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A Contagious Smile Podcast
A Contagious Smile is a powerful platform dedicated to uplifting and empowering special needs families and survivors of domestic violence. Through heartfelt stories, we shine a light on the journeys of extraordinary individuals who have overcome unimaginable challenges. Their triumphs serve as a testament to resilience and strength, inspiring others to rediscover their own inner light. Each episode features candid interviews with survivors, advocates, and experts who provide valuable resources and insights to support those on their own paths to healing and empowerment. Join us as we celebrate the power of resilience, the beauty of shared stories, and the unstoppable spirit of those who turn adversity into hope. Let us guide you in rekindling your spirit, because every smile tells a story of courage and transformation.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
When Men Are Survivors: Redefining Domestic Abuse Beyond Gender Stereotypes
Every survivor deserves a voice—regardless of gender. When Michael witnessed his wife Victoria's domestic violence advocacy work up close for the first time, it sparked a raw, necessary conversation about who abuse affects and how cycles can be broken.
Victoria pulls back the curtain on her nearly two decades as an advocate, showing how she bridges the gap between survivors, law enforcement, and the court system. She explains the crucial first steps an advocate takes when approaching authorities: "I am not a threat to you, I am a domestic violence advocate." This inside look demystifies a process that many fear, potentially giving survivors the courage to seek the help they deserve.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when Michael shares his own journey as a male survivor of emotional and financial abuse. "I would tell people, 'Oh, that's just the way she is' for years," he reveals, describing how he would "smile and laugh it off" while going home miserable. His vulnerability challenges the harmful stereotype that men can't be victims, showing fellow male survivors they aren't alone in their experiences.
Both hosts emphasize that breaking generational cycles is possible—and essential. "It is not fair to make our children spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood," Victoria states, as they discuss how conscious parenting choices can create homes free from the trauma they experienced. Their message is clear: whether you're seeking help or supporting someone who is, speaking up against abuse changes lives.
Ready to join the conversation about breaking cycles of abuse? Subscribe now and share your thoughts. If you're experiencing domestic violence or know someone who is, resources are available through our website—because everyone deserves a life free from abuse.
Good evening and welcome to another episode of A Contagious Smile, unstoppable. I am Victoria with my incredibly handsome, sexy, wonderful soulmate, michael Whatever Howdy y'all, I have to tell you that when I was talking earlier doing a kind of a meetup thing for other podcast hosts Sorry, my husband's being very loud over there with his stuff he's working on they asked me how I would summarize this particular podcast that we do, babe, and I said it's the redhead and the redneck. Oh Lord, but it's cute, right, that's cute.
Speaker 1:So, so we have lots to talk about today, not that that's cute. So we have lots to talk about today not that that's surprising. And of course, my stucco's here, mama's baby boy we could talk about stucco squad before we in the show tonight. I wanted to take a minute first of all and let's say happy birthday to rustyy, our other amazing sweet baby. He is two today. He is just the sweetest baby ever, next to Stucco, of course. So it's his birthday and we're doing all sorts of sweetnesses for him and we have really had an eye-opening experience. I've really had an eye-opening experience. My husband got to kind of see firsthand how I advocate for domestic violence. He has seen it in the background, but not up close and personal, step-by-step along the way and as an outsider looking in. What are your thoughts about this so far?
Speaker 2:Well, it's quite different than what I'm used to. You really, as, I guess, the advocate, you mostly hear one side of the story, I'm assuming, but you need the other side of the coin to get the big picture. No different than you know. When I was a cop and I'd arrive on scene, you had to get the totality of circumstance listen to the victim, listen to the alleged suspect, look at the scene and you know, look at both of them. So I'm getting a bigger insight on what y'all go through when you advocate.
Speaker 1:Well, I've had people ask me what it is like for an advocate, and you know how I am when it comes to talking about me, I don't do very well. I can talk about everybody else all day, but I can't talk about myself. So how about answering that question for our listeners as to what is it like? What is it like watching me? Because you've only seen it from the back way. You've never seen me actually in action being that advocate and, due to circumstances that we aren't able to talk about for many reasons, we can kind of be very generic about it.
Speaker 1:So you arrived on the scene with me to a situation that was involving domestic violence with kids involved, and we ended up going over there with lots of food and some groceries and diapers and pull ups and wipes and stuff, since they didn't have any, and you got to see what it is.
Speaker 1:I've done for almost 20 years and that's your first time really seeing it as it actually happened unfold. So so many listeners want to know what that's like on the outside, because maybe that's what they need to know before they take that step to get out, and they want to know what it's going to be like to have somebody come in, you know? Are they interrogating them? Is it like getting abused all over again? What do they expect? Um, you know, so you can use me as the dummy here and say what you've seen, for you know people who want to know, so maybe they can make that intelligent decision when they're ready, that they know that they're safe and they can get out so, number one, you are far from a dummy with three doctors oh my, whatever, carry on, go ahead what's wrong with having three doctors?
