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A Contagious Smile Podcast
A Contagious Smile is a powerful platform dedicated to uplifting and empowering special needs families and survivors of domestic violence. Through heartfelt stories, we shine a light on the journeys of extraordinary individuals who have overcome unimaginable challenges. Their triumphs serve as a testament to resilience and strength, inspiring others to rediscover their own inner light. Each episode features candid interviews with survivors, advocates, and experts who provide valuable resources and insights to support those on their own paths to healing and empowerment. Join us as we celebrate the power of resilience, the beauty of shared stories, and the unstoppable spirit of those who turn adversity into hope. Let us guide you in rekindling your spirit, because every smile tells a story of courage and transformation.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
Finding Your People: The Gift of Connection TRIGGER WARNING
Discover the true value of community, love, and support in our latest episode that focuses on how we navigate family dynamics and overcome personal struggles. Co-host Dana bravely shares her recent experiences with illness, showcasing the incredible support found in close friendships. As we discuss the complexities of familial relationships, we delve deep into the dynamics of narcissism and how it can negatively impact our connections with loved ones.
Throughout the conversation, we highlight the importance of building strong bonds and how they can provide resilience against life's hardships. Hear authentic stories from listeners grappling with the challenges of parenting and the emotional toll of unhealthy family relationships. Our discussions empower you to embrace your self-worth and establish healthy boundaries, ultimately promoting personal growth.
Join us as we tackle listener questions, emphasizing the significance of positive communication with children and the need for validation in challenging situations. We encourage everyone to take steps towards nurturing their well-being while seeking loving connections within their communities. Don’t forget to share your thoughts and stories with us! Dive into this engaging episode for heartfelt conversations and practical insights that may inspire you to make meaningful changes in your relationships and life.
thought. Good evening everyone, and welcome to another episode of season two of Narc. Narc, who's there? Help, I'm gasping for air my ride or die. Dana, of course, co-host with the mostest Couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. How you doing.
Speaker 2:I am just fine. I'm a little nasally because, as you know, I've been trying to. I'm still trying to get over something. I thought I was over and you know when you think you're okay and then you're relapsed because you do too much and so I'll be trying again, right, right. That's called being a woman exactly.
Speaker 1:We always talk about finding your group, finding your person. I have to tell you, Dana is so my person. I was in pre-op the other day and and Faith bless her heart, or thump and gizzard, we're in different time zones and I'm waiting in the waiting area of the hospital and she's like I'm talking to Aunt Dana and I'm like do you know what time it is? And I was like Aunt Dana is not awake. And she's like oh yeah, she is. And she just flips the phone very quickly like I'm not allowed to see what's being said.
Speaker 1:And I I said did you wake her up? Did you wake up Dana? And she was like no, and I was like I begged to dip her. She goes, you could beg all you want, she's talking to me and obviously she loves me more because she's talking to me and not to you. And I'm like you woke her up and no, so early, early, early in the morning, here's my ride or die, who's like answering my child and keeping her mind, you know, set on the fact that I'm not about to go in and get, you know, part of my vertebrae removed and she, she's just. This is why when you find your people, you know, and the ones that aren't.
Speaker 2:Let them go like just to hell with them you know A hundred percent, but that's what it is. On any other morning I might've let faith wait a little bit, but you know, that morning I knew, I knew what was going on and I knew that if she's reaching out to me already, she's reaching out to me because she needs you know, for whatever reason, I'm not going to let her down or you down, because I the last thing you needed was a kid that is on your butt about whatever it was, and so it takes a community sometimes and we have to give a little of ourselves for the benefit of the whole. And it's wonderful and it's fine. The way I looked at it was it's okay, I can sleep later, I can be tired one day for you and for her, and but that's what you do when you love somebody, you know, and that's what it's about. And I think that it's a perfect way to come into this.
Speaker 2:You know, narcissist podcast, because I mean, that's exactly what a narcissist wouldn't do. I mean, if I had done that to my stepfather or even my ex-husband, oh my gosh, I would never hear the end of. Do you know? You woke me up and I could hear my ex. Right now, I'm the one that pays the bills around here, even though I actually was the one that did, but in his mind. It's amazing how they work. They delusion themselves.
Speaker 1:They do. And it's so funny because, like she's been under the weather and at least once a day I'm messaging her how are you feeling? She's like would you stop worrying about me? And I'm like no, no, I will not. I will not because that's who we are and I don't do that and I'm not changing who I am.
Speaker 2:So suck it up, sister, I know, and it's all right and I love you for everything about you. But yeah, that's just what we do. But you know you have to do for other people, for the ones that you love, because that's how you show love. You know, and I get annoyed because it's a trauma response. You know, just like I don't like my picture taken, I don't like attention on me because from childhood if there's attention on me it's the pressure, like oh my gosh, you know, and I've got to make sure everybody's okay so that I don't get the consequences and whatever. But so it's for me it's kind of like how people react. You know, like you were, we were talking earlier and you had somebody say oh, do you say sorry all the time? Like it's just a thing that we develop in childhood from the trauma. Even though we're fine now and we're very healed, still things that are just part of our nature, yeah, so we've had so much response and I am taking down everybody's questions.
Speaker 1:Please bear with the both of us. You reach out to either one of us, we will get to your question, we will get to your comments, but I want to make sure everybody is accounted for and we, you know, acknowledge all of it. So please bear with us. I love how everybody is just talking, talking I. So I want to read one that I got the other day and I know I still have such a back, but I want to read one because it really just grabbed me, not that they all don't, but this one really did, and it Let me, let me get my pad of paper here. So it says ladies, I say that with a heart full of love.
Speaker 1:I came across this beautiful podcast of two of the strongest women I've ever had the pleasure of sounding in my ear, lol. And I have to tell you that it was not only a breath of fresh air but a sense of resilience for myself. I felt alone, uncertain, uneducated and just downright dumb. I had no idea why. I was always told I was the one doing everything wrong. Nothing I did was good enough or right. I couldn't amount to anything and I literally became someone who got lost within their own thoughts.
Speaker 1:The days turned into weeks, turned into months and turned into years, and as that time continued to go by, I still thought I wasn't even good enough to sit at the table. I would make dinner for my family and I found myself sitting at the kitchen island enjoying the leftovers while they enjoyed their conversations, their telephones and each other. I didn't even sit with my family because I didn't felt I deserved it. What hurt me even more? Hold on, I just lost my spot. Sorry, I don't have my glasses on. What hurt me even more is the fact that I was never invited to my own table. I provided food, nutrition, clothing, have roof over their heads and everybody was daddy's little girl.
