because I'm just it's not really. I'm flabbergasted, as in I'm stunned, I'm just amazed, okay, amazed, because I'm married to this Terminator.
Speaker 1:Is that a metal joke? Because I'm all metal. It's a computer. Because I'm all metal. It's a big joke.
Speaker 2:Freaking Valkyrie Vixen over here.
Speaker 1:Valkyrie Vixen. No, I don't know what Valkyrie is.
Speaker 2:That's a warrior.
Speaker 1:We have a different opinion on genres of interest when it comes to entertainment. So, yeah, that's kind of a little bit of, but I mean, from day one, you and I like we basically know each other through our 20s, 30s, 40s and now your 50s. Hey, watch it now. Ha Ha, ha.
Speaker 2:If you mention anything about the pooper shooter. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it.
Speaker 1:I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it. I for you, because you give her your word and after everything that little girl has done and gone through. You owe her that you owe her. But I would have to say I think you know Dana asked a question and I was like that would be a Michael question that I was completely different when we dated because I was like this corporate, oh yeah, like I don't know how would you describe me back then?
Speaker 2:I can't keep it clean, try, oh god. Um, there's no way. There's no way when you see a, a very well endowed playboy bunny dressed in a three piece pinstripe suit with shoulder pads and glasses, long auburn red hair, oh man. And glasses, you did, but I don't know you didn't wear glasses you did, but I don't recall them all. If you had them on that school teacher, look, I did have them on. You were just and you had damn superman of steel handshake back then and buns of steel titanium what did you used to do?
Speaker 1:you used to tell guys. What would you tell them?
Speaker 2:I didn't say this on air, nope, you would walk up and say, hey, dude, you want to?
Speaker 1:feel buns and seals For $5, I'll let you throat my girlfriend's butt. I'm not pimping out my wife like that. Back then you did and I said if you grab my butt you will lose your dick. You are not Thoroughly impressed with your buns, but hold on.
Speaker 2:I was obsessed. I was like an addict to the gym. Why Don't look at me?
Speaker 1:I knew, just like my grandmother told me. I knew I stood there after meeting you for the very first time and I said I get it. I just met my soulmate. I get it, I got it. I'm going to marry this man. And I knew I was going to get married. And you told me, as time went on and people are going to give me a bunch of crap about this, oh, shit.
Speaker 2:No, they're going to give me shit.
Speaker 1:Probably. There were two things that you asked me not to do. What were they?
Speaker 2:Probably cut your hair? Yep, Because your hair is gorgeous. And I probably said back then because I was a jerk, y'all don't beat me up for it. Can you use another term? Okay, don't whoop me for it. Another term Don't judge me too harshly. Got it that I'll probably leave if you get fat.
Speaker 1:Now with him saying this. I worked on the opposite side of the country and I would travel three, four days a week and I had to make sure I stayed in a facility that had a gym. I would walk everywhere. I would go up the stairs, not the elevator. I was in the gym constantly when I was home.
Speaker 2:I made sure to take a red eye.
Speaker 1:Now he's all sweet to me right now, you guys, he's laughing profusely and trying to hold my head and I would go to work in the morning. Before I would go to work I'd work out, and then he worked nights, and so when I would get off work I would go to the gym and work out, go home and cook him a home-cooked meal, shower, and every night he wanted to see me. When he wasn't working, he was working an extra job. He always wanted me to come up there. He asked me every single night and I said well, I don't want you to get tired of me. He's like I'm not going to get tired of you and I would go up there and bring him dinner or whatever, no matter how tired I was.
Speaker 1:But I was and had become addicted to the gym, like there was no tomorrow, because I wanted to make my man happy. Now the irony of this is that I was this corporate person who I wouldn't even look in the direction of my executive team that were all men and I had somebody come up to me and I was. I was like no, go away. Whatever ended up, he knew my male husband and he was this woman's a bitch. He had no idea that I was his girlfriend at the time, and then, when I came up and my husband kissed me, he was like you know, her and I said I told you.