Speaker 2:I don't have any you have mine, you mean I have you, yes.
Speaker 2:so, folks, whether you're the survivor at the time, you know, or you're the alleged suspect abuser, especially involving kids, those who advocate, especially the judge, they're going to want the kid's best interest in mind. They're going to always put the kids first. Okay, unfortunately, from what I've seen in law enforcement, the law tends to believe the female, because usually that's the first person who calls Okay. Now, that's not always the case and in this particular, this particular case, you know, we're seeing something different. So, yes, my wife is a fierce advocate when it comes to the kids and she's all for the kids. She's all for the survivor too. When the survivor is correct, okay, there's cues, there's warning signs, there's inconsistencies, you know, in folks' statements that will allow us to determine. You know, who is the abuser and who is the survivor, the victim at the time.
Speaker 1:Well, not to interrupt you, but also you can interrupt me. Oh thanks, but you can come right back here in just a second. But also, what a lot of people need to realize is that a lot of times, women especially don't want to go to the authorities because they say I don't have any proof, or he said, she said, or I have no marks on my body. These are all factors that make them decide that they're going to stay, and that is not something that they should do. And that's a big deal is a lot of times, like even men you know, they're like well, I have no marks on me, or you know she threatened me or whatever the case may be, but there's no proof of it. So it becomes a he said, she said, and it becomes a huge, huge ordeal because the law enforcement gets involved. And then do you get a TPO and then you got to go to court and then, if there's a kids involved, then are you doing a separation, are you doing a TPO? Are you going through a divorce? At this point, are you going to go through and have a contested divorce or a non-contested divorce? And what about the placement of the children? And all of these are major factors that go into place and having a domestic violence or a special needs advocate if you have a family member with special needs that is being affected by domestic violence, I am here to tell you it makes a world of difference.
Speaker 1:I mean, what do you think? I think you know. You think, yes, you know, because you really we go through so much training and you really do see things that the average Joey bag of donuts, as my husband calls, would not see. And, like my husband said, he you know, he was a cop for 13 years and Air Force and everything else. He was a cop for 13 years and air force and everything else. And when I started explaining and he started saying things firsthand, he saw how I worked, exactly like how you are involved in these and the things that most people would overlook and not even recognize because they're just common things are actually huge, huge flags for us to really know what's going on. So can you kind of tell everybody because I've had people write and want to know what to expect from an advocate we can use the situation that we've been in all weekend without giving you know specifics, like what did you witness as myself advocating?
Speaker 2:What can someone who's never had to deal with an advocate before expect so, folks, if you talk, if and when you talk to an advocate, okay, listen. Uh, just like any trained professional, they know their job, they, they see things that you're not privy to over the many months and years they've been advocating. Ok it a lot of times, you know, folks try to snowblow the police officer and tell and tell me something different about this traffic accident, when I can look at the position of the vehicles, I can see the damage and and I can tell you exactly what happened without hearing from you the lies coming out of your gullet, ok, so just just be truthful and tell me exactly what happened. Ok, don't leave nothing out. What you might think is minuscule may be the key factor in winning those kids, ok, so Right, but I guess what I'm looking at.
Speaker 1:So many people were asking what to expect from the advocate from inception, because they've never had an advocate for them and because of that they they don't know what they do and what they don't do. What to expect, like, for instance, uh, over this weekend course of events, uh, the police were, the sheriffs were actually called, and so at that point, like what, what did I do as an advocate so the people can understand? People are like I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea how to or what to do at this point, or expect it, what can I expect to happen? So how do you answer?
Speaker 2:So the advocate goes before you and the police officers, the judge, okay, their intermediary between those two, liaison if you will and they advise them on what they have obtained as far as fact, circumstance, evidence, if that and that way it kind of sums up to the officer hey, this is the meat and taters of what you're going to get Now. Now you can go listen to their story, their side, and then, you know, file a police report from there. But this is, this is the gist and I'm here to assist you and uh in the investigation. But uh, yeah, that was, um, uh, that was something exciting.
Speaker 1:See my wife in action well, when the sheriffs arrived, uh, on the scene, my husband, who has never seen me, actually ineffective of being on a call like this I immediately got up and started to approach the officers. Well, the all you know is that the officers know that there's a domestic dispute, domestic violence situation happening. They don't know what level and as, as my husband will tell you, that is the most dangerous call that an officer goes on. And when I started to approach the officer, I made sure he could see my hand, because I don't have another one, and I walked up to him and I said you can have mine thank you.
Speaker 1:I said, sir, I am not a threat to you, I am a domestic violence advocate. I am here to to discuss things with you. I told him that both my husband and I are armed and I advised him where the weapons were and I advised him that this is what I knew thus far and I gave him the rundown, I reminded him we didn't pose a threat to him, I let him know where the firearms were and I made sure, when I approached the officer or the deputy, rather that my, you know, he had visibility of my hands at all times. Because he doesn't know he's on high alert. He is like tunnel vision adrenaline, because this is the call that takes so many officers' lives, and so why is that?