Speaker 1:I have three daughters, all of which think dad can do no wrong and mom can do no right. I literally get post-it notes stating I need this done today by my children. I try to address it and tell them that it is not okay to talk to me or any other adult that way. Ironically, they don't talk to their father that way, but they have picked up on how he speaks to me and they all speak to me in the exact same manner. I'm hoping that at some point in time because you have a lifelong listener you guys could kind of give me a little way to make this a little easier. I've never thought that this would be my upcoming life, but I don't see it getting any brighter and I only see it getting darker. I want to just go into the pantry, say out of service on the door, and call it a night.
Speaker 2:That makes me really sad. Yeah, that makes me really sad on a few different levels, but primarily because, well, I mean, I guess I'm just going to start going, if you don't mind, cause.
Speaker 1:I just have all this stuff in my head, Please. I mean, and she said we could say her name. Her name is Patricia.
Speaker 2:Okay, patricia. So like the first thing I totally like was there, like envisioning it all, because I mean I only have my one son, but when we were still in it with his dad, I mean, you know, especially around the teenage years, that's where a boy really starts modeling his father's behavior, even though my son would, up and down and all around, be like I don't want to be like my dad, I don't want to be anything like him. The verbiage, the looks, the expressions, the way he would treat me. Sometimes I'd be like whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no. That's not cool and it's so.
Speaker 2:I mean the heartbreak of looking in your child's eyes and seeing your abusive spouse looking back at you and hearing it. It's just, it was really hard. It was probably one of the hardest things I had to overcome after that divorce and after that whole thing was over, because, even though my son decided to stay with me, I often said it felt like I was living with his dad. Still, it's like it wasn't over, because I had him living literally inside my son's body in the way that he would talk to me sometimes and other times not, but anyway. So I feel that pain.
Speaker 2:I cannot imagine three of them because you want to love your children. But on the other hand, I know multiple people. One is a very close friend. You have to meet her. That's just same thing that the, the dad. Um, it's just a tough situation. I don't want to get too much into theirs. It's the same situation, but now the two daughters don't really have much to do with their mother and it's just heartbreaking. I mean because there's nothing stronger than a mother's love, for well, usually a mother's love for their child, not for us, yeah not for me.
Speaker 2:My mother doesn't even acknowledge me, so it's hard. It's hard to hear that somebody else is going through that, because the one part of me is saying well, that's your children. You want to save that relationship. But on the other hand, I think that we forget and I think I've said it before, but we forget that whether it's our children, our spouse, our mother, our father, our brother, our sister, whoever it is, they are still human beings and regardless of the biological relation and what we presume that that relationship should entail, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes they are just not your people.
Speaker 2:And that's the part I'm struggling with, because for me to say what I want to say, which is, well, you know what, it's very unlikely you're going to do anything or say anything to change the way that they are. They have adopted these habits, they think they're in the right, they are watching it from their father. They're likely going to continue down that road. It's a train you can't stop.
Speaker 2:But I don't want to say that to somebody, because if somebody told that to me, that in my mind would translate to how am I supposed to get let go of my own only child? I mean like I can't, as a mother do that. So forgive me, patricia, that I don't really have an answer for you, because I gave you my answer, but as a mother I can't even accept that answer. So that's a really tough one. All I can say is that you got to take care of you and I think if you take care of you, show your, show your children love, set boundaries and assert yourself and if they come around, eventually they come around. But if they don't, I think that you have to also understand that that's a very possible reality in this situation. It's unfortunate, but it's one that a lot of people live.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I want to go back just a second. And when? Where is it? Hold on, let me go back and look.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that she says that the kids leave postie notes for her with things to do, and I mean that is something that they learned.
Speaker 1:They learned that from somebody and I'm taking it from the dad, and so they're seeing how the dad treated mom and they're seeing, and what scares me is that these girls are in a pattern of learned behavior where they're going to think this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman, and then they're going to get a man just like him, right, and they're going to become the mom, right, they're going to be that mom who is being talked to and treated that way.
Speaker 1:You know, because they are showing I mean, she says that they do everything that dad tells them to do and they don't speak to him that way, so they're accepting oh, I see what you're saying behavior of dad, yeah, but they're also trying to stay on dad's good side by treating mom the way that he treats mom, but they don't say that to him, right, because she said in here that the dad and the kids don't invite her to the table and that, you know it's the pattern of behavior, but that they hear how dad talks to her, but they don't talk to dad. That way, they only talk to dad.
Speaker 2:Well, they're scared of him. They're all scared of him and that's why not one of them. They're probably all sitting there. At some point early on, one of them had, I have to believe one of them had wondered why mom isn't sitting at the table, but never dared ask that question because dad would get. Dad sounds like an asshole. Can I just say that Dad sounds like a first rate. Let's just clarify that.
Speaker 2:Patricia, you can't say it. We're saying it for you and I'm sorry because we get it. We have married those types. We get how you fall in that trap and we understand they're not that way all the time and there's another side of and we understand they're not that way all the time and there's another side of that we understand. But right now what it sounds to me is you're right, I was cause, I was leaning more towards.
Speaker 2:These three girls sound just like narcissists, like him, and they're probably going to end up in romantic adult relationships where they're controlling and, you know, steamrolling over whoever they're with. But you're right. I see your point now because you're right. They are being controlled and they're not piping up, they're not stepping up for mom, they're not taking up for themselves. It's a scary thing, isn't this awful that this is what happens, and a lot of people don't even sit back and think anything is wrong. They just sit, you know, like, have you ever heard this? My mom used to always say oh, that's just the way he is, it's just the way it is oh, absolutely, and it's just like nails on the top.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like. No, you know it doesn't have to be. Though, and if somebody is like Patricia obviously is very unsettled with this, as she should be, Thank God. But you know, the only way to get better with that is to get out. And unfortunately, when you're in a marriage and there's children, no matter what age, getting out means risking those relationships. And so I mean, unfortunately, Patricia, I think you're the only one that can answer your own question. I mean unfortunately, Patricia, I think you're the only one that can answer your own question. I think you're looking for validation, which we are 100 million percent giving you. This is not acceptable. It's not good, but only you know what you're willing to tolerate and for what reasons, and we all have our reasons. We've all stayed for whatever reasons, and there is no judgment or shame in that.