Speaker 1:I was taken. He's like she was so rude. Well, you and I didn't know he was a cop man, he was in plain clothes. But the point is is that I worked out like a banshee to make sure that I stayed in like shape, don't make that face for you. And then he would come around and say, hey, dude, you want to feel bugs with me over five bucks? And I'd be like if he touches me it's dumb, like he's not putting his hands up. And then you know. Now you look at it. And then they weren't. They weren't in my life at that point, like when we first were together, they really were not. I had that one apartment, I was living by myself and we really were nothing but, on a professional level, and I made it up until way later.
Speaker 1:It was way later when we had lunch with my brother who had all sorts of Look at the time, who had all sorts of.
Speaker 2:Thank y'all for listening to another episode and so.
Speaker 1:But the point is and after everybody, I used to get so much crap, and it's so funny because I let michael read a lot of the evidence and try to decide what we were putting in, what we weren't, and he was like is he talking about me here? Because he would mention you by name. His joke was what?
Speaker 2:party. What are you sitting in waiting on him now?
Speaker 1:you know, and the thing is that was so ironic is that whenever anyone tried to get me to meet someone else, I always questioned them against you and I was like I don't want to meet anybody else, I don't want anyone else, I have one. And then I was like nope, you're not him. But I had a list of things that I was not attracted to, things I did not want out of a boyfriend, and Kim bless her heart.
Speaker 2:I met every one of them.
Speaker 1:Bless her heart the first time she met him we were at like a bar restaurant place.
Speaker 1:And he walks in and I said are you taking any food to go? And he said I'm not sure. And I said well, I'll order whatever you want on the menu. And he said I'm not sure and I said well, I'll order whatever you want on the menu. You dropped the menu on the ground and said stand on it.
Speaker 1:And Kim was like what? And you said yeah, I can take her to go. And she said I have to ask. And she was like what do you drive? And he said a truck. And then she looks at me and I just shook my head.
Speaker 1:She's like when you're not working, what's your attire of choice? And he started saying she's looking at me and I'm just sliding in the chair. And then you went somewhere for a minute to go get a drink to I don't know. And she looks at me to get married. I was like no, and she goes have you done the tag test yet? And I was like no, where you pulled the guy's shirt see, I put myself on the spot you pulled the shirt back a little bit from their collar in the back, and you're like oh, your tag's sticking up and it lets you see, if they have back hair and I was not attracted to back hair because it's like if I wanted to lay on a rug, I'd lay on a rug and I was pretty adamant about it. And she was like have you done the back hair the test?
Speaker 1:and I'm like no, I haven't done the test. And he has back hair. And then I'm this person that's like how can a guy spend time and get dressed, make himself look nice? He's shaven, clean, shaven as on you know, his clone nice shirt, panting his lady at his feet, and he's either wearing flip-flops or he's wearing god help help me socks with flip-flops.
Speaker 2:Now, that might turn some women on.
Speaker 1:It doesn't do that for me. And she asked him. Of course he's like oh, I love my flip-flops, I love my flip-flops and I love my Hawaiian shirts. And I'm just, and she's like, I got to know what kind of music you listen to. And I just was like I don't want to know, I don't want to know. And this was right. When we met, you know, it wasn't that long. So you met her and he says I like country music. And I thought she was gonna pee in that seat. And she's like, yeah, you're gonna marry him and david's like I mean, I like that music, but that was all you listen to. Right, we would be sitting in a car together, a squad car or one of my vehicles, and he'd be listening and everything was country, and he would sing it to me and he would like serenade me, these songs. And it was just literally, you know, like the song that turned me to country was our song. Do you remember it, my?
Speaker 2:Kind of Rain.
Speaker 1:By Tim McGraw and I fell in love with that song, and then I got switched over to country, but, yeah, I became a workout banshee for this man.
Speaker 2:well then, I know, yeah, I'm floating y'all can find her book soon to be released. It'll be through Amazon and are we going to sell it through our website?
Speaker 1:I'm not sure yet I'm also wanting to put it out in local bookstores, things of that nature. Yeah, a little milestone for me to do, and everybody's already asking what's next, because I do all these workbooks and other books and things like that. But you know, what are you and I going to do about that?
Speaker 2:Well, I think that should wrap it up right for your story.