Speaker 2:Why is that? Because you've got emotions out the wazoo, right. Then let's say, okay, I I believe mary. Okay, as a police officer, I believe mary. And I say, mary, I'm going to arrest joey bag of donuts, your husband, and I'm going to take his butt to jail. He's going to jail. You hear me, woman, he's going to jail. Well, guess what? Oh, you're not taking my man for me oh, that's my breadwinner he loves me. And so what? He broke my arm.
Speaker 1:He didn't mean to he loves, and so many times it's this survivor that ends up incarcerated because she has defense wounds or whatever on the abuser, and so the woman ends up going in or the man in that case.
Speaker 2:But so now I gotta fight joey to arrest him. Now mary's jumping on my back whooping the snot out of me. I've got to call backup because I got beat up by a woman trying to fight a man and you don't want excessive force charges and yeah. So a lot of times that happens I know y'all police officer out there, y'all can, um, you know, you know monday morning quarterback me. But uh, if you haven't been in that situation, I hope you don't. But if you haven't been in that situation, I hope you don't.
Speaker 1:So after I identified who I was and what I did, he approached me the person and decided to start asking questions. Now, there wasn't a second deputy on scene so they couldn't separate the parties and get each other's stories, but the questions are asked. As an advocate, I stayed, but I wasn't that person's advocate. We were asked to come over because of that situation and because the kids were literally starving, without any kind of diapers and major everyday necessities. So, with that being said, you know the reason we're bringing this up. You have to forgive us for being so generic. One of the major things people know about me is I am so, so big on confidentiality and protecting the people that I help, and that is because I want them to know that they do have a safe place that unconditionally accepts them and wants to help them, and that's why that is so important to me and if God forbid you ever have to use it to the listeners out there, they can expect the same.
Speaker 1:So the reason we wanted to discuss this was not to tell this family's business, but because men out there are very afraid to come forward, because they're afraid nobody will believe them. I'm a man. I can't get hit, i't get beat, I can't do this, I can't do that, and that's not true. That is not true. A man absolutely can be the survivor of abuse, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I hate the word victim and I know that it's really relevant right now. And, like everybody says, oh, they're the victim of this and the victim no. And I don't look at it that way because you know, the minute you arrive on the scene, they're going to say, okay, well, they were the victim of abuse, they were a victim of assault or battery or whatever that case may be. But here's the thing they're not. They are not a victim, they are a survivor, because the minute it's over, you're a survivor because you survived. And I hate the term victim. I wish they would just do away with it because it belittles the people in my opinion. In my opinion, absolutely belittles them. I'm just curious, on a complete yeah, my husband's husband's going to say I'm on a left field, my husband is actually sewing, but he's missing. Did you have to put that in there? I took pictures.
Speaker 1:But you're, where is Buttercup's ear? One of our dogs ate it. It had to be Uno.
Speaker 2:Buttercup is our daughter's little teddy bear. She's had.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, this is a great Stance. This is a great example. I was given the most beautiful donkey when I was born by my grandparents and I still have it to this day. I purchased the cutest. I don't know if anybody remembers when Brookstone was open. They had the it's called a nap N-A-P and they had comforters and slippers, but they had these gorgeous bears and they were so soft and cuddly and I I had purchased one for faith, while pregnant and idiot as I refer to him uh ripped it into pieces and got rid of it so she couldn't have it anymore. Well, I ended up buying like ten of them and I actually put one of them in the safe deposit box because I know how much my donkey still to this day means to me, because it was a symbol of love from my grandparents. So I put a tiny, itty bitty little blue dot on buttercup's paw and he he got rid of about eight of them and I don't know how, but whenever he would see it he would just shred it. So this is actually the original and it's quite old and one of our dogs got a hold of it, but we've purchased a couple of more over the years on eBay so that she'll always have one and my husband is trying to give it a little touch up and I was just curious if he had the body parts for it. But it's super sweet that my husband is sitting here and sewing for his sweet little girl.
Speaker 1:So, like I was saying, you know, if you're in in this situation, please don't just don't suppress it, don't bottle it up, don't hold it in, because then the kids get affected. Do not talk about it in front of the kids, you know, stay away from that, because they're children. And let me tell you from experience, and I'm pretty sure my husband will concur with this it is not fair to make our children spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood and both of us had to and it's not fair. You know, it's grown-up business, keep it grown-up business. It's just. You know, yes, the kids are probably going to see it, they're going to hear it. Just, you know, yes, the kids are probably going to see it, they're going to hear it. But there's no reason to go at the end of the day and sit down with Joey or, you know, susie, or whomever, and say do you know what your dad did? Your dad did da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and what you're doing is you're tainting that child away from the parent, and that's not okay. It's not okay.