Speaker 1:So if you do decide to stay and tolerate this and you know it's something that that only you can decide- Right, if you'll bear with me for one minute, one of the things I want to just say you know, and this is something I would do, I'm not offering medical advice, I'm not offering anything like that. What I would do in this situation is I would start privately doing post-it notes to the girls, but not with things to do or things that you demand that they do, like she's saying that the kids do to her. Put something, maybe in one of their favorite books or set. You know, schedule your phone to send text messages like a posty text message, where you send something like I thought you looked absolutely beautiful today, you know. And not where it's an open ended question. Or, you know, put on a postie note I, I'm so proud of how you're doing in school. Not an open ended, just something like not how was your day? Where they're going to come back and be snarky but make it a statement where you say something like you know, I'm so proud of how great you're doing in band, I'm so proud of how great you're doing at your job. You know if they have an afterschool job. Or you know you're doing phenomenal in X, y, z, whatever it is for each of the kids and start doing the postie notes, because the kids are in that primitive age where they're like, thinking about it and in their mind a postie note is a demand, a postie note is a. Do it now. These are kids, they're not supposed to be that way to their parents, right? And I damn well sure bet that they're not. Postie noting the dad, okay, and two pugs in a push doesn't make a father. Let me just put that out there, right? And so take the mindset. I would take the mindset where it's okay.
Speaker 1:Every time they demand something, you know they get a post-it note and just, I need this now. I need you to do this now. Do my laundry, clean my whatever that the post-it notes are saying. Take it and reverse it. Reverse it where it's like you put something simple, like maybe the dad goes into the room to tell him I don't know what the possibility is but like maybe in their bathroom drawer, open the drawer and put something that says hey, you did awesome at the soccer game on Saturday. Or you know, in their closet, when they pull the light down or they flip the light on I just showed my age or you know they flip the light on I just showed my age or you know they flip the switch, you know in their closet, put it, put a note on the door or something that just says you know, I couldn't be prouder of everything you're accomplishing.
Speaker 1:Just every time you get a negative, like every time I, if I was her, if I was Patricia, this is what I would do and I, like I said, I'm not giving that kind of advice if I was Patricia. Every time I get a negative, like every time I, if I was her, if I was patricia, this is what I would do and, like I said, I'm not giving that kind of advice. If I was patricia, every time I got a negative note the next day I would put a positive note with a statement, not an open-ended question for that individual child. That's a good idea. And then let them start thinking okay, maybe I can start seeing that the post-it notes aren't, you know, heavy, hurtful demands to my mom. You know, and maybe they'll recognize that she is doing all this stuff for me.
Speaker 1:I don't need to do these post-it notes because my dad does it. I mean, she's doing this, she is doing my whatever, she is doing my whatever, she is cooking my meal, she is helping whatever. And start small. Even the small step is a four direction and so just doing something as simple as a posting note of positivity is huge. And don't make it be like, oh, you and your friend have a good time tonight. That's so generic. Make it very specific, because their demand is very specific. Right, do my laundry, have it done when I get home. Period. I'm so proud of how you scored the winning goal on Saturday in your soccer game, like just as demanding.
Speaker 2:But turn it around and be as positive and that's a great thing for anybody to do in any situation, you know, to turn it around into a positive. I just feel right now she is everybody's bitch in that house. Basically, that is hot. That is what it's sounding like to me, and you know, there's see, there's this other part of me that you know. The younger Dana would have been like you know what and I am putting this out there, but I'm going to preface it with this If this man, if the husband, dad, whatever, if he is actually not safe, if he is not a safe person and I'm not not saying just emotionally then this is just, we can all just laugh at this and whatever.
Speaker 2:But let's just say there are certain people in my life that I know they're not going to actually like, hurt me physically, and if I had a day where I was feeling bold, be like you know what f this it's. This is my house too. This is my house too. That is my kitchen table. I'm going to sit my ass down on my. You can see, I got my head going. This is the Puerto Rican in me. I'm going to sit my ass down at that table.
Speaker 2:There she goes and let's see what happens. How about that? Because when you have a dynamic, that's it's the way it always been isn't working out for Patricia. Somebody has to change that dynamic. Those girls are scared of dad. Dad sure thinks he's the king of the damn house and running the show. What if Patricia decided she's going to put her queen crown on and sit her ass at her own kitchen table for once and change the dynamic? The look of horror I can only imagine and I wish I could be there to see it on this man's face. But again, and I cannot express this enough, you don't screw with a man that is potentially going to take something like that and turn it into an aggressive situation. So I am not suggesting that, but assuming that is not the case, I just wonder what would happen.
Speaker 1:Well, I just want to say one more thing and then we'll move on.
Speaker 1:I really, when I read this I read it a it a couple times and to me it also sounds like the girls are trying to play the safe haven in regards to the fact that they know dad screams he probably.
Speaker 1:You know they're talking and treating him one way and they're treating mom a different way, but they're not screaming at her, they're screaming at the paper. Because I think deep down inside they feel for mom, like the girls you know kind of feel for mom, and may I mean there's not enough explanation in here, but maybe they yell at her when he's around, but then when he's not that's why they do the posting notes, cause they don't want to yell at her. It's still mom, right, and maybe they feel that. But they're also petrified of two pugs in a push, because I'm not calling them dad, but like that could be another thing, right, and so it's a very complex situation, especially without knowing more of what the situation is other than what we've got. But I just I don't want her to lose hope on the fact that you know there is a possibility. I mean they could just be really scared of him.
Speaker 2:They could be, or they could be just like him, and there's three of them, so it could be an intermixed situation that we don't know.
Speaker 2:That's why I just want to focus on Patricia, because, at the end of the day, the only person you can control is yourself. The only thing you can change is how you respond, how you react, how you behave in any situation. And when she gets these demands I want this now my response would be to write on the bottom of that note and say you know, I'm not able to get to it right now. Get to it right now, but I can do it on Tuesday or whatever. Or if you need this done right now, then I suggest maybe you ask your sisters or your dad and I would put that post-it note right back up wherever whoever's going to see it. And it's not me being defiant, but I'll be darned if somebody is going to demand of me. I've lived that life not doing it again, because it does not resonate with anybody to feel like you are a dog on a leash, like you're supposed to obey the commands and that's all you're there for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, all right, the next one's just kind of I thought it was hysterical so prepare.
Speaker 2:We need a lighter one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're going to cough. Go ahead and cough, because this one is Yep, I knew it okay, howdy y'all, I can't do it.
Speaker 2:Howdy y'all uh, you know, I love it.
Speaker 1:Howdy y'all, y'all, y'all. Okay, I have to tell you guys, you guys I can't, I can't do the voice.
Speaker 1:I'm trying, howdy y'all, I'm trying to do oh, just read it okay I want y'all to know that I think the two of you are downright hysterical, knee slapping, hilarious. First of all, who in the Sam Hill would ever think a Puerto Rican in a redhead could do? Oh my God. And on the rare occasion that one of you two spitfires decide to like revvy up y'all's engine and let it out, I just live for those moments. Up y'all's engine and let it out. I just live for those moments on y'all shows.
