A Contagious Smile Podcast
A Contagious Smile is a powerful platform dedicated to uplifting and empowering special needs families and survivors of domestic violence. Through heartfelt stories, we shine a light on the journeys of extraordinary individuals who have overcome unimaginable challenges. Their triumphs serve as a testament to resilience and strength, inspiring others to rediscover their own inner light. Each episode features candid interviews with survivors, advocates, and experts who provide valuable resources and insights to support those on their own paths to healing and empowerment. Join us as we celebrate the power of resilience, the beauty of shared stories, and the unstoppable spirit of those who turn adversity into hope. Let us guide you in rekindling your spirit, because every smile tells a story of courage and transformation.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
Dear Silence: When Survivors Finally Speak TRIGGER WARNING
What happens when survivors of domestic violence finally break their silence? In this raw, powerful episode, we unveil "Dear Silence," our groundbreaking international book project launching this October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This collection will feature letters from survivors who've endured the unimaginable—giving voice to those who were told to stay quiet for far too long.
Behind every "why didn't you just leave?" lies a complex reality that most people fail to understand. We dismantle this harmful question by exploring the impossible choices victims face, particularly mothers who endure abuse to shield their children from harm. When the system fails to recognize the escalating patterns of domestic violence, victims often sacrifice their own safety to protect those they love most.
Victoria shares her own harrowing journey, revealing the permanent physical consequences of her abuse—titanium jaw replacements, near-total hearing loss, and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome requiring spinal implants. These ongoing medical challenges demonstrate how domestic violence creates trauma that survivors must manage decades after escaping their abusers.
Some of the most heartbreaking submissions to "Dear Silence" come from children who witnessed abuse. One child wrote about always sleeping on the edge of the bed so their mother would have somewhere safe to retreat during nighttime violence—a devastating reminder that children see and understand far more than we realize.
We also discuss our Academy, featuring over 120 affordable courses designed to support healing. Victoria's newly launched course on Complex Regional Pain Syndrome offers unique insights from someone living with this challenging condition, continuing our mission to make healing accessible to everyone regardless of financial circumstances.
Join our movement by submitting your story to phoenix@acontagioussmile.com. Whether you're a survivor, witnessed abuse, or lost someone to domestic violence, your voice matters. Together, we're breaking the silence that protects abusers and building a community where survivors are heard, believed, and supported.
oh, is that who that is? How do y'all welcome to another episode of contagious smile? Take two, take two, yes, because I I utterly foobarred and blundered the first one. You foobarred, foobarred. I don't need to explain them. Youngins don't know what foobar means, probably. No, um, but yes, us old folks, we do. Uh, this is unstoppable. Here at a contagious smile, we got our lovely and sexy and just straight out of the bath with a wet hair. Okay, guys, easy. Victoria Curie. Author and publisher of 41 books, winner of multiple awards here recently. Yay.
Speaker 2:The newest one we haven't even talked about yet.
Speaker 1:Don't we have a sound board here somewhere? No, okay. So Business Life is a magazine that I understand is in every airplane here in the US. So if you all are traveling and you're listening to our podcast or you're about to travel, pick up the latest edition or issue of business life on board the mag on board the aircraft or there at the newsstand where they sell all the junk. You know, I don't know what, you know, I haven't been inside an airport in a while, but uh, yeah, y'all check her out, check, check it out. And you know, keep following and keep sharing, because y'all make all this happen. Every time we my wife gets an award or an accomplishment, it's because of y'all, because y'all are listening and y'all are submitting ideas and you're nominating us and y'all are passing the word on. Uh, you see something, you, you see something, you say something and I think I'm done, blundered.
Speaker 2:So here's the wife hi, I haven't even said hello yet. There's my soulmate over there. You have not. You didn't disclose about the latest award, what it was well, I'm lost the lifetime.
Speaker 1:Lifetime Humanitarian. Oh my God, it's such a long name. Where is it? It's like 15 letters long. I'm going to shut up now.
Speaker 2:Lifetime Humanitarian for transformative advocacy for domestic violence and special needs advocacy support.
Speaker 1:What a mouthful, see. No wonder I blundered it.
Speaker 2:Very humbled, very, very, very humbled for that. But we couldn't do it without you guys. We wanted to tell you guys a little trigger warning ahead of time. Here we are doing massive, massive this october for domestic violence awareness. One of the things that we are doing if you haven't seen it anywhere yet is we're going to launch an international book called dear silence. You lost.
Speaker 2:This time we get the last word, and I have been putting things out there and I have gotten so so many people writing in. It's going to be several parts to this book. It's going to be letters, it's going to be dedications. It's going to be in memory of for the people who didn't survive domestic violence. It's going to be in memory of for the people who didn't survive domestic violence. It's going to be things that you wanted to say and never did say. It is just, it is going to be amazing. I mean, because we're told to be quiet, we're told to be silent and no, we're not going to be silent anymore, and you know I'm not walking on eggshells anymore and neither should you, so we're going to do this together.