Speaker 1:The abuse in this country is getting so crazy. In numbers it shouldn't even be one number. The number should not even be number one. There should not be any domestic violence. Is that ever going to be possible? No, but we damn sure should try to stop the violence. Break the cycle. My husband and I both broke the cycle.
Speaker 1:If you brought faith in here right now, she'll tell you one I've never spanked her. Two I've never hit her. Three I've never popped her hand. Four I've never yelled at her. Five I've absolutely, to this day, can say openheartedly that I have never said anything to her that I regret, like, for instance, if she says something that hurt my feelings or did something and tried to upset me.
Speaker 1:I would have said to her and I know I've said this to her so many times Faith, I love you with all my heart. I asked you to complete your schoolwork. You chose not to complete your schoolwork, so you chose not to have movie night tonight. And so I say to her, or now with her phone hey, you chose not to get your book report in on time and you had a week to do it. So, since you chose not to get that done I am not taking anything away from you you are choosing to lose your phone until it's completed, and then they realize that there is consequences for their actions. There's a reaction to the action, and I have said that time and time again.
Speaker 1:Growing up, I used to hear all of the times you used to turn heads, and now you turn stomachs. You're nothing but all scars. You're Freddy Krueger and the elephant man had a baby together. You know, I wish that I had miscarried you. These are things that I heard as a young kid and those aren't things you forget, and so I'm so consciously aware of what I say.
Speaker 1:Even you know, my husband and I, after 25 years, have never had a fight. I would say we had one disagreement and even then I couldn't say anything hurtful to him. In 25 years, one disagreement I think that's amazing, but I couldn't say anything hurtful to him. In 25 years, one disagreement, I think that's amazing, but I couldn't say anything hurtful to him. Because, just because you're in that moment, when you are in that moment, take a minute, step back and realize this is your person, and in a week or a month is it really going to be something you remember or you know. You just let it go and forget it, because a million and one factors are at play. Is it worth destroying someone's self-esteem, self-worth? No, it's not. You don't do that to people you love. You just don't do it. So I'm gonna let my husband speak for a minute because he's too busy sewing and he needs to participate in this redhead redneck podcast come on babe.
Speaker 2:No, carry on um. I think I've said my piece oh, nope, no so listen, okay, y'all your friends, your family, your neighbor, you see something, say something. Okay, hey, man, what's what? I ain't seen you. You lost some weight, you know uh that's a sign right there, yeah you, you, you, your eyes are red, I know you don't.
Speaker 2:You're not smoking anything, but, uh, are you tired? Why are you? Why are you so tired? You look haggard, you know. Ha, ha, ha, um, and vice versa, you know.
Speaker 2:For the females just just ask hey, is something going on, man, you know, and they may tell you. They may break down. Us guys we are stubborn, we don't want to talk to anybody about it, but sometimes when it's just you know, us bros, you know we may let it out. Yeah, man, that filly of mine. Oh, now you're calling my wife a horse. No, I'm just jaw jacking y'all. So you say something, say something, ask. You know you may save somebody's life. You don't know. So you know. I know my wife has got things about her book that, uh, she's published out there on amazon called who kicked first by victoria cure, and somebody actually wrote her and said your book saved my life. Now, how awesome would that? How awesome of a feeling is that to know that you know your story, that you shared, saved someone's life or helped save someone's life? You know, that's freaking awesome. I mean, that's worth 10 years of bookmaking right there.
Speaker 1:How about talk to the guys? Because we talk about it all the time but we don't specifically direct the conversation to men and you have been so forthcoming and honest about your previous marriages where there's been neglect and abuse.
Speaker 2:Yes, she said previous marriages.
Speaker 1:But you've been so forthcoming about it. Talk about what it's been like as a thriver from getting away from that and that you can have a good life Like what has that been like in the transition to now, so that people realize there is a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. They don't have to settle and stay.
Speaker 2:Yes, so my abuse was mostly verbal and emotional.
Speaker 1:Okay, I was a sole breadwinner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she did spend a lot of money and financial. I was a sole breadwinner. Yeah, she did spend a lot of money. So I got kind of browbeat and as a man, you don't want to just go up and say, hey man, I got whipped by my woman tonight. What'd she do? She hit you with a two-by-four. No, she nagged at me, yelled at me and all this. Well, you know that's not too man, manly.
Speaker 2:And society dictated to us hey man, you're, you're, you're supposed to be a man, take it like a man, don't don't sit there and whine and complain, um, but like I tell all these guys, I said, man, there's only so much we can bottle up before we implode or explode. So I had a hard time coming forward and admitting that, hey, I'm in an abusive relationship. I would tell people, oh, that's just the way she is for years, and I would just smile and laugh it off. And you know I would go home miserable. I mean, I could not wait to go to my 16 hour job in 150 degree heat because that was more pleasant than going home, and if y'all are there, you know what I'm talking about. Towards the end, when I really started seeing the relationship I was in, I would open the front door and I would see that woman in the kitchen and as soon as I saw her face, my countenance would drop. I just knew I was in for another argument, another nagging. You know something, and you know this went on for years, you know, just trying to placate her. Yeah, yeah, yes, okay, okay, well, you know whatever.