Speaker 1:I am waiting on the day when miss dana starts talking in spanish, because then I know someone's drifting the skirt and blown it up. It seems that miss victoria is a little more feisty when it comes to protecting those that she cares for, helps and loves Dana's the same way. But I also can imagine that Victoria gets very quiet when she's angry before it's like calm before the storm. I'm just asking. It's kind of like this is kind of my like request to a DJ. If, if I called into a radio station, I just would like to see my, my cutesy little puerto rican and my hot redhead. All of a sudden, just let it go and she starts talking in spanish. Victoria's spinning her head around because we don't know if she knows spanish or she'll understand what she's saying and the two of y'all just go at it and and have a field day. Let us know before you do so. We're not sitting on our porch drinking tea and it goes everywhere.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the problem with that is that I understand Spanish, but speaking it is a whole other thing. My mind it does not. There is no language that you can think in your head of a sentence and just directly translate it over, because the grammar and the word placement is all different. So, like when my grandma talks to me in Spanish, I understand it and she says a lot of crap under her breath in Spanish and I love it because nobody around us understands and we can laugh and giggle and have our moment. But I am not, and you know what the thing about it is, and I'm going to say this in my defense.
Speaker 2:I have worked very, very hard to get a little more Zen and a little more healed and to not react, because to me, reacting is a sign of unhinging and unhealing in my life. So I fear most people Now, if you had my husband on here, he could, he could tell you some stories, because I am that person too that I get very, very quiet. If I, if I am, if I am quiet, there's a problem, and if I am quiet, you better run for cover, because I never know when this girl is going to blow. I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth ever, but it's unfortunately all in English and it usually is very colorful language, but it is not Spanish and I am so sorry to disappoint. I mean, it's hilarious.
Speaker 1:Blow your skirt up and ruffle feathers.
Speaker 2:Well, my skirt has blown up once or twice, and well, you know, people get a surprise for sure, because I can't, I can't.
Speaker 1:That flexes it. No, because I'm thinking of something that you wanted to like.
Speaker 2:I can't even say it it has like no, I wouldn't be wearing those because I don't. I don't wear anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, but I don't wear those, that's just for fun oh see, now people don't know what you're talking about and I'm not doing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no I'm a commando girl, so if I have a sundress on, there ain't nothing underneath but no, but those are just for fun, because you have to have something on to have that, and nobody needs to know what we're talking about. Sorry, people, wow, wow. You got to live life, victoria, and you know we all like a little fresh air. Okay, is that Puerto Rican? Enough for the scale? Maybe, maybe that wasn't in Spanish, but that's how we roll, that's how we roll.
Speaker 1:Miss Dana, I've read both of your books. I am in high school and I read them both with the hopes of some clarity as to what could possibly be going on with my dad and my stepmom. My father has always been a quiet, calm and gentle person. He literally jumps at the sight of anything. My stepmom, on the other hand, reminds me of the stepmom in Cinderella Horrible reference, but you know, I'm trying to do the best I can. I'm nervous that I'm writing to a published author to whom I admire ever so much for putting out the truth. I am confused, as I am a multi-home kid.
Speaker 2:Is that like a custody? Yeah, it's, when you get shifted from one place to another all the time.
Speaker 1:They call it a multi-home.
Speaker 2:Yeah there's different terms for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I am a multi-home kid and I feel it's not fair for the kids because we spend one week at one place and one week at another. And the purpose of my telling you this is because last week I was at my biological mom's and I needed something from my dad's, but my dad was at work. So, of course, the stepmom answers the phone, and I asked her if she could bring it over, and she literally chewed through my phone, ripping me into pieces, making me cry, because she said I was forgetful and it was my fault and I would have to do without. When I tried to talk to my dad, my dad said I shouldn't have tried to upset his wife. I wasn't trying to upset his wife. I had forgotten something and, truth be told, what it was was something for school and I desperately needed it. However, my mom ended up taking me back over there, and when she took me back over there, my dad had yet to return and my stepmom would not let her in the house, so she wouldn't even bring out what I needed, and so my mom and I ended up driving around. So my dad came home from work and finally let us come in to get it.
Speaker 1:I don't understand why my dad accepts this behavior from his wife, his current wife. I'm writing to you because the similarity of you being married, I understand that in the role you would have been my dad. I'm just looking for some guidance because I am so lost. I'm unable to drive, I'm only 14. Good for her, I'm only 14, but, like I said, I feel like I don't know what to do to try to make the situation more tolerable for anyone. I've never wanted to be 18 so badly, because I just don't even want to be around this person ever again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1:You have a 14-year-old mega mega lover. She loves your books.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. That's amazing and that's very sweet, but I'm just like my heart is breaking for her, because I so feel for her.
Speaker 1:For her, well, I want to say kudos to her for, like just before I shush and let you run, I want to say kudos to her because, first of all, she's 14 and she went looking for answers. She went looking for how can I relate to this situation, how can I make the situation better? And and she came across your books and so she read them. So I mean good for her. I mean she took initiative right and I think this deserves huge applause for that.
Speaker 2:Oh, huge applause, because I mean, there's so many people, I mean most people.
Speaker 2:it's actually statistically proven that you don't even really understand that your childhood affected you until you're usually like in your maybe late thirties to late forties is on average, and you know it all kind of hits you and then you've got to unpack an entire life of crap that you've dealt with because of the crap from your childhood.
Speaker 2:So whenever I see so I am 100% with you that I mean when I see somebody that's that young and is that aware that, like this is not right, this is not okay. What makes me feel bad, though, is that you know, like it like takes me back there, you know, because I mean I was not. The only time I was scooted around was during the first few years in my life, which I ended up taking out of my second book because it was my. My publisher was confused by it and I didn't know how else to, but I was. I lived with my great grandma, but sometimes I would go to my mom's and sometimes I was at grandma's house and something but and so in that sense, like that alone for a child is hard. I don't care if you're five or 14, the way I always felt was like I didn't have a home. I had places I stayed, but I didn't have a place where I really lived.
Speaker 1:So you felt like you were living out of a suitcase.
Speaker 2:It was always being yeah, there was no stability. You know it's probably like what army kids feel like and you know, and you know like in this case, in divorce, that is something that unfortunately is common. Everybody wants, you know, fights over the custody of these kids, like they're trying, but it's more. It's not, and forgive me, I'm going off on a tangent, but it pisses me off when people don't really want to spend time with their kids but they just want to stick it to the other person by fighting for their weekend or their week or whatever it is. It's just like my God, let the kid go with the one who loves them and wants them, please, because it's so much better for the kids, because, forgive me, for you know so to to partially answer this girl.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know dad, I don't know his psychology, I don't know his upbringing and unfortunately, without all that, why he's being a puss and not standing up to his wife. Believe me, I've seen, I see people every day that are like that and it's what makes the world go round. Is that we're different? But obviously he's terrified of her for whatever reasons, probably something in his childhood. This is who he wants to be with and this is what he has decided is okay.