Speaker 2:Some of it, even after doing this for close to 20 years, is really hard. I had somebody write in and I'm not going to tell the submission, but my husband read it as well and it has to do with the loss of a daughter and it is heart-wrenching. It is absolutely heart-wrenching and I have reached out to this very brave woman and offered any and everything I possibly can to help her through this, but she lost her daughter to domestic violence while she herself was going through it and the daughter was not of grown age, the daughter was a young girl, and there are several to this that really, really make it even more emotional, if you will. Um, what did you think of it without giving it away?
Speaker 2:I cried there was no pollen, it was flat tears yeah, I cried. It's just immensely unimaginable the the shit that some of these twisted bastards could come up with and do to people but it's not unimaginable to those of us who've endured it well, that's why we're doing this we're doing this because so many people hear about it, but they don't live it.
Speaker 2:They don't know what it's like to be in our shoes. They don't know what it's like to to be silenced because of a coward, you know, and we are threatened. Not for the reason of why aren't we, you know, leaving. It's because we're trying to ensure the safety of our child or our children, or, you know, we don't have the financial means to get out. There is a lot more to it and people are just so quick these days to automatically put that on someone. Well, you should have left. Why didn't you just do what they wanted? Who the hell are they to make them be any bit better than anyone else? And you know what? Here's the thing. If you know what's going on, help them. Don't critique them. Don't criticize them. We don't need any additional negativity in our life at this point. We need someone that's going to say I'm here, how can I help? Or just sit with us and shut the hell up right. Just sit there and let us feel like you know what. We're not alone. We are not alone because we have to put on this strong, fierce, and it's hard to go in and survive in this situation where a lot of times the moms, we endure it to protect our kids so that our kids don't get it.
Speaker 2:Because, let's look at it that way, I can't tell you how many cases I have either been a party to or helped prepare when the woman was going through the TPO process, where they tell the judge your honor, he put me in the hospital, he beat me into the hospital and they said well, he didn't hit the kids, it's coming. It is a matter of time before it escalates even further to children and pets, because it happens, that's what happens, and even you know detest you can detest that from being an officer that that does happen. And the judge is like, well, it hasn't happened yet, it's still the father. We're gonna have to disclose my hearing thing again. Um, it's still the father to the kids. You know what? That's still the spouse. And you're turning around and saying, well, he hasn't done it yet. Well, I can tell you from experience. You know, if that son of a bitch hits our kid as hard as he hits me, he's gonna kill our kid.
Speaker 2:So a lot of times women know that maybe if I just stay here, he'll never get to that level and hit our kids, because that friday is gonna come where he is going to pick up the kids and have them alone. And then what you want to talk about being helpless, then then what do you do? All right, I mean, and that goes back to the you know the system failing us, and that's a whole different ball of wax. Don't even get me started on that, because it's just no. I'm gonna let you say something and then we'll go into the whole like sorry, I have a speech issue now, but go ahead so let me, let me back up here y'all.
Speaker 1:My wife is losing her hearing. She's almost almost 100 to abuse.
Speaker 2:Let's make sure we reiterate that that I lost it to abuse almost 100 deaf.
Speaker 1:In her right ear I think she's got like 1% left to go and then she's very close to 80, 85?, 88-ish Percent in her left ear. So it throws off her words. So she said the word earlier. As a police officer I can detest that. She meant to say a test.
Speaker 2:Sorry, that's what I thought I said right.
Speaker 1:So you know, y'all had to, you know bear with me give her a little leeway here, y'all. She's um, she's a strong ass, redhead, fiery woman, and y'all heard her at the beginning, um, how quiet she was and calming. And then here comes a redhead.
Speaker 2:You know okay, let's back up just a little bit. You know I was that person I hate the word victim that if the food was on the table one minute late, my face would get cracked open. If I didn't get there in time or I didn't call it my required stops, then the wrath would come on and people say why don't you just make him happy? And I've said this till I'm like out of air is that you could do everything you're supposed to, but anybody pisses in his cornflakes and guess what? He's still going to come back and take it out on you and that's the thing. And um, for those of you who might not know, both of my jaws were completely destroyed and after multiple smaller surgeries that failed, I ended up having to get like 26 pieces of metal in my face. It's very not cool. Um, I'm like the bionic woman, literally, and both of my jaws are titanium and every three months I have to go and get injections in them.
Speaker 1:That's crazy.
Speaker 2:To try to make the life of them last longer. Because this surgery was was brutal. It really was and, as my husband can tell you, I went through the surgery, came home the same day and took care of Faith and never took the first pain med. Never have, and I'm not going to start. But every time I would get hit it damaged my eardrums, but the really big, not that one is smaller than the other, but both my eardrums were ruptured so bad that they've actually rebuilt the right one, completely rebuilt it, and that one is shredded. They said it actually looks like swiss cheese that my husband's not ruined for me with the whole steamboat willie thing, but that's on way out in the left field that is left field um, anyway.
Speaker 2:So the hearing has been gradually getting worse and worse over time and I've had hearing aids and for a while they were a lifesaver they really were and then it started where I couldn't wear them because it like was messing up my equilibrium and all this other stuff, and it was because this one was getting worse. And so now they want to do cochlear implants, which are are $300,000 a piece and our insurance doesn't cover it. And what's really unfair is that it's almost two decades later and I'm still doing surgeries for what I went through that long ago. And that's why, you know, I'm very adamant with a, you know, silent. No more, because enough is enough.