Speaker 2:And uh, it got to me a lot, so much that I didn't realize it, because you know the damn tree is too close to you, you can't see the forest and you don't want to listen to anybody else. You don't want to listen to your friends or family when they tell you this. But, um, I heard a recording of my voice during that time and oh my God, it was like during that time. And oh my god, it was like. It was like man, you, somebody shot my horse, you know, uh, my old yeller died. I was just a miserable sob and it was so bad.
Speaker 2:Y'all, I was putting crown apple liquor in my coffee, going to work, drinking, and then it got worse. Where I would drink, I would carry a flask to work and in the bed of our trucks all of us had a cooler with beer. We drank beer on the way home. Yes, I know I'm a bad influence, but that was me back then. I've changed man now. Uh, yeah, so now I'm with my soulmate and there's light at the end of the tunnel. Y'all, there's a beautiful redhead out there for y'all. Uh, just not this one. This one's mine. And um, yeah, y'all please go get her book.
Speaker 1:Who kicked first on amazon, that's not what we're talking about, but well they need to read it. Okay, it's a hard read y'all. Even with the first one, I want men to see.
Speaker 2:Men can read your book. No, I'm talking about They'll try.
Speaker 1:Okay, and on the first marriage, you know the financial abuse you went through. These are things that men maybe don't realize is considered to be financial abuse, and hearing it from a man you know is so important because they can resonate with you.
Speaker 2:Guys, I paid for my first wife's boyfriend's college.
Speaker 1:Without knowing it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, go figure, I paid his way through college. I don't know how many years, but when I wised up and found out about it, you know I stopped that shit. So yeah, that was the first marriage. Second marriage was a little different, and now I'm in my last marriage, my third. So enough about me, let's talk about you.
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk about me. Toby Keith, let's talk about Okay, bless Toby. I know right.
Speaker 2:We all miss him.
Speaker 1:He's just a good old boy.
Speaker 2:So, as Victoria was saying, get you an advocate. Okay, that came out of the country, didn't it?
Speaker 1:It did Okay.
Speaker 2:Well, those of y'all listening over in Ukraine, we got a big following in Ukraine. United Kingdom I thought it was Ukraine.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:Ukraine, ukraine, no, ukraine, united kingdom.
Speaker 1:I thought it was ukraine. Uk. What ukraine? No, ukraine, it's a country. It's a. What? That's a country? Ukraine.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna do something you don't like in a second you can't, because we're all well, they can listen to us talk country country yeah, that's country okay it's like wrestling no yes, wrestling y'all y'all, y'all, advise her that you put motor oil in your car, right? Oh, oh, I l oh oh you don't say oil. That just sounds funny. Okay, back to wrestling.
Speaker 1:Here's why no, but this is very important. These are such important things to talk about and we've got to discuss this. It's important because there aren't many men. What are you doing with that bear, did you really? My husband? You know what. He don't want me to tell you how soft he is, but I'm not soft.
Speaker 2:I'm a man I got. I got hair on. Don't want me to tell you how soft he is, but I'm not soft. I'm a man I got. I got hair on my chest.
Speaker 1:You didn't tell you. Oh, this is very important, this is so important. So on Monday we're going to go to a little bit of a lighter note. On Monday, as we all know, cause we've been talking about it, don't you walk out or I get really open with this my husband got his pooper scooper clean. He had to get the pooper scooper, so, of course, faith. Now, first let me back up. I'm always early, I'm ridiculously early, so he had to be there at 10. I said we are leaving by 8 so that we make it in plenty of time. No, no, no, no, no. We get there 8 minutes prior to beginning of the actual non-surgical, non-invasive procedure.
Speaker 1:That's good driving y'all yes, I drove there, then we, I drove there. No, you did not.
Speaker 2:Well, that's good planning on my part.
Speaker 1:No. So Faith asks the team is this surgery? And they all said absolutely not. It's a non-invasive procedure, it's not surgery. So Faith, as you all know, is a little prankster, to say the least, with her father and my husband, by the grace of God, god has never had a surgery and never known what to expect. And so faith is like oh, I'm old hat, I'm old school at this. So he's laying there and they have a nasal cannula, which, for the life of me, I don't know why. And they said, okay, well, let's talk about what you want medication, wise, before you go back.
Speaker 1:Faith is like he doesn't want verset. Why? Because verset gives him temporary amnesia of the event and he won't remember any of it. So faith is like no, my dad needs to remember every single bit. Now there's a part of this I don't think you know. And now I can tell you because I know you're gonna react. I love his reactions. So what are you doing? So I know he doesn't know this last part.