Speaker 2:What pisses me off is that, you know, if he doesn't want to be a father, if he doesn't want to be the one who can take off of work to go get his daughter the crap that she needs for school out of his house, if he wants to be participants in her being moved around so freaking much, then you know what he needs to be a little more involved in this. But he's not and you're not going to. It's just like the last one, unfortunately. You're not going to change.
Speaker 2:Grown people Maybe, but they have to be the one to see the change, to want the change. But where does that leave this girl? This leaves this girl with an evil stepmother, a mother that can't do anything about it and a dad who won't do anything about any of it. So, unfortunately, you know again, it's just kind of like we have to take the bull by the horns for ourselves and I just hope the main thing I left, you know, and you forget, or you leave the grocery store and the one thing you went there for is the one thing you show up at home without and you're like mother trucker, like you know, don't make me go back.
Speaker 2:You know, it happens. We're human and obviously this evil stepmother is a see you next Tuesday and I'm done with that. I just can't deal with people like that, but unfortunately this girl does. So the countdown starts and we're all going to be wishing that 18 comes for this girl sooner than later, and so I defer to you because I don't. I unfortunately don't have an answer when you're 14. The only answer there is to a situation like that is to fight for emancipation. But you need lawyers, you need money, you need people to help you and if she can, if she has that great. I couldn't, I couldn't get that, I didn't have that opportunity. But I know people. I know two people who were emancipated very young. But that's a whole other life that, you know, has its own challenges.
Speaker 1:So no, I agree, I agree. First of all, I think she's smart, I think she's really definitely, you know, to go out and take the time and find out how she could, you know, find some information and she reads about it. You know, I don't know the situation about the custody, maybe you can petition to get full custody with mom. I mean, mom sounds like she cares, mom sounds like she's here. I mean, she immediately stopped and tried to go get everything and make phone calls and you know and help her. And maybe you know if there's a joint custody because there's nothing in here about the specifics of custody but she's saying you know that she's, she's, you know multiple places then maybe it's a one week here, one week there kind of situation and they have joint custody. So if that's the case and it depends on your state I believe that at a certain age you can go to the judge and say you know, my choice is that I really want to live here, and then maybe you only have to tolerate on holidays or or things of that nature. And you can talk to the judge and tell the judge I just I don't feel safe, you know she's vindictive, she's heartless, whatever the case may be, and say you know, this is my dad's choice, but it's not mine. I have a wonderful mom, obviously, because there's joint custody. I'd rather spend my career of high school with her and you know, whatever a day, maybe like a Saturday, once a month or whatever. Tell them what you're comfortable with, right, and say this is what I want.
Speaker 1:And it sounds like maybe, if you do what it sounds like if you tell your mom that you know you don't want to be every week, every other week, every, whatever the case may be that maybe this can be done. You know you don't want to be every week, every other week, every, whatever the case may be that maybe this can be done. You know, and if your dad cares about you but he's afraid of the witch, then maybe he'll fight this quietly and then just let it happen for you. Because the first thing is first is you. You know you're the priority right, and my heart breaks, but I mean, you're so smart, you're a smart girl. Do not let this affect your school and your school career, don't you know? Let it depress you. You keep your head up and remember and you know, even if when you are I'm not giving legal advice, but these are things that can be done.
Speaker 1:And just find yourself when you're with your dad doing all sorts of things, like maybe, hey, I got a huge test, I've got a huge paper due, I've got this, I got that, I'm going to volunteer at school, I'm going to, you know, get a part-time job, I'm going to do whatever until and make it sure that you're doing all that when maybe a study group or, you know, maybe after school activities or get into a club or something like that, where you're technically at their place for that period of time but you're not having to be there that whole time because you're involved in all this other stuff, and then nobody can dispute it. I mean, who's going to say, no, you're with me for this week, you can't be in the academic club? No, you can't. You know, go and volunteer at the children's hospital, whatever the case is. I mean, a parent, a good parent, is not going to say no to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I mean, that's what I did during high school especially. I just joined whatever I could, even if I just was like, oh, I have to, I'm studying with some kids, even if I was by myself after school, you know, I would just stay at school until the late bus because, my God, it just meant me not being at home and they didn't care, they didn't want to deal with me. So it was better off that way, but I, I would even take it a step further. And again, you know it's kind of like that last one, but I feel like I'm just like bold today or something. But you know the stuff on the phone that's called verbal abuse. Yes, and abuse is abuse.
Speaker 2:Document, whatever you can, I think, if there's documentation, but specifically if it's recorded, whether it's video or audio, I would record. I would start recording these things and go to somebody at school I know that there I had a counselor in my high school that was assigned to me and I also had a teacher I think I talked about that in the book that there was one teacher that I had that kind of saw me, for he saw through me and so I felt like I could eventually confide in him. I would be taking those things to somebody else and if they wanted to call child services which actually if they're a school, they would probably be liable and responsible to do that I don't think that's a bad idea, because then when mom or whoever anybody petitions the court, that will be brought in as evidence and that will be considered and that will be considered more than a 14-year-old that just doesn't like her stepmother. And I'm not saying that dismissively, I'm saying that because in a court of law right now, that's what they're going to look at it, as is that you're just not happy that dad got you. Believe me, I've had every scenario put on my plate, so I already know how they think before they're going to think it. But right now we live in a beautiful time.
Speaker 2:I wish that back then I had evidence, I had a cell phone or something that could record these things. We didn't have those things back then. We had witnesses, if there were any, and even then people were scared, just like the mom with the three daughters. So you have a cell phone, probably you have anything. Record these conversations before you even get. Don't go looking for fights. Probably you have anything.
Speaker 2:Record these conversations before you even get and don't go looking for fights. But when you're you know if nothing happens in that then you can just delete that conversation, delete that recording, fine. But when stuff is happening, when you hear her coming up those stairs or you're on the phone with her, she answers you press record, you start collecting evidence because that is going to hold up more with child services and a court of law and honestly I think this woman needs a little visit from child services, because if I lived anywhere near these people I would not be able to sit by and just watch this poor girl get treated the way she's being treated, because this is exactly how people grow up to be, like me and you and I mean we're great now, but we weren't for how long.
Speaker 1:Yeah we weren't.