Speaker 1:Right, and, as I said earlier, I kind of blundered it If you see something, say something. And that goes along with if you hear something, say something. So dinner tonight. My wife tells me of a story that she heard of a mother I believe it was an 18 year old mother disfigured her child and then lit the child on fire. Yes, Now, during this time it was reported that neighbors heard the child screaming for three hours.
Speaker 2:This was in a mobile park, an older mobile park. So like I know that they say the manufactured homes now have better insulation, but these were much older ones so they were thinner or whatever they could hear, but they were used to all the screaming is going on in there and they just thought it was another fight but three hours you know, as an officer, how long don't knock on the door if you know that you're.
Speaker 1:So you're one, you're not a neighbor. If you don't go, say something, okay. I remember when my wife and I moved into our our home, which is now our house. Right, well, it was a home then. We were just moving in, so now it's our house that's being our home. Now who's going? Anyway, it was like the first day or first couple days that we moved into our home. Our neighbor was over there fighting with you.
Speaker 1:Know her, her spouse, significant other or whatever and I went over there I mean it got so bad, so loud. I went over there and I confronted him and I looked at her and she had a big red handprint on the left side of her cheek and I told that man. I said you need to get out of here now. You need to leave and let this deescalate, because I'm going to call the cops. And that's what I did.
Speaker 2:And they didn't do anything.
Speaker 1:We had the cops come over here. I took pictures of the lady with the handprint, because by the time they got there it was almost gone. The officers documented everything. Did he go to jail? Nope, no, they didn't do a crime thing.
Speaker 2:They acted like we were bothering them to come out, and they actually told us that that wasn't their first time being at that location.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And they never did anything.
Speaker 1:But shortly after that they separated and she moved out after he left.
Speaker 2:She left the state. Actually Good for her.
Speaker 1:But you see something, say something, okay it. You know it's so frustrating.
Speaker 2:But what do you do when the officers don't do their due diligence?
Speaker 1:Well, that's on them, right. But then you know you I was a police officer. I got out there, I did what I could to help the so-called victim.
Speaker 2:But then they don't do anything, but it escalates the abuser, it pisses them off. You know, it really does. You make them leave for a cool-down period. A lot of times they don't. They come back.
Speaker 1:Or they're in jail.
Speaker 2:Or they're in jail and then they come back.
Speaker 1:Well, like we've discussed a lot of survivors victims at the time survivors don't know how to get out. They don't know how to make an escape plan. They're afraid to, they're afraid.
Speaker 2:Retaliation.
Speaker 1:Retaliation.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know, a lot of people don't talk about this, but so many beautiful souls that I've had the privilege of working with and getting to know say they threaten their dog, they threaten their cat, they threaten their know say they threaten their dog, they threaten their cat, they threaten their children, they threaten their family. You know, if it's just the two of them living together, you leave me. I'm gonna go kill your best friend, I'm gonna go kill your mom, I'm gonna go kill. And then you know they tell somebody well, it wasn't a terroristic threat because there wasn't another witness and it's a. He said. She said and it could have been in the heat of the moment. And you know it's like then if there's an altercation and he is hitting her and she defends herself and she has marks on her person and he has marks on his person. Now, a lot of times the person that was initially getting hurt gets incarcerated, and that's especially if they're the good old boys and that's their, you know, bud.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we define it as an affray where we cannot, as officers could not, determine who was at fault. You know, given the totality of circumstance, you have defensive wounds on both you know, or you have marks on both you know, or you have marks on both you know. And he said, she said so, yeah, sometimes both of them went to jail.
Speaker 2:Right, but also going into the scene. I mean, yes, it's the most dangerous call for an officer to to go on, but a lot of times in in fairness, and I think that you know officers are required to do more in-service training every year, as well as going to the range and requalifying and blah, blah, blah. I think they need to do more training for domestic violence and they need to do special needs. Because here's the thing If an officer arrives on scene, you know, normally they get a backup unit, then they separate the parties and they get the one side story and then they go talk and whatever. But here's the thing if you go in and you see a disheveled woman who is like showing every single sign, you know she won't look at you, she's looking at the ground, she's scared, she's, like you know, very timid, and you have this other one who's full of aggression and anger. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to say who really is the aggressor here. I mean, come on, but officers, it's like, oh, you know, knock it off, you two Go to bed or you know whatever. And that's not how. That's just why so many people are so afraid to do anything about it and that's why women or victims I hate that word keep going back because they feel they have nowhere to go.
