A Contagious Smile Podcast
A Contagious Smile is a powerful platform dedicated to uplifting and empowering special needs families and survivors of domestic violence. Through heartfelt stories, we shine a light on the journeys of extraordinary individuals who have overcome unimaginable challenges. Their triumphs serve as a testament to resilience and strength, inspiring others to rediscover their own inner light. Each episode features candid interviews with survivors, advocates, and experts who provide valuable resources and insights to support those on their own paths to healing and empowerment. Join us as we celebrate the power of resilience, the beauty of shared stories, and the unstoppable spirit of those who turn adversity into hope. Let us guide you in rekindling your spirit, because every smile tells a story of courage and transformation.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
Phoenix Rising: From Silent Victim to Unstoppable Voice
When we talk about domestic violence, the most damaging question survivors hear is "Why didn't you just leave?" In this raw and powerful episode, Victoria and Michael pull back the curtain on this misconception, sharing stories from their upcoming book project "Dear Silence, You Lost."
Victoria reveals a particularly moving submission from a child who once resented their mother for staying in an abusive relationship, only to later understand that leaving might have meant losing the protection their mother provided. This perspective shift challenges the judgment many survivors face and highlights the impossible choices victims must navigate within broken systems.
Drawing from personal experience, Victoria discusses her own journey of survival, including the physical consequences she still manages daily—hearing loss that will soon require major surgery, living with one arm, and dealing with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Yet despite these challenges, she focuses on creating accessible healing resources for others. "Nobody signs up and says 'hey, I want to be that battered wife,'" she reminds listeners. "And so many people are so quick to jump to ridicule instead of saying 'let me be your safe space.'"
The conversation shifts to breaking free from narcissistic relationships, with both hosts sharing their experiences with narcissistic parents who never take accountability for their actions. For those struggling with similar relationships, they offer practical advice on establishing boundaries and reclaiming personal power.
Their Trauma-Led Advocacy Academy—the first of its kind worldwide—offers affordable and free courses covering everything from healing resources to educational content for special needs children. "When you're going through healing, you shouldn't have to decide between paying your rent or mortgage or healing," Victoria explains, highlighting why keeping costs minimal remains their priority despite financial challenges.
Have you experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse? Share your story anonymously for the upcoming book by emailing phoenix@acontagioussmile.com, or explore healing resources at acontagioussmile.com.
my husband. He's supposed to be bringing us in, which he did not, so I will. Good evening. Welcome to another episode of a contagious small, unstoppable hi babe howdy y'all? Really he's like a little kid with christmas, like he has a toy, and so he's like something just fun and to play with. So what, what?
Speaker 2:nothing, have at it horse there it is again.
Speaker 1:so my husband thinks it's comical because we have had the same computer forever and I've been operating on a dinosaur, basically, and we got a new one and we're trying to transition from one to the other and this one has had me a little flustered, to say the least.
Speaker 2:I had to come save her bacon.
Speaker 1:I don't know if we go that far. Who just asked me to fix the microphones?
Speaker 2:Oh, the microphone is your department.
Speaker 1:Oh, I see how this goes.
Speaker 2:What? Yeah, you talk a lot.
Speaker 1:Oh, who jawjacks more?
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But that's Southern hospitality for you.
Speaker 1:No, before we do anything, I want to take a moment and just ask our listeners to do me a favor, if they will. I cannot disclose names of anyone that I am working with names of anyone that I am working with. However, I have been so blessed to be in contact with an amazing mother and daughter, and she has a very big surgery coming up this week, and if everybody could just wrap them in hugs, thoughts and prayers not only for her but for her mom hugs, thoughts and prayers not only for her but for her mom while her daughter is in the surgery, I would really appreciate it, that very sweet girl.
Speaker 1:That would mean a lot and she's going to come out of this like the warrior that she is, but I just want to put that out there and ask for a moment of acknowledgement and prayer for these two amazing women. So, yes, so my husband has uh been kind of having a lazy day today and uh I've been running around and then doing the computer we know what the issue is.
Speaker 2:I I've got some low test scores, some low test scores.
Speaker 1:All right, we're going to have to disclose again for people who might be checking us out for the first time.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't be checking you out, woman. You're my woman.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're just bitter about the grocery store.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I'm honored that someone flirts with you. That hits on you.
Speaker 1:But he actually told me, he actually said he liked the view from behind right now.
Speaker 2:Now offer for him to go in front right and the fact that he followed you down several aisles and said hello three times.
Speaker 1:Right now we're borderline stalking okay and I didn't like having someone behind me like that. I want that person when I know that there's something fishy or whatever. I want them. Them in front, not behind me. And so, yeah, and then in front of our daughter too, who said nothing it was so surprising because she's always so quick Right, and he was like, oh, I'm good with the view back here. I was like, sure, three items.