Speaker 1:I don't know what kind of phone you have and I'm going to tell you you can. I have an iPhone and you can set up the iPhone where the top button on the left will instantly record for you and it does make a little beep, but what you do is hit it before and then, if you black out the screen, it will look like nothing's going on, and so it won't trigger a question of why are you recording me? Because all teenagers are going to walk around with their phones in their hand, right, right, everybody does it. I mean most adults do. But if she's walking around and you know she hits the button, program your buttons, like. You can go into your settings and set your buttons up where you can. I have mine where the top left, very top left, is record button. You just tap it and it records. But then I go back to my home screen so that if I put my phone down on the table while I'm having the conversation, then it doesn't look like I'm recording.
Speaker 1:And if she is as evil and narcissistic as she's obviously sounds like, she might also start to get paranoid and she'll want to try to trap you. Well, if that's the case and your phone sitting on the table. She can't say anything because she won't know, right, you can't dispute. And a recorded conversation that you just can't and so right, and and you don't want her to entrap you and say, oh dad, she's trying to do all these things to ruffle my feathers and do whatever it is. Record it and then, like dana said, you can go into your you know recording voice memos, delete it, but then go into your deleted and delete it there too, so that you can't go back and get it and it doesn't look like you are trying to entrap her. But that that's what I would do. I would reset my phone, that's what I've and you know.
Speaker 1:I'm ridiculous about getting evidence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a, I'm an audio recorder, I'm an audio person in general. Just, you know, when I'm writing my books and whatever, or even just random thoughts, I have like a little app that looks like. It actually looks like a little corn on the cob, but it's kind of a microphone or something. Anyway, I don't know what app it is, but I just tap on it and just start talking and it'll transcript it out. If I want it, it can send the voice file. So, like I always for stuff like this where I need supposed evidence because of narcissists, and like with my ex, especially with court back when we had to do all that, it's nice to send it to your email. So then it's recorded in Google and that way you can get it off your phone. But it's still out there and and and accessible if you need it. But yes, the recording is the big thing. And just one more little addition on that is you know this girl, you've read my books. You know, then, out of gasping for air, that the my books. You know, then, out of gasping for air, that the one thing you know from my dad, who's a retired Chicago cop, and the cops that I dealt with trying to get my ex dealt with.
Speaker 2:Um evidence. They said you have to have evidence. In this day and age they don't do the he said, she said stuff and especially when you're a minor, your, your credibility is even less. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I don't want to say zero, but yeah, it pretty much is. Because whatever the adult in charge says which sounds like it's stepmom that's in control of the narrative, then that's what's going to be, you know, really pushed. You know it's kind of like politics, the agenda of the more powerful people gets pushed. It's kind of like politics, the agenda of the more powerful people gets pushed. So you have to have solid evidence. That is indisputable. So just start collecting it. That's my biggest thing. Start collecting it because that is not healthy for this girl to be in that situation with the stepmom. But the only way out is evidence.
Speaker 1:And I want to go and offer something to her. She's reached out to me and she reaches out to me again when she hears this and I have saved her information and you find a way for me to send you. I'm going to let Dana tell you my one of my books, which is not who's there, is about a narcissist, actually too, and all the evidence that I collected. And if you can tell me somewhere that I can send the book to you, I will send it to you. I will send a copy off to you so you can see and I'm not doing that to show my book, I'm doing that because and I'll let Dana kind of explain why my book is nothing but evidence and you can, you know, kind of get an idea of different things that you can use in your on your benefit, on your behalf, and then it might make it a little easier for you. And then, when you're done, toss it.
Speaker 1:I don't care, you know, don't let them catch you with it or say it's a book you're doing for school or whatever the case may be, but that way you can see what different kind of evidence you can get, how to get it and what to do with it and then, like I said, I will send it to you for free. I will ship it off to you wherever I can send it to you. You know, maybe if you tell a friend, hey, I have someone sending me a book, can I send it to your house, like your best friend, or whatever, just tell someone sending me a book, can I send it to your house like your best friend, or whatever. Just tell me and I'll send it your way. But I guess, like I don't want it to sound like I'm tooting my horn about my book, but I want her to understand the concept of getting and gathering the evidence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's not about tooting your own horn. I mean it's amazing. I, by the way, I'm very humbled that she read my books, so, and so I want to say thank you to her if she's listening to this. But no, what I do love and I've said it before about Narc Narc, who's there, I mean you're, you're kind of filling in the backstory of what you're presenting, but the whole book you've got text, I mean screenshots of text messages between other people, between you and certain people pictures, letters, emails. I mean it's just they're shooting themselves in their own feed and they don't even know it.
Speaker 2:And I think people forget they get so, you know, egotistical. I guess they get in their own head and think they're this big shit that nothing can happen to them. And what are you going to do that? They just get careless. And you know something like the way this woman is talking to you know, step mom is talking to this girl.
Speaker 2:Well, it's careless to the extent that everyone has a cell phone now and cell phones can do a lot of amazing things now, like record, which is a basic function, and if you want to repeatedly say those things to somebody, I mean somebody could argue oh well, you know, the girl has to toughen up, she shouldn't be too sensitive, because that's what I always got, and I say F you, nobody should talk. I would never think of talking to somebody else's child like that. I don't care if you're married to their father, their mother, their whoever there. You don't talk to a child like that. That is a sign of a person that doesn't give a shit about anybody but themselves, and I have a big problem with that.
Speaker 2:So, yes, I hope this girl is listening and can reach back out to us, but just know that you have our full support. I think I speak for you. Obviously, victoria, I'm throwing you out there anyway, but I know you, I know your heart, so I know that you're with me, that we are here to support this young girl, however that we can, and so we can't. We're not attorneys. We can't necessarily give all the advice, but we can give you ideas about ways to go about handling this. But evidence is the key and if you want to reach out to dana.
Speaker 1:You know you can. You can reach out and give me, and give me permission, and I'll give dana your information and how to get to you. Um, and, like I said, however you want, I, I want you to see how, and and the evidence gathering isn't just don't think of it as a ha ha ha, I got you. It's protecting yourself. It's protecting yourself Because if this stepmom is the way that you're presenting her, she's going to escalate and it's going to get worse. You need to protect yourself, right, even if you never use it.
Speaker 1:I held my evidence. Some of my evidence is 30 years old, right, and I and I kept it, and that doesn't make me crazy, that makes me sane and you know what. I'll be honest with you. Originally, I started keeping evidence because I was like I didn't do this, I was accused of this and I didn't do it, and it was really honestly in the beginning, there, sweetheart, it was honestly.