Speaker 2:I mean, look at it from a law enforcement point of view. If the person is married to someone who's in law enforcement and it's their area, or they're just you know one jurisdiction away, or whatever the case may be, and the guy's like, hey, you know, I'm on the job, whatever. And says I'm one of you guys, I'm on the job, whatever. And says I'm one of you guys, I'm what, you know whatever, and can show that it's not impersonation. But they are indeed officers or sheriff's, deputies, whatever they want to be. They get, you know a pass and it's not okay. It's absolutely not okay, you know. I mean, what about the children of law enforcement officers or high ranking law enforcement officers, right? I mean it's literally like I'll bring him in the office first thing in the morning and I'll have a talk with him, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:But what about the person who's going through this? What about the? You know, people are not. People are are so big about like cancer awareness and walking. You know the Susan B Combs and walking for breast cancer awareness and things like that, and more power to them. I'm so glad for that. But you know what and I'm not taking away from cancer for a minute, because cancer is a bitch, right, but a lot of times, and I pray that anyone who goes through cancer goes into remission, right, but there is no remission for a domestic violence survivor, unless it's freedom, unless it's to escape. That's their remission. The remission of domestic violence is to get out, but then when you get out it's not really over at that point. Then you have the litigation, then you have, you know, to go through all the ins and outs.
Speaker 1:Well, you have surgeries like you do.
Speaker 2:Of housing and you know. Then you have all of this other that you have to constantly go through. I mean I have. I mean I stopped counting at 100. But let's be realistic. How many surgeries would you really think I've had?
Speaker 1:Anywhere in the neighborhood of one 20, possibly one 30.
Speaker 2:I agree with that.
Speaker 1:And yeah, it's all documented folks.
Speaker 2:Every bit of it is. I mean, you don't have surgery for something that's not broken. I'm not talking about cosmetic. I've had I've had one, even though I'd like one. I've never had a single cosmetic procedure. Really would like one, just saying, but it's because you're still hot, whatever the thing is, is literally all of these surgeries all this time later and I do admit that some of them were. The injuries were exacerbated by the fact that I waited so long because we were working on getting faith better excellent reason right.
Speaker 2:But the son of a bitch got away with it and it wasn't just this time or any other time, I mean, I'm not the first that he did this to and so he gets to walk around and collect full benefits. And what did I get? The big screw you like? That's it right and it's it's so wrong. Why did they get to get away with it and claim, oh, I have ptsd or whatever the case may be, and they haven't had to endure what we go through. But you know what? They're cowardly piece of shit, an absolute cowardly piece of shit. You know what? I'm gonna let you talk for a minute because I'm getting like round wound, see wound up, and that's why my wife come up with this brilliant, brilliant concept of dear silence.
Speaker 1:it is just, it's truly amazing, uh, to watch her come up with all this. She has our Academy up and running. It's live. We have had a flood of new members join our Academy. Guys, if you're listening to this podcast, man, there must have been what 20, 30 guys today alone that joined. I'm so, just today alone.
Speaker 2:And I just want to tell them I'm super proud of.
Speaker 1:That is awesome. Uh, I have contributed to dear silence. Uh, to give a little excerpt of what I went through, um, and I encourage you, gentlemen, you men out there, um, man up, put it down on paper it makes you more of a man I put my name to it because I you know.
Speaker 1:I want to let y'all know, hey, I I'm right there with you. I may not have gone through exactly what you have gone through or are currently going through, but hey, I can sympathize, okay, and there's others out there, men and women, going through the same thing. So I encourage y'all write to us. How do they contact us? For the Dear Silence.
Speaker 2:Oh, phoenix at a contagious smile dot com.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's email. It just comes right to us. Common spelling in Phoenix yes, the thing is, think about it. You know it's one in four women go through this, and so, god forbid, it's your daughter or your mother or your sister or your wife, right, wouldn't you want somebody to help? Them, if it's our daughter oh, y'all might as well get a go fund me set up for bail. That's all I gotta say.
Speaker 1:Y'all might as well get me some bail money set up, because that's all I got to say just call 8-1-1, y'all 8-1-1 right, that's the folks who you call when you go to dig a hole seriously, you know, that's like me saying I don't leave fingerprints because you don't have but one set right seriously seriously man, somebody, and that's what I don't understand, that that is a whole other ball of wax.
Speaker 2:Like I don't understand how a parent not all parents how a parent could know that their child, and in this case let's say a daughter, is enduring such trauma and not only doesn't care but actually put the son of a bitch in your life, like how do you go to sleep at night? How do you, how do you go to sleep and close your eyes knowing that while you're in your mansion and whatever, that DNA pending, your biological child is literally getting the shit beat out of her, pregnant, with your grandchild like, literally on the floor bleeding out of places that blood shouldn't come out of a human body, and you have your 19 cars and your whatever. And it's not even about the materialistic thing, it really isn't like anyone knows me knows it's not about materialistic things, but you have not an ounce of remorse, or I would work three, four, five jobs, I'd work overnight flipping burgers, whatever I had to do. If it meant getting our child out of that kind of situation and into a safe place, I mean it. It wouldn't even have to be a slap if some dumb moron rose raised their hand to her.
Speaker 2:First of all, I already know what she's gonna do. I mean, she's gonna use them as a human mob, right, but and then I find out about first I'm gonna get there before you, okay, and then that's going to be the end of it. But I don't understand how parents can be okay with it. Like how can you possibly know that that's going on and and have no, no, nothing about?