Speaker 1:So then they're like well, we're gonna give you propofol or fentanyl? And she's like no, he doesn't want any medicine. And they, they're laughing. And she's like no, he doesn't know. And no propofol. And they're like, okay, we'll give you a baby dose. And she touches his hand and she says dad, I'm so proud of you because you're embracing the lgbtq community, because you are getting a tube up your butt so you know what it feels like for gay sex and the whole medical staff lost it. They thought it was hilarious and she goes. But I really don't know how I feel about you doing a porno about it, because they're going to be taking pictures and there's some film involved and I don't really know how I feel about my dad doing this. They're cracking up so as they're getting ready to walk you out or wheel you out ready, faith, faith tells the nurse do me a favor, no lube on the cube stick. What? Yeah? So that's what she and I thought the nurse was gonna pee on herself. She was laughing so hard.
Speaker 1:And then when he gets back, they're like you gotta drink something. I don't like the cranberry apple juice, it's horrible, I don't want it. You gotta drink something I don't want. Don't be difficult to drink it. No, I'm not gonna drink it.
Speaker 1:So then the next day we can now talk a minute about narcissism in the workplace. So the next day I have to go because this is how we roll. I have to go get a very different I guess you could different type of two-tier procedure done, because they cannot put me in an MRI machine because of my metal and the metal could burn me internally, right. So I'm supposed to go for this whole two-step process, surgical whatever we get there. And they're like go to the information desk, go to registration.
Speaker 1:The hand is one of those buzzy things they give you when you're waiting on a wait list for dinner. You can't eat. So they're like you can't eat after midnight, can't have anything to drink. So I've driven over two hours in traffic. I'm a redhead, I've had no caffeine, I don't care about the food, I'm fine withhead. I've had no caffeine, I don't care about the food, I'm fine with that. I had no caffeine. And now I'm bouncing like a ping pong ball all around. So they're like oh, you need to go to the heart cath lab. What the hell am I going to the heart cath lab for Right? So we go. And this is another perfect example of how you can explain how we advocate. So I go there. We don't have you on our schedule, what I show them on my phone, where I'm scheduled for all this. You need to go back to the information desk, go back to registration, have them re-register you in and we'll see if we can put you on the calendar. Nurse no, the charge nurse.
Speaker 2:Start the conversation.
Speaker 1:Yes. So then we go through this whole process and they finally take me back after we're running around everywhere and we go back. I go back into a bay area because it's like pre-op and post-op and it's all like little areas, and then you have the nurses station wide open in the middle. So they come in like oh, we got to start a line on you. I'm like for what? It was ordered by the charge nurse. We got to start the line. Okay, so don't drink all that.
Speaker 1:He made this awesome coffee and I thought he was going to share some with me and like it went from a solid 16 ounces to like two, so anyway. So they start a line which they weren't successful for at first, and they come in with a scallop, a patch behind my ear for nausea, and they're like we're waiting on pharmacy to bring you up your, your meds. I'm like what am? Why am I taking meds? Well, you were ordered, these were ordered for you. So I'm wondering why we're so behind in scheduling and everything else. And I asked to talk with the charge nurse and the charge nurse comes in and she what adjective do I even want to pick, babe, for this? I don't even know.
Speaker 2:Stuck up, bitch.
Speaker 1:That's an understatement. So she comes in the room rolling, her eyes crossed, her arms, very rude and disrespectful. I never raised my voice, I didn't curse nothing. So I text my husband and child and of course, faith, who is like the instigator, ever says I want to be back there, I want to see this, I don't want to miss it. So then I see how she is talking so nasty to the staff and you can see how the faces of these sweet people is just getting washed out and you can also tell by their mannerisms that it's not a one-time thing. Like she's reacting. These nurses are reacting to the constant belittling that's coming from this whatever charge nurse, if you will.
Speaker 1:So I asked her to come back again and she comes in worse the second time than she was the first and I was like what are we waiting on? And she's like your medication from pharmacy. And I said for what? And she goes you have to take it for nausea. I said why do I have to take it if I'm not getting any medication? I'm doing this, you know, without any sedation. And she's like oh, oh. And then I said Can I just ask you a question? And I am still maintaining my composure. My volume is at the same level. And I said why are you so unhappy? And she looked at me and I was like You're not the patient. We you know I am the person next door to me is we don't know if we are about to get diagnosis that our cancers return. We don't know if we get to get a diagnosis that we need, you know, heart transplant. We don't know. You know, and I don't care how many surgery you have one, five, 10, 500, it's still scary. And you come in there and I I was like am I taking you away from doing something because you look like you do not want to be here? And I said you know what? I want to talk to your boss because I want.
Speaker 1:I'm one of these people that believes in complimenting and praising when it's and I had the best staff. I had two nurses. I had two nurses that were five star and I was like they need to be teaching classes and I want to get them nominated and rewarded and you know they need recognition. And she's like well, you can leave it with me. And I was like yeah, about that? No, so she tells me the name of her boss. And I was like that's not the name I got, and she goes well, how did you get a name? And I said well, I asked my nurse, who I would talk to, to praise them for how amazing that they've been and how they've gone above and beyond. This is not a job to them, this is a calling. And they gave me a different name and so instead she gave me some intern name and I said I would like to talk to her and she was just snotty as all get out, she walks away from me again. And I asked her to come back. Is all get out. She walks away from me again and I asked her to come back, and then I am told that she will be waiting on me when I return for my procedures an hour or whatever later.