Speaker 1:It was there for me to go back and look at and be like I'm not who they say I am. I wasn't even there and they're accusing me and it's not me, it's them. They will not take accountability and because they did something wrong and they won't own up to it. They're putting it off on me. And so I originally started keeping things for my own peace of mind, because when you hear it constantly, every, every single day, you begin to wonder you know, is everything my fault? You know, I didn't ask to come on this earth, I didn't ask to be born, you know, and I'm here. But it's not okay for them to put blame on you. And so that's why I originally started keeping things, because I wanted to go back and say you know what I didn't do this, you know. And it took me into my forties to realize that I was not to blame for things that I was blamed for in my childhood. Well, that's exactly it.
Speaker 2:That's exactly it, and and I don't I don't know that I've ever met anybody that feels guilty. I think when, when you get to the point of knowing that you need to record evidence and keep you and keep some kind of written or electronic evidence of any type, it's because you're trying to almost even prove to yourself. Because that's how it was for me. I was being told I never said that, you never said that, I never did that, I never, never, never. Everything I saw, my entire reality, was negated by not just one person. I had three people my husband, my mother and my stepfather all telling me if I thought I experienced something a certain way, it was wrong. You start to think you're freaking nuts. You have everybody in your life telling you that your experience of reality is that far off.
Speaker 2:So I started keeping the evidence, like, okay, let me read this and let me read it again, because I will say this and it is a trauma thing, this is a normal thing, Cause I remember this happening once where I read a text message and I immediately you know it, it. It meant a certain thing to me and I was offended and it was awful. But then, when I, when I, when I calmed down a little bit and reread it, I had I had admittedly taken it wrongly, and that is a trauma thing because you're so used to people coming at you that you re, so sometimes it is good to have it for that, but it's also good to have it so you know what's what. So when they say I never said that, I never did that to you, You're this, you're that, I don't know I've got it right here. And am I reading this wrong?
Speaker 1:Like look at this Victoria. Why would you have to get all this evidence against me? Why? What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2:but it's good to sometimes have another set of eyes on it, because that's the thing. If you give 20 recordings to somebody and say I feel like I'm being verbally abused by this person, what do you think? Just let them listen and see what they think. Because sometimes, even just having that validation because again I am just going based off this one letter that she wrote in, but that one incident, the things that the stepmother said to her on the phone, to me that sounds like verbal abuse. And if you hand me five, 10, 15 recordings that this woman has a consistent pattern because you know what we all have our days, I'm not saying it's right, no, but assuming she is the a-hole that she seems to be and you can present with evidence a consistent pattern of behavior, that is going to be something that will be held up in court and dad's going to lose custody and hallelujah and amen, and I would love to be there for that day.
Speaker 1:that's all okay, I got one more. All right, and this isn't me, so I might just let my assistant from another mistletoe take this one. But I read your nart nart who's there but victoria? And I have to say it was eye opening and I downright found it funny. I found it funny, yeah, I found it funny that you went to the length to go out and basically destroy the people who were your quote unquote family. And, like I told everybody from the beginning, I will read every comment and everything and I will. So I found it downright funny. And I've heard on your show that you say for every one thing that you put in the book, you have 10 to 15 more. So are you going to write another book with the rest of the evidence? Because I have to tell you, I sat down and read this over the course of only a few days and I was laughing throughout the entire book. I'm hoping that you will do another one. Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, let me tell you that lady that asked for me to let her know when somebody was going to blow their fucking top excuse my language because she wants to get her sweet tea and sit on the porch just get your damn sweet tea ready, because I'm pissed. That pisses me off. You know what I get people that hate on my books too and have things to say and shame me. But let me tell you there is nothing funny about a man using his daughter to cheat on his wife and granddaughter, and over and over, and using his granddaughter's illnesses and disabilities to get women to get material possessions to have any gain. It's disgusting. And if you can find humor in that and forgive me but you know, it's OK to not like somebody, it's OK to not like a book, it's okay to feel how you feel. I do want to pull back and validate that, because I don't like being judgmental, but the one thing that I will not tolerate is when somebody shames or judges or laughs, mocks somebody who has been a victim of terrible abuse. Perhaps the things in this book are not enough evidence for this woman, but here's the thing. I think you know this already, but I'm going to say it anyway. You, victoria, don't need to prove shit to anybody. Even without this book, those of us that know you and know what you've been through and know the whole ordeal, we validate you, we are on your side and we hear you and we are roaring for justice for you. Eventually, karma will be the biggest bitch and bite him in the ass. To laugh, to actually go through the effort to write in and say that you found it funny. It's really disgusting to me. You're talking about people that knew that their only grandchild, a child, had been the victim of horrible abuse in the womb that her father tried well, I say that lightly, but her biological father tried to kill her in the womb that her father tried Well, I say that lightly, but her biological father tried to kill her in your womb and what he did to you, it's such a horrific thing to even envision anyone enduring. It's a wonder to me that you're even fricking sitting there and can smile ever and that your daughter is the lovely person that she is. She's all snarky and funny and sarcastic and all those things, but we love that about her. But the fact that you two are still alive, literally, literally, is a freaking miracle. So to laugh about any part of this, because your egg donor and sperm donor were participants in all this and did not a goddamn thing to help either one of you. That infuriates me.
Speaker 2:It absolutely infuriates me that anybody could find any of it funny and I and you know, taking all that out of it, you think it's funny that a man is cheating on his wife and involving his daughter and his grandchild. You think it's funny that he's flaunting, you know, young women as if he's entitled to have whoever he wants. That's not funny. It's not funny. If whoever this is, what? If your husband cheated on you, would that be funny? Would it be funny for us to laugh at it? No, so that's just very ignorant to me. And she's probably whoever this is is probably sitting there laughing because you want to talk about narcissistic behavior. They probably think it's funny to get the reaction and I gave it. It is what it is, but I'm not going to let somebody sit here and mock and laugh at what really is not funny at all.
Speaker 2:This is the reality that a lot of people face. I thought about writing a book about my adult life as the child of two narcissists, and it is very different than the life as a child under their roof A lot less physical but still very, very, very bothersome and very hurtful. But the fact that you and your daughter were literally almost killed by your ex and there was participation before and after and taking advantage of that situation for personal benefit disgusting. And if that's funny to for personal benefit disgusting. And if that's funny to somebody, well then. There's a nice place in hell right next to my ex that I'm sure you'll be happy laughing down there with him the end. I'm sorry but that's atrocious to me.