Speaker 1:it. I don't, I can't understand that. I can't fathom it, because my wires aren't crossed like that. Nope, my wife's just looking at me. I mean it's it just it's mind boggling Right.
Speaker 2:Right, like I. Just I, I will never understand how that can be. I just don't. You know, it's mind boggling to me how I don't care. You know that we are adults, but we're still somebody's child. And to say you should have left or whatever. You knew it was going on and you didn't even try to help. And maybe it's because you put them there and you didn't want that person to find out. You know, but it's going to come out eventually. Right, it's going to come out eventually. It's literally like some of the stupidest things ever.
Speaker 2:Let's go and give one example. I'll put myself in the line here. I was choked and suffocated to the point that the vessels, the blood vessels in my eyes, ruptured. At that point you have 60 seconds plus before you're dead. Right, I'm pregnant and the marks of this asshole's hands were very clearly seen on my neck Right. You've seen the pictures Very clear. I took them to authorities and I was accused of choking out myself. Now, if you're listening to this, I want you to imagine that if you even trying to put your hands around your throat, you can't put your hands around me. And try to explain this for me. You can't put your hands around your throat in the manner the photos were in. The photos were where the thumbs are center of your throat, like where your Adam's apple would be if you're a man with the palm and the four fingers around the sides of the neck on either side, and then the thumbs were clear as day, right in the middle where the Adam's apple would be right. So even if you try that on yourself, you can't.
Speaker 1:Your fingers would be overcrossed.
Speaker 2:You cannot do it.
Speaker 1:You're kind of making like the butterfly, the butterfly or the dove, you know, shadow puppet.
Speaker 2:Right, but you can't do that. And you see the placement of the bruising on the side of the neck, where the fingers are.
Speaker 1:I don't have that type of leverage, leverage, yeah, leverage, leverage. I like leverage. Okay, but I like leverage Okay.
Speaker 2:But you can't. There's no way, and the indication of bruises on my neck clearly show, by finger size, that you know. You got the index first and the pinky last.
Speaker 1:And you've got little dainty fingers.
Speaker 2:And the point is is that how? So? I literally had them even. The bruises were so apparent on me that the doctors measured the bruising on my neck and, like, indicated on the medical records that it was a man's hand, right. This monster wouldn't even let me go pee with the door shut, he took the door off the hinges. So how is it possible, right? And then the bruising was very apparent on the neck and and when he would hit me he'd have bruises on his knuckles. He would have open wounds on his knuckles from hitting me so hard or stabbing me and getting blood on him or taking the knife out and he grazed his fingers with it, whatever the case may be. And he had an excuse for everything and everybody overlooked all of it for him and he told everybody oh, she's just clumsy. She's clumsy because she's pregnant.
Speaker 1:So how many times do y'all think that she had to shut up?
Speaker 2:It was constant.
Speaker 1:Constant. So do y'all see the need for this dear silence? My wife's going to, you know, collect, compile all of this together and she's going to turn it into a book for the world to read, and it's going to be absolutely amazing to have hundreds, if not thousands, of voices in this one book, and it's going to be a tearjerker, for sure.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:But it's going to be such healing for them to know that they got it out there in the open. You know, and and the others will read this, you know, maybe somebody will stop that next one, maybe somebody will say something.
Speaker 2:Right, Maybe you read it and think you know what. I've always wondered what's going on in my sister's house with that man she's with, but I've never asked it's not made up, it's not fictitious right, but that's the thing is, is that people automatically look at the, the survivor, as what did you do to make him mad? Right? Did you do to you know?
Speaker 1:why did you stay?
Speaker 2:man or whatever. But there's so many reasons to we don't want to stay. I promise you that we don't want to. We don't want to stay. I promise you that we don't want to stay, we don't want to be there.
Speaker 2:But you know, when I went after termination of rights, I went against an all male panel, right, cause you have a guardian of light on, you have the magistrate, you have superior court judge, you have like a whole plethora of stuff and it's a process, right. And I was asked what would I do if I was denied the termination of rights? And I will openly admit what I said. I said, your Honor, I'm going to go home with my ex. And he said You're going to do what? And I said I'm going to go home because she can't defend herself and it is my responsibility as her mother to do that. My daughter has a tracheostomy. She's inaudible, she can't yell for help. She's too little, she's a preemie, she can't ask for help. You know she already looked him in the face while he tried to kill her and put his hand over her trach until she coded, staring up at him, begging him to leave her alone. How do you do that? How do you do that, especially to faith, to anyone. But you know, to stand there and look in the eyes of her and to do that. And I told the judge. I said I'm going back because I have every right to defend my child and the first time he puts hands on her will be the last. I won't hit first, I won't go after wherever he is, but I will defend my daughter and myself. We have the right to defend ourself and I will do just that.
Speaker 2:And the rights were terminated but that was like the one gift. But you best believe, I fought tooth and nail to get it done. I absolutely fought tooth and nail to get it done and I think a lot of moms feel like that's what they have to do and that's another reason they stay. You know, I used to have nightmares in the hospital when I stayed with her. What if I don't get these rights terminated? And then he got her for a weekend and she's screaming but she can't be heard and he does something to her and he hurts her and there's nothing I can do. And those nightmares woke me up in just cold sweats and I knew there was no way these rights were going to get terminated If I had to appeal it if I had to go back over there.