Speaker 1:So I'm getting ready to go back and the first thing we do is they are putting a five inch plus needle through my spinal cord and they're doing it with contrast so that they can see from my tailbone all the way up to my neck for placement of a new device. And so once this is done if you can imagine they I'm on the special bed and my head how do you explain this? It's not inverted, but it's like my head is much lower than my feet. So like, while I'm I'm purposely not looking because the way they had me, they had this guy wheeling me down and the only thing I could see is his crotch, what that's. I was backwards, like my head is down and my feet are up, to keep the contrast, you know, in my neck area, and you can't turn your head or whatever, and I'm literally Looking at this guy's crotch. So I just started trying to look at the ceiling which there's nothing exciting about the hospital ceiling and then I get done with everything and I get back in the room and they said oh, you can't move for an hour. You have to lay perfectly still. You can't do anything but stay still.
Speaker 1:So I bring back my family and as I'm wheeling back and I was like please don't let me get anywhere near this and he's the guy's like who. And I looked over, I was like her and she's right beside me and I said where's the boss? Oh, um, what'd she say? Oh, she here. And I was like is she here on campus, is she here on this facility or is she on her way here? She was doing everything she could not to have her come speak to me so as my husband can give information about how I advocate. What happened when the boss came in? How did the advocation take place?
Speaker 2:did the avocation take place? That was very thorough and long-winded there, victoria, thank you. Y'all wake up. What I think you might have put some folks to sleep there? That's rude. No, I'm just being honest. You know how honest I am. It is what it is. I'm non-tactful. As you drink the rest of my coffee, my wife bit that woman's head off, okay get okay go ahead.
Speaker 2:That's an accurate statement there. She bit her head off. The lady was in tears, the charger was in tears prior to leaving, prior to the uh, her boss coming back there. Then, when her boss did come back there and my wife thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly explained again exactly what happened, she brought the charge notice back which apologized to my wife and again was in tears.
Speaker 1:But hold on when you say I bit her head off would you? Give a little more explanation. Did I raise my voice?
Speaker 2:No, she was so disrespectful to her staff right, and obviously it was like she started this conversation narcissistic. She obviously browbeated, bullied, badgered, you know whatever adjective you want to use to her staff.
Speaker 1:But just to clarify, because you're making me sound as if I was just the same to her. No, you're not.
Speaker 2:You're pointing this out to her boss?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You're pointing it out from your perspective to her. Hey, I see what you're doing to your staff.
Speaker 1:Did I raise my voice.
Speaker 2:No, and it may affect me because you have affected them and they may not do their job properly. They may stick the wrong thing in me no pun intended, right, but it it? If you say something bad to someone, it trickles down. You know, if, let's say, as a cop, right, uh, for 13 and a half years, if I had a fight with um the wife, or if something bad happened to me at the home life, I'm gonna take that shit to work with me right. So now I've got all these suspects out there, I may take it out on them. It's not fair to them. I may take it out on somebody I pull over for a tag light out on their vehicle. You know, oh, you got a tag light out on their vehicle. You know, oh, you got a tag light out on your vehicle. You're not wearing your seatbelt Improper lane change your license expired yesterday.
Speaker 2:Right, you didn't have time to go get it. Oh, there's three tickets right there Happy trails, you know, and it's just not fair. So my wife was right to point out to her boss yes, you were right.
Speaker 1:I said it. I mean I don't want the listeners to come across and write to us and be like, oh so she bites their heads off.
Speaker 2:What makes her no different than any other narcissist you pointed it out but I did it with it was very tactful no voice raising no cursing right, you were laying down the entire time.
Speaker 1:Yes, under no sedation there was no security guards called.
Speaker 2:But my wife was very on point about this and I was protecting my nurses. Like we said in the beginning, if you see something, say something, or that shit will continue, I promise you.
Speaker 1:And the whole nursing staff that was on the floor watching.
Speaker 2:They thanked us.
Speaker 1:They were like thank you, thank you. And they were fist popping and high-fiving and they were like somebody needed to do this. Thank you so much. Because they said if this person ever did anything wrong, she blamed it on the person she went after for the day. And so they were always afraid to say something.
Speaker 1:And I wasn't, but it was the delivery of how I did it. You know, for the supervisor to even be like, yeah, you're really good at this, you should do this for a living. And I didn't say anything, but I was adamant that you know, if they're going to be accostized in front of other people, then they need to be apologized to in front of the same people, you know. And I said take them into a different room and have an adult conversation. They're still a human being. You know, if you're the charge nurse, they are representing you and you need to be treating them with respect because and I told them I said let's just say I was a heart patient and you just chewed out my nurse and she is a human being and she's in her mind thinking why did I just get? Screamed or yelled at like that? And then literally comes in there and for that 30 seconds that she's being a human, it I go into cardiac arrest or whatever it could be, you know, and people could say that's so way out there. No, I'm in a post-op room from in the heart part. You know that it could be catastrophic at that point.