Speaker 1:Well, I thank you immensely for having my back, as always. I just want to say, see, I feel, I feel bad for this person and I know you're gonna look at me, go what I know, and she rolls her eyes at me Because there's nothing in this book that's funny. There's nothing in this book that's funny. It is not a, he said. She said it is a 100% factual book with more evidence than and I'm saying this to people who haven't seen it, haven't read it, flip through it and to find and reach out and say to me you know, I hope you write another one with more proof, because I finished it in a course of a few days and I thought it was downright hysterical. Is it's sad? It's sad. Um, I truly hope that she is not going and I'm hoping that she's not trying to heal from her own abuse and she's, you know, projecting. I'm hoping, but my gut tells me she's a narcissist, hands down that she's a narcissist, um, but I'm trying to look at the.
Speaker 1:You know the, the really deep part of it, and I'm I I'm sorry that you took this in a way that it was comedy, because it's not.
Speaker 1:It was my life, it's my child's life. Uh, I I say all the time I don't want an adult having to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood, and that's what I've been doing and that's what Dana's been doing, and I broke the cycle so that my daughter wouldn't have to do that and for you to reach out. Thank you for reaching out, thank you for reading it. Like I said, anybody who reaches out and gives me a comment or a statement or whatever, regardless good or bad or indifferent, I'll read it. Like you know, I could have gone and not read this, but she took the time and so I'm taking the time to respond and I'm sorry. You found it funny and I wish nothing but the best for you, but we obviously don't see things on the same page or the same wavelength and you know I don't have any really other things to say about it, because I don't want to stoop to that level and be just the same as.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there's nothing to say. Honestly, I mean, I had a whole mouthful and you're being very gracious and honestly, you know what it's not like. I haven't gotten, you know, a-holes that have, you know, given my any of my books. Well, no, it's just the one. But you know, giving me one star or whatever, although I know for certain who that person was. But and they have their reasons, but it's just, it's.
Speaker 2:It's hard, like if you don't like a book, you don't like a book, but to actually come out. I think I'm more offended at the fact that she's like well, where's the rest of your evidence? I mean, you think I put all my stories. I didn't put half of my stories in either one of my books. I could come up with that many more too, but it's just not funny to laugh at somebody else's pain and what hurt them.
Speaker 2:You know I've had. I know it was like a year ago my husband, somebody said something to my husband about me, like oh, I don't know why Dana, you know, feels so strongly about what you know and it was something about, you know, family and whatever. And you know well, because I didn't come from a Beaver, cleaver background like that person did. But don't ever judge somebody else, you know, for what they're feeling or what their experience was. You know, I always I use this example all the time, but I'm going to say it again.
Speaker 2:You know, live in a small town and everybody makes fun of this woman. Probably in her mid to late thirties. She lives in town and sometimes she goes outside for a walk and she does actually have I don't know her diagnosis, but she does have some sort of a you know, a diagnosed mental issues situation. But she goes, she tells everybody that the stop sign on the end of her block is her best friend and she talks to it. And my thing is why it pains me that people make fun of it, because I'm like, thank God that stop sign is there.
Speaker 2:She's not bothering anybody but that stop sign is there and it's listening to her and you know why she probably thinks it's her best friend because it's not talking back at her, it's not shaming her, it's not mocking her, it's not laughing at her, it's not judging her and thank I, thank God every day for that stop sign, that it's there for her, like people aren't. So that's just kind of where I come from with. This is like, if you think it's funny, that's fine. You know, there are times I'm around people and I feel a certain way about them, but I don't want to intentionally hurt them with what my opinion and I say that very strongly because it may or may not be right, because what you see is not always what is but I don't want to intentionally hurt somebody. I don't want to intentionally hurt somebody. And so for me I see this as when somebody goes out of their way to be like, oh yeah, whatever, I thought it was funny, they're trying to hurt your.
Speaker 2:I mean, if anybody even knew how much work was involved in writing a book, not just writing it, but let me tell you that cover, design, the formatting, the this and the that, and it's exhausting. That's why I'm grateful I have people that do that for me. You, my love, do it all by yourself, and God love you, cause I know you've told me, oh, just do it yourself, and I say F that. So you know what? Not everybody is going to like everybody in this world. I'm okay with not everybody liking me, I'm okay with not everybody liking our books, and that's fine. But to judge and shame, to intentionally cause somebody upset or harm, or to poo poo on any success anybody has had, you're just a shitty human that's it, yes, and with that we are going to take a break and come back, uh, with another episode here soon.
Speaker 2:Stucco is right here loving on mama and uh we yeah, I need stucco to come here because this was a rough episode, can I tell you?
Speaker 1:We had a really great 14-year-old girl Well that.
Speaker 2:and then the mom with the three. If I had to live with three of my exes and my ex, god, freaking help us I'd be in jail.
Speaker 1:And then you have, you know, our little country girl that you know you have. You know our little country girl that you know. So I mean, you know, I love that we have such a variety of people who tune in. And you know, to the person, I won't categorize her as a woman because we are women, but to the individual who was snarky and found comedy in my book, you know I'm going to take a page from our country friend and say God bless you or bless your heart, isn't it? Bless your heart?
Speaker 2:Bless your heart. It's bless your heart, yeah. And I'm a Midwest girl and I know that yeah, bless your heart is the Midwest way of saying. F you what's? Bless your thump and gizzard? I don't know. I don't know. They say a lot of fun things in the South. I always start. I started talking like I was a Southern girl when I was thinking I was going to move to North Carolina and now Doug has me stuck up here. So I don't know, but I might start using that and other terms.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, well, I also yeah, I taught.
Speaker 2:I'm going to add to that I taught your daughter Twat Waffle. So I'm going to say bless your heart, twat Waffle. That's my answer.
Speaker 1:I love it. So I'm going to say bless your heart, twat waffle. That's my answer.
Speaker 2:I love it Now. I know because she asked me how to sign twat waffle and I taught her.
Speaker 1:And now I know why. Oh yeah, it's because of me. I love it. I think it's good Gotta love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was my nice version of see you next Tuesday, but a twat waffle is much more fun.
Speaker 1:Yes, especially to see signs that nobody knows what they're saying to me. Yeah, and next time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, next time for the Southern girl I'll ask grandma for some expletives. I can say in Spanish I mean, I know, chinga tu madre, you know stuff like that. I don't even know what that means. Yeah, it means.
Speaker 1:Well, I won't say it on air, sit and spin on a high heel.
Speaker 2:I love that. That will never get old. I love that. Sit on a high heel, bless your heart. All right, we're done insulting everybody, so we're gonna go. Uh, I think we all need to like have a few deep breaths after this sweet tea with some stuff in it, for sure, thank.
Speaker 1:Thank you everybody, we'll be back sooner than you know it.
Speaker 2:All right, peace out.
Speaker 1:Love you.