Speaker 2:Until then, whatever the case may be, was just, I mean, you know, yes, faith and I have a very, very strong, unconditional bond to each other, but I, I can't understand how a human being, yellow alone, a parent, could ever lay hands on a child. Oh, he's a piece of shit. Two pugs and a push doesn't make you a dad, it makes you a sperm donor, and that's not even possible. Like you're shooting blanks out of a tootsie roll, that's all I'm saying, anyway many of those times, as often is probably with abusers.
Speaker 1:It's not consensual.
Speaker 2:No, it absolutely wasn't. I mean, you know, I'm going to trigger warn it and say something that, unless you've read the book, you won't know, because I have never shared this. But it's a trigger warning, so I'll give you guys all the necessary time I had to prepare.
Speaker 1:You're referring to your book who Kicked First? Yeah, but you know no.
Speaker 2:Who Kicked First, yeah, but you know, no, it wasn't consensual. And he tried to cut her out of me. He tried to give me an abortion and the blood that was all over that bed there were stabbings and beatings and whelps and belt buckles, and you name it. I even had a pencil shoved into my hip and the lead broken off, and I mean you just name it. He tried to cut her out from the inside and I have the nastiest scar in my groin because of it and I kept moving and moving and moving. Um, you know I've had to have a full hysterectomy because of all of the damage and you know my husband can confirm this.
Speaker 1:But um easy greasy what easy, greasy.
Speaker 2:Um, when I went, I told her, I told the doctor, who was amazing. She was just amazing that while she was in there, if she could take out all the scar tissue because you know scientifically, your body flushes off every seven years all yourselves. You recreate your skin and all that and I'm like, yeah, all that's gone. Yay, I don't want any part of him on me, right? So just the the psychological knowing that that's all gone. And I thought maybe that would be a big healing tool for me. And she said, absolutely, I'm going to go in there and we'll get it all out, right. And when I went back from my pre-op, she just walked up and hugged me. She said can I hug you? And I was like, okay, and she's a tiny little thing. And she walked up and hugged me and she goes I had to stop your surgery and tell everybody to take a minute Because and again, I'm not a tribey, as non-graphic as possible, I'm not a tribey, as non-graphic as possible. She said when I got in there there was so much damage that I knew that it was more than just man parts that were put inside you. And I said yes. And she said you warned me that there was scarring, but you did not prepare me for what I saw and until I got in there, it's different than just your female exam every year, right? And she was like, when I got in there and I saw what I did, I had to take a break for a minute because I had to have my assistant wipe my eyes, because you're like the sweetest woman. You come in and ask how my family is all the time, you ask how my kid is all the time. We talk and and, and you come in here with cookies and you're I mean you. Just it hurts me. And when I saw this, I had to take a break and have my staff literally wipe my eyes while I'm in there Cause I'm sterile. Um, and I'm in there working on you and I had to take a step back and take a time out for a minute. And she was like I don't, oh, stucco, it's because mommy's upset, um, but she, she said I, I don't understand from a medical point of view, how sorry. Um, she said that she didn't understand from a medical point of view, how sorry. She said that she didn't understand, from a medical point of view, from all the scars that she removed, how I ever even survived, let alone managed to like be a sane person. And I said well, you met my daughter and you've met my husband, so now you know why. Said well, you met my daughter and you've met my husband, so now you know why.
Speaker 2:But to know that somebody feels that they can have such power over you is not okay, it's not and we have to do something to stop it. I mean, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that our daughter never has to be one of those one in four, and everybody listening should feel the same way. I mean, elderly abuse is on the rise and if they're in a home, so often they are sexually assaulted and abused. It doesn't have to be domestic violence, it's still sexual assault, it's still abuse. Abuse is abuse and it should not be tolerated. Like nobody tolerates it. Let me clear that nobody tolerates it. But the fact that nothing is being done in regards to making our laws tougher, making our abusers more accountable, like just holding them accountable for what they do, you know. I mean, it's just, things need to change.
Speaker 1:And I'm glad you have started this, dear Silence, because it has been truly eye-opening to read a few of them. And, like I said y'all, I've only read a few of them and, like I said y'all, I've only read a few and it brought me to tears. Uh, some of the the things that y'all have been through and, believe me, we keep everything confidential uh, most of them, if not all of them, have been, no names, anonymous and the location has not been disclosed or they'll say something sign the person who you no longer silenced.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Or you know the person who's writing to their mom or something like that, like they don't have to put Jane or Joe or you know, whatever, they're ending it with something else.
Speaker 1:And give us that email again.
Speaker 2:Phoenix at a contagious smilecom. But you also need to go check out the Academy, because now we I know we have like 120 courses if not more, and my husband comes home and laughs and he's like, which course did you write today? Like today I actually did a CRPS course, complex, complex regional pain syndrome you finished it I did.