Speaker 1:I was going to write a third called I Gotta Hand it To you, talking about the process of my amputation, but instead I made it a chapter in the book I Gotta Hand it To you, or Let Me Hand it To you or Let Me Lend you A Hand, something like that. I'm tired, I'm going to sleep. So that was a chapter I put in here, all about how I literally lost my arm and hand and people are now going to go. What does the bio parents or bio grandparents have to do with that? Yeah, you're going to have to redefine that one out. That was a doozy. So you know you and I should write a book together.
Speaker 2:Y'all keep looking out on the webpage.
Speaker 1:You're kidding me. Why won't you write a book with me?
Speaker 2:I'll try. Sorry, you can talk about Victoria Curie anywhere and find out a lot about her.
Speaker 1:Anything else you want to say? I love you, Peter what have you done Nothing, yet? What are you want to say? I love you. What have you done? Nothing, yet? What are you going to do?
Speaker 2:Our daughter has watched two dogs since we've been there.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe we need to keep going, so she'll get a third.
Speaker 2:The third one is Rusty Uh-uh.
Speaker 1:Rusty was the second one.
Speaker 2:Nope, she didn't know.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 1:So, we have three beautiful goal retrievers. Each of us have really our own. Stucco is my service dog, who was named after my husband, stucco. Um, because kim actually named him, because he was stuck on me and I thought that was hilarious, it was just funny and, um, when I the day I saw stucco, I was like that's it, he's, and I've never had really a boy dog I don't know how you explain it. Stucco and I have a very he is so amazing. Even after my amputation he was only a couple months old. He was just so attentive and sweet.
Speaker 2:Attentive. Yes, that's the perfect word for him.
Speaker 1:He never crossed the line, he didn't try to hurt my arm or he saw it was bandaged. He was only a few months old and he was just as sweet as can be Everyone in our family. Here in our home we joke constantly. We laugh all the time. I don't think there's been a day when we don't Like dinner tonight. I hate being an amputee.
Speaker 2:I went to grab the spatula and I didn't see and I knocked over and went spatula, spatula, the spatula, spatular, spatular, the spatula, spatular. What do you call it? There's not an R on the end of spatula. Is it what? It's? A spatula, a what?
Speaker 1:Well, we have our bread and egg quarter today.
Speaker 1:And I knocked over his sweet teddy With a spatula Okay, with a serving utensil, and it went everywhere. And Faith we immediately look at faith to make sure she's not gonna choke on her food. And I was like I'm so sorry. We're all laughing about it because it wasn't intentional and I mean, that's just how we are. But when we're kidding around and we go to bed, stucco jumps in and if my husband tries to like mess around with me, stucco shoves him the other way. It's hysterical. We've got pictures of it. He literally will take his paws and push him in the opposite direction and he's like that's my mom, go away.
Speaker 2:That is more like that's my woman. No. I'm not trying to get fresh with you. No, a little snuggle, a little kissing. He comes over and butts me away.
Speaker 1:No, he's just protective of his mama. And then we have Faith, doggy, rusty, who is so. He looks like a bear. That dog is huge, he is huge and he looks like a bear A big bear, right, and the sweetest, sweetestest thing. But if you come up to fame, or me or michael, you're one of the other dogs. He will growl at you but he's not gonna do anything. But he is just so protective that he doesn't play around and he is just. He loves to be cuddled, he wants to be held, he wants to be sn snuggled, he wants just that. Put your face next to his and cuddle him for a moment. Then we have the spastoid, which he's laughing at me because the baby is Uno and Uno is still a puppy. But Uno is spastic, he is crazy and of course now you know who he belongs to. I'm trying to calm down and he's great, but it's just him and I. He's really sweet.
Speaker 2:He does snuggle.
Speaker 1:Yes, because I'm teaching him to snuggle and be sweet, but he does get wild. Holy crap, you know what. And I'm really okay. Watch how fast my husband drives to end this episode With the fact that your dog is LGBT.
Speaker 2:No, no. And that concludes the next episode.
Speaker 1:It's true, your dog is on that stage and that's okay. You have a gay dog and it is okay.
Speaker 2:You need to accept. You need to accept that your dog is on the spectrum of being gay.
Speaker 1:And it's okay.