Speaker 2:That brings up a point Keep your head on a swivel. Y'all, y'all, y'all. Keep your nose out of your phone please, y'all gone. You put your head down. You don't see where you're going. My daughter and I went to get some uh cookie cake and some ice cream there and was like look, make me a fresh, fresh, damn it sorry hang on and we got out of the truck, her nose was in the phone.
Speaker 2:I grabbed a hold of her shoulder and stopped her before she walked right out in front of another black car and uh, yeah, good lesson there. I know, dad, I know that's. That's, that's the answer I got. I know, dad, I know so. And yes, I did ask them to make a fresh cookie cake pie, whatever you call it, the giant one, just for my daughter, and we waited 30 minutes. Yes, sir re bob, that's my little princess. This is my queen sitting over here looking at me your queen.
Speaker 1:Could you please disclose why, for some reason it's like very active right now, why my speech is?
Speaker 2:so y'all, my wife is is a genius, okay let's not go that far okay, her iq ranks way up there. Okay, hey, faith, probably around 180, I don't know like. Anyway, whatever, she has three doctorates, okay, so she is not stupid. Okay, did she make a stupid bonehead move by marrying me? That's still debatable.
Speaker 1:He just said a minute ago, Faith just walked in, Come on and said. He just said that you are his princess.
Speaker 2:I did.
Speaker 1:There's a spider on the wall.
Speaker 2:I didn't even look. Anyway, I see that tattoo babe, I see that yeah there's a spider on the wall. Anyway.
Speaker 1:He called you his princess. I can do anything I want, and it'll come for me.
Speaker 2:I'm her slave. Y'all, Do dads hear that?
Speaker 1:you called her your princess, any okay?
Speaker 2:so my wife spider, due to the amount of violence that she underwent with that pos monster that she was first married to, she has suffered just immense hearing loss, damaged her ears, her ear canal, her head, head trauma, and it is now affecting her speech because she is 100% deaf in one ear and 85, 88% in her other ear. She will soon have a massive surgery to where they core everything out in her ear and leave her your a is having course you're already deaf in that ear, so I just be like but here's the difference that I've learned.
Speaker 1:It's like when you have a cochlear implant, which I've been asked and told I desperately need, but don't have 300 grand to get it, and our intern says uncover it, it a lot. They drill a hole in your head and you hear from that spot right, and so you hear from there. And the difference is people who do get cochlear implants don't always have this stitch down surgery, which is they consider it a radical, um, risky. But I had my eardrum reconstructed and rebuilt and they've gone down there and done dozens of surgeries trying to help and I constantly get infections and so they want to take out all of that because my eardrum has like fallen flat and it has basically ended up looking like swiss cheese now and it's got lots and lots of holes in it and so at some point in time you can hear vibrations, you can hear some vibrations, but that will no longer be an option.
Speaker 1:So earlier I was sitting in my husband's office chair, which is on the opposite side of the room, where my left ear was facing, and it was like, oh, wow, now I can hear. Like it's so different because the way the office is set up right now my right ear faces him, which I know a lot of wives are like Victoria. Why are you complaining? This is great because you don't hear what he has to say, and sometimes that is true. That's the great gift, but excuse me, huh. Anyway, so I have noticed that I am having issues with my speaking on certain words and some things, and it's very frustrating, so please forgive me for it, because it's definitely not intentional and so that's the end of that yes, so we went all the way around that tree to get to the bush, so to speak.
Speaker 2:Really spider, uh-huh, okay. So the whole point is y'all, if y'all hear slip up a word, uh, just forgive her, I'll try to get on it and let you know the correct word, or whatever.
Speaker 2:Thanks, you're welcome, I appreciate it but it's frustrating for my wife to sit here and she's she's a very eloquent speaker, unlike myself. You know I did not go to college how do you say that word? College School but my wife is, you know, she does a lot of public speaking, a lot of webinars. She talks to thousands of people every month, I think, and you know this is frustrating for her.
Speaker 1:Because we're in the vehicle and it's like you know, faith will say something, and if the air conditioner is on, or Well, hello, rusty, rusty says hi everybody. Or the radio is on, then it's very, very. Oh, he's letting us know there's a bunch of cars outside. Look at that, he's so smart. It really makes it quite hard for me to hear it. And it has been getting worse. It's not like I woke up and it was that way. It's been getting worse as time goes on. Rusty really wants to be heard today.
Speaker 2:That's our alarm system. Y'all.
Speaker 1:No, that's one of the many alarm systems we have in this house home home I corrected it. Yes, I corrected. So let's take a moment and also talk about. We have so much going on um for october, for domestic violence awareness month, and I want to shout out to sam, who has now got me as his I don't even know how you want to call it to Sam, who has now got me as his I don't even know how you want to call it. He's our PR person now.