Speaker 2:Um, it's a lot longer than most courses I've written. This one is 22 lessons. Um, because crps is one of the hardest diseases to. It's brutal, it's awful. I got diagnosed with it and, like people try to explain what it is and how it feels and so often we are pushed away like it's just pain from a surgery or an injury or anything like that. It's so hard to diagnose. I've had a TENS unit from it. I've had multiple TENS units actually I think three and then two temporary ones that came out on their own like the day after, and now I've had two spinal surgeries, with the final one being a permanent implant which sucks.
Speaker 2:My husband told me last night while he was charging me that you know it's hot for him to touch it and it sucks. It really does. I mean I feel like I have been shelled out. I'm not so much a woman anymore because, like, everything has been taken out and I have all these mechanical parts and it sucks. But I am not going to let that piece of crap win Never will. No matter how bad some of the days are because, like I do feel the weather and it's brutal, there are some days that it's just awful and it's more awful than others. But I will not sit down and step back. It's just not who I am or what I'm gonna do. And so the CRPS course is live now and it's written by me, someone who has gone through it and understands it and endures it on a daily basis. So that's done.
Speaker 2:But there is something out there for everyone, and the course there's so many fun things. I have a way of bringing humor into the weirdest places, right, and you have to laugh or you're just going to be totally depressed and miserable, and so, like, there's a course in there called yes, my bluetooth is, my butt has bluetooth. My butt has bluetooth because my device is right above my butt and I have to charge it. So I kid around, say that you know I'm wireless and that I should be getting free HBO, but there's all these different things in there that have to make you laugh.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I'm going deaf and and I used to sign I had a master's in sign. Well, guess what, I lost my hand, right. So, yes, you can still kind of sign one-handed, but it's a little more challenging. But the thing is is now I joke about it that if I don't want to hear what somebody's saying, I'll just face them on my right side and I don't hear anything. So there's always a silver lining to all those dark clouds. You just have to find it right. Like you know, when your husband is like, oh I'd rather play video games than whatever.
Speaker 2:And then why are you facing me that way? You, oh, I'd rather play video games than whatever. And then why are you facing me that way? You know, it's because you hear nothing. It's you know.
Speaker 1:I love you honey, did you call me honey?
Speaker 2:I did. So, but I said I love you.
Speaker 1:Y'all have heard a little bit of what my wife went through. Okay, she's up here in pain. All the time she lost her arm. She's going deaf. Um, and she's up here writing courses, I believe. I believe it took her two days maybe to write that 22 lesson course, maybe three. Uh, I did it in four and a half hours. Okay, I'm sorry, I was dead wrong.
Speaker 1:That's what you get for not telling me back that you love me when I said I love you twice and you said nothing me back that you love me when I said I love you twice and you said nothing. I love you too, babe. Uh, she's up here doing all this. She's still fighting, okay, and she's also fighting for y'all by putting together these courses, these master classes, these escape plans. Uh, you know everything she's doing. She's getting the word out there through these podcasts. Y'all can do something for yourself, for someone else. Get on there, support A Contagious Smile, share it with somebody. Okay, if you know someone who is going through abuse and you know that that abuser is looking at their phone, their computer, you know that that abuser is looking at their phone, their computer, their computer. Bring them over your house, let them use yours, okay, right, absolutely that's pretty safe.
Speaker 2:Buy him a burner phone there you go let him keep it in the car but always give him an extra charger, because my idiot actually took my phone and my charger so I had a backup one hidden in the vehicle with a backup charger so support a contagious smile, support dear silence.
Speaker 1:Write an email, okay, if you're going through this, let us hear your voice because it's not to be silenced that's right, of course. We always uh you know have our, our donation up there. You know, everything that we do, we're funded ourselves.
Speaker 2:We don't take a paycheck, which is not the easiest thing, let me tell you, because we have, as long as faith is taken care of. We have sacrificed so much but we do it for everyone else and we I haven't taken a paycheck. I went from a six-figure job to not even six cents because I have never taken a paycheck for anything. All funds that are donated go right back in because there are monthly fees for the platforms to which we do everything on and you know, you think about the fact that I'm sitting in here 18 hours a day and I'm running everything the way that we're running and we need the equipment and we have the electricity and the Internet and I talk to people on the phone and I Zoom with patients and kiddos and things of that nature.
Speaker 2:And then I do all the marketing myself and everything else, and all of it takes money and we are using our own, which is really hard when we're already strapped, and so we're not trying to do this to get rich.
Speaker 1:we're not doing this nope, that's why the class most classes are what?
Speaker 2:they're under five dollars five dollars and that is because not free.
Speaker 2:Well, they've been valued at well over a hundred a piece, but we want to make it affordable, because healing shouldn't come with a price tag Right, and we want to make sure people can afford it. Now, if you take a class and you're like, wow, this is amazing and you have the ability to donate, then you can either do a contagious smilecom and in the right corner it'll say buy me coffee. But when you open it up, it's actually giving another person a chance and every five dollar donation um, every five dollar donation is a class for someone who couldn't afford it at the time and that is a really big deal and it really does help other people my apologies y'all.
Speaker 1:That was, that was 15 cameras around the security camera went off just now.