Speaker 1:So when I'm getting ready to wheel out, everybody was like I want to take her, I want to take her, I want to take her. And I had my tech take me, who was fabulous, and he and I were coming around the corner and there is the charge nurse chewing out my nurse again. And so I looked and I was like what? And I said you know, the chargers didn't look at me again, say I'm sorry, hope you feel better, kiss my Royal, but not a word. And I put my arm out to her and I was like this isn't over by a long shot. And I made sure that the supervisor knew I said this came to me by no one. No one asked me to come talk to you.
Speaker 1:This is out of my own fruition because it is our care that is the number one priority and this hospital's image is already getting tanked and if you want, I'll flush it because I'm not playing around. These people go above and beyond. I know how medical staff works and these are probably, if not the best nurses. And I said you know it takes two minutes to compliment someone on a job well done and then they realize I am doing what I'm meant to be doing. But to belittle them into the level that was anyway in front of other people is absolutely not acceptable.
Speaker 1:And she's around the corner doing it again and I told her so this isn't over. I promise you it's not done and I mean that's just a horrible. Nobody wants to go into work that way and know that you're gonna have to deal with this. And I made and I told the chart the supervisor. I said I want to have reassurance that none of my attention staff, attentive staff rather, excuse me, we're gonna get any backlash from this because they didn't do anything and I want to know that. So she gave me her words that she'll follow up with me. I know she will not, I'm sure of it. Um, I'm not done because I have the hospital administration's number and I will go to them because this is not, you know, and I did I.
Speaker 1:The only thing I think I said that was a little but not unfair is, I told them. I said, if this was my child in this bed, we'd be in a different ball game, right? And the thing is, is that? Take a minute and imagine that's you in that bed? Right? How would you want to be treated? Right? And it's just mind-blowing how some people are just like watching the clock. Can I go home yet? Can I go eat yet? I don't want to be here right now. Think of how we are laying in that, in that bed with the unknown. The unknown is a mother trucker. See, that's my new word mother trucker. Because you're not taking into consideration what we may or may not be facing. And, as my sister from another mister says that, and the whole time is going on, faith is texting, texting aunt Dana saying this is what's happening, and Aunt Dana and her are just having the best time, back and forth, back and forth. And Aunt Dana told Faith to call her a twat waffle and so, yes, and she's yeah, so it's yeah.
Speaker 2:New word in her vocabulary.
Speaker 1:Because she needs a few new ones. So it's yeah, because she needs a few new ones. So at the end of the day it doesn't seem like we can get away from narcissism Anywhere we go work home, you know, extended family, and that is why I am so grateful, my husband said the other day. I am so unbelievably grateful for my wife and my daughter because in our Small little family, here in our home, there is no drama, there's no bullshit, there is no, you know, he said. She said if there's a problem we sit down and like work it out, talk it out. But this is a drama free zone, you know, and it's just sad because you can look at somebody walk by and you can see this was something that they endured on a daily basis and that's not OK.
Speaker 2:So, as I close this out, if you're in the medical staff who took care of me click on our website.
Speaker 2:Click on our website, contact us, shoot us an email and come on our show and give us some examples of what we just talked about and maybe the outcome pros and cons, if you agree or disagree. We'd like to hear from you. If you'd like to come on our show, click on, contact us and shoot us an email and we'll see about getting you in here as soon as possible. The wife is pretty booked up and she keeps taking on more jobs and cases. All that, not to mention all the dang courses she's writing. I swear she writes a course a day for our podcast powerhouse and our stucco squad. That is new um and it's. There's a lot, lot, a lot coming out with that and, uh, we'll be doing a lot in May?
Speaker 1:And how about the Safe Haven Phoenix Center? Talk about that for a second.
Speaker 2:You talk about that.
Speaker 1:No, the Safe Haven Phoenix Center is the part of the academy that is for survivors of abuse, and it is a place where you can start to rebuild yourself and your journey. Stucco is saying hi to everybody, being just as sweet as he can be. Such a good boy, he's a sleepy boy.
Speaker 2:So I'll let the dogs out, I'll let y'all go and thank you for listening to Unstoppable, with the sexy Victoria and Michael and Stucco sitting here helping us out.
Speaker 1:The redneck and the redneck.
Speaker 2:Be sure to pick up her book on Amazon called who Kicked First? If you type in Victoria Curie anywhere, she's everywhere y'all.
Speaker 1:And Nart, nart, who's there?
Speaker 2:Nart, nart, who's there? That's the prequel to her first book, so type in Victoria Curie, that's C-U-O-R-E. Okay, bye y'all.