Speaker 2:Sam, you're awesome buddy.
Speaker 1:He's amazing.
Speaker 2:Can we put him out there?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:No, legally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's giving me his information and his. I'll have his logo. I can put up there later on, and so I mean, he's just a stand-up, really sweet person.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Very family-oriented, very.
Speaker 2:He's got a contagious smile in the places we never thought would be like 30,000 feet.
Speaker 1:What 30,000?
Speaker 2:feet On an airplane oh yeah that's true.
Speaker 1:Very true. So I had a meeting with him on Friday and we talked about some of the things that we're going to be doing for October, and one of them is well, two of them, they kind of coincide together is the book and master class, and because I'm obviously way off sorts this evening with my wording, you describe the book for me which book would that be?
Speaker 1:this is going to be the dear silence you lost oh gosh and everybody loves this book title okay, so remind me again the email you're using phoenix at a contagious smilecom, and that's for anybody who wants to not reach out to me for assistance for something, but wants to like, submit a story or wants to, you know, add something to what we do or has a proposal of some sort. That's where that goes. If you want me directly, you know my husband will tell you. I answer all my emails. I was emailing two three o'clock this morning, which is not abnormal, um, but it's phoenix she gets about ten thousand a day so phoenix, phoenix at a contagious smile dot com.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, um, the letters that we have been getting, I've been privileged to read of just a small handful, and y'all let me tell you what they are tear jerkers you can put mine out there, because I I have no problem discussing that you. You think that monsters don't exist, but there really are monsters out literally under the bed right and living with you yeah, and some of them you call dad, Some of them you call uncle.
Speaker 2:I just I can't imagine some of the things that you know these people are going through. And then, when they put it down on paper, it's just, it's so eye-opening and so disheartening and you can't help but have Niagara Falls, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, one that really, really got me and it was a was a recent submission was a child and I don't want to give it all away who apologized for hating their mother, um, and said I grew up hating you and despising you because I didn't understand why you stayed, why did you keep us in a harmful environment, why did you keep us in harm's way? And as the submission went on and on and I'm not going to give it away all the details that were in it, literally it goes through this timeline of this child just despising their mom because they couldn't understand why, I mean, you would laugh as a sign of defense, you would. I knew it in the. In the writer said I knew at that time something was about to happen and it was almost like her telling everybody to get out or go away. You know, and he, the writer, didn't understand why, and then comes to learn later on that they realize that if the mom did leave, as our court system so often do and I went through this with the termination of rights was you have a judge or judges that'll say he may have beat you, but he hasn't hit this kid and you know what? It's only a matter of time. It is only a matter of time before they hit this kid, and you can testify that as an officer, and I can testify to that on a plethora of things that I've done in working with families. And it's literally just this.
Speaker 1:This poor kid was writing saying I didn't understand. I didn't understand, but when I got older I started to realize, because I realized that if you had left, then there would have been a time when I would have had to go without you and you wouldn't have been able to be there to protect me. And now you are my hero and I'm sorry, and it was so eye opening from a child's perspective, because so many people are so quick to say why did you stay? Why didn't you leave? You know? And then they turn around and make us feel even worse. But you know what. You don't know what it's like. So how can you be so judgmental? You know, like my grandmother God rest her soul had all sorts of different cancers, right, I can't even fathom for a millisecond what it was like for her to go through treatment for cancer, cancer, and I've had well over a hundred surgeries and I'm not even going to try and figure out what it would feel like to be a person who endured all of that treatment radiation and chemotherapy and all of that so, and that's just really a bad analogy. But in reality, you know, how do you tell somebody what it's like to go through chemo and radiation if you've never done it? Same thing, if you've never been in that situation where you're in fight or flight, how can you be so quick to ridicule somebody when you haven't been there yourself? And good for you for not having to be there?
Speaker 1:But it's one in four and nobody decides and says, hey, I'm gonna raise my hand and say I want to be a battered wife. Nobody, nobody raises their hand and says I'm gonna be the battered wife or I'm going to be the battered spouse ever. So nobody elects for this, nobody chooses this, and I know that my husband can. You know contest to this that when you're in that relationship they're so charismatic, they're so charming, they're so believable and at the end of the day it's not just men, it's women too. You know my husband's been very open about the fact he went with it through this as well in his previous marriages that it was just like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, you know, very charismatic, very different. And then, when they have their claws in you, everything changes. But nobody signs up and says hey, I want to do this, I want to be that better wife.