Speaker 2:And our dogs didn't bark and that's because it was nothing there. It looks like it was a spider that just set a web.
Speaker 1:Well, be sure to jump on that email, phoenixatacatagessmilecom, and write your dear silence, and it can be a letter that you're writing about yourself what you've endured.
Speaker 2:It doesn't have to be just physical abuse. It could be emotional, it could be narcissistic um, it could be about someone you lost to someone that you lost. It could be a dedication piece to someone who has, you know, been taken too soon due to this. It's really going to be beautiful. How it is going to be emotional. It is going to be really hard to read.
Speaker 1:It's extremely hard.
Speaker 2:But when you look at it, like all of these people are coming together to virtually hold each other and hold each other up and say I matter and our voice matters, and now it's time we freaking scream and we're going to, and we're going to do it internationally and that's what we're going to do and to be able to do that and then hope that it saves.
Speaker 2:If it saves one person, then it's so worth it. I mean to read it and it's empowering because you read it and at first it's gonna grab your heart, it's gonna hurt to read some of these things, but then you get really freaking mad and you're like damn, uh-uh, no, especially that one from that mom. I mean, that one is tough and when you read these stories you want to help. If you're at all human and not these abusive monsters, then you're gonna want to help. You're gonna want to to save these beautiful kids. I've had a bunch of kids actually write in, uh, with their parents permission and wrote stories or letters, babe, to their parents especially most of them were to their mom about them watching what their mom went through for them.
Speaker 2:And then I've had some parents and some kids who have asked can we? Or all the parents have written on behalf of the children and said you know, can we do quotes? We're going to have a quote section, and that is. It's empowering too. But when you literally have these young kids, they are so much smarter than you have any idea, babe, like I don't think us adults have any idea. I mean, I have gotten letters from moms that are like hey, I have a seven or eight year old who wrote me this and can I give it to you to put out there, without their name, absolutely. Or I've talked to my daughter or said about this and they want to write one or anything of that nature.
Speaker 2:And it's it's heart wrenching because these kids, kids one of them thanked their mom for letting dad make their body their battlefield so that they didn't do it to them, and it was wow so heart-wrenching, and the thing is immediately, as a mom, I immediately think of my daughter, I immediately think, oh my god, what if she had ever seen it right, or at the age where she could remember it? And so this book will really be a movement. It's going to really change.
Speaker 1:I was just thinking that very word movement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it really will. It's so impactful. I mean, even if you sit there and think about these kids that are like, I watched him come in and yell at you. I watched you cry or keep a sane face and go into the bathroom and then you came out with all dried off from your shower but your eyes were red and I knew you cried. You didn't want me to know you cried, but I knew you cried and you know, like one of them and I'm only going to say a little tidbit of it One of them that really grabbed me was I always slept on the edge of the bed in case you needed somewhere to come in and sleep in the middle of the night, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:And when I read that it was like holy crap, these kids are so much smarter, you know, than they have any idea. And I don't think what the kids do realize is that a lot of times, yes, the mom might say, hey, I'm coming in here to lay in here with you, but a lot of times also, that mom very well may be coming in there to lay with you to protect you, even though you think you're protecting them, and it's just these stories, you know, that are real, are 100 authentic and people really need to take a really good long look at how we can help make this a thing of the past it's going to be amazing when all said and done.
Speaker 1:I know right now it's at the very early stages y'all, so it's probably been up and out there for what Two days, two days, and I probably already have 50 plus submissions. So it's going to take a little bit to.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I will launch it beginning of October.
Speaker 1:Beginning of October. Yeah, okay. Well, there you go. You heard it from the wife's mouth the metal and all, I'm a heavy metal metalhead.
Speaker 2:it will be launching beginning of october and all proceeds will go back to the academy yeah yeah, but see it's even going to cost money to make the book right and so we're funding that ourself and so, but then all the proceeds from the book are going to come right back into the academy.
Speaker 2:But people don't realize. They think, oh, if you're launching on amazon, you, you know, you make a lot of money. Oh no, amazon just jacked it up where I don't know the exact percentage, but I do believe that now they get it's either 50 or 60 percent, like more. Oh yeah, yeah, it's outrageous. So like, if you have a book, it's under and I don't want to misquote, but it's if it's under a certain number, then you get like 60% goes to them. If it's over a certain number, then you get like 30% and they get 70. It's so ridiculous, it's so, it's so ridiculous, but it's just as it's more expensive to go with a publishing firm.
Speaker 1:So thank y'all for listening to a contagious smile, unstoppable and my inappropriate english be sure to get on the website, get on there and sign up for our academy which is free to join I'm through mighty networks no, well, yes, but they don't go to my networks.
Speaker 2:They have to go to a contagious smile. Dot m n dot co and sign up.
Speaker 1:It's free, hop on a class most of them are free.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of free.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of free mini classes too be sure to write dear silence at phoenix, at a contagious smilecom, and let your voice be heard. Yes and uh, you know. If you feel the need, buy a cup of coffee, okay, thank y'all for listening. Y'all have a good night, victoria and michael out.