Speaker 1:And so many people are so quick to jump to ridicule instead of saying let me be your safe space, you know, let me offer you a place to go to, let me offer you my person. Like, just be here. And if you don't know what to say, then just be here. And if you don't know what to say, then just be quiet and just sit in a room and let them know they're not alone so please, y'all this, what, what my wife has been putting together here for the past few days, few weeks, uh, last week, week and a half.
Speaker 2:Um, this is going to be a book seen by millions y'all. So your story, your brief submission will be heard. Okay, it will be seen. Yes, it's going to remain anonymous.
Speaker 1:That's the choice, if you choose, or they can just put their first name or they can give themselves an alias.
Speaker 2:By all means get that out of your system. Let it out. Let the world see, know whomever see. Uh, it's an amazing thing, it really is it. Yes, it's very, very therapeutic to me. It it just it's heartbreaking to read.
Speaker 1:you know that we go through this I literally wrote to idiot for the very first time ever and I bet you I bet you I rewrote it 50 times.
Speaker 1:If I did it once and I kept rewriting it, it was like this isn't what I'm trying to come across with. This is, you know, this isn't it, this isn't it. And then I finished it, and my whole reason for doing it is if you haven't read who kicked first, which is the very graphic memoir of what I endured. Um, this is literally like it's never a competition. I can't tell you how many times I've spoken to people that says I've learned about you, you've been, you know everything you've been through. He only hit me a few times. You know it's not a big deal. One kick, one hit, one punch, one, anything is one too many. You should not be with someone who puts their hands on you in an unwarranted manner, period. That's the end of that and it's not a competition.
Speaker 1:And so I wanted my submission to be kind of an eye-opening epiphany for people that can go and look at it and say, well, shit, pregnant and broken and just it's. It's listed in there, just some of the stuff that I went through. I can do it, I can get out right, and it's not meant to be looked upon as a competition. It's meant to be looked upon, that if I was that broken and pregnant and alone and had nothing, and he even shot and killed my dog to show me what he would do if I left, then you can get out. You can get out. I mean, when I read to you my submission for the book, what were your thoughts?
Speaker 2:There were things I didn't know and it's just, it's eye-opening to see the love that my wife has have has now listen to me has had, has it. Whatever that my wife carries currently bestows in her heart for our daughter, and that love was her strength to push her through out of that darkness.
Speaker 2:I think your boy stucko wants out from under your chair hey, baby, come on, baby boy golden retriever stucco is uh also our wife, my wife's service dog, my baby and, uh, he's the star of stucco squad. It's my boy, which is uh also on the academy y'all. Yes, you have to get on the website.
Speaker 1:Go check that out so you were saying you read this. Yes, there are things you didn't know.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, so that's it. They're gonna read it once you compile all this.
Speaker 1:Seeds from the book are going into the academy and it should be available soon here I'm trying to release this the beginning of october for domestic violence awareness month, um, and it will coincide with a master class that I've been working on through the academy as well.
Speaker 1:So, uh, other options also in there. There are a lot of classes in the academy that are free or very low cost, and they've all been evaluated for more than a hundred dollars a piece, but I don't believe that healing should come at the. You know how do you pay for food for your family, or you know healing Because, just like with my cochlear implants, our insurance won't cover it and it's $300,000 for one. And when you're going through healing and you're trying to be the best healed version of yourself, you shouldn't have to decide do I want to pay my rent or my mortgage or do I want healing Right? And so that's why we rely on donors and contributors in there, because I mean you know I was doing some research An average like half dozen Krispy Kreme donuts are $10 now, half dozen at the grocery store.
Speaker 2:A fast food meal you can't get for five dollars. No right anywhere between nine and twelve bucks.
Speaker 1:Right. Faith loves her starbucks. We know she loves her starbucks. One starbucks is like six, seven dollars now not even five dollars. We have done this, hoping that we start to get in, you know, an ample amount of either donations or contributing to the Academy, because we are not taking paychecks. My husband and I do not take a paycheck from this and we have suffered greatly from it financially because we don't ever want someone to be turned away again. We want someone to know that they have this and we have actually been awarded several awards because there is no other academy out there like this in the world. There is no trauma led advocacy academy anywhere. Should we go on Shark Tape? For what?
Speaker 2:If anyone wants to buy the company.
Speaker 1:I would never sell this company.
Speaker 2:Good for you Ever. That's my girl, so can I piggyback on something you said earlier? Sure, you mentioned that you didn't want to have to make the decision whether or not to buy medicine for your child or food for your family For your mortgage or rent.
Speaker 2:Right, so you kept these classes extremely low. Yes, $4.95, 99 cents yeah, somewhere in that area. Rent right, so you kept these classes extremely low. Yes, four dollars and 95 cents 99 cent, yeah, somewhere in that area. We sat down as a family last night. It was it was daddy daughter movie night, but my wife joined us and she put us on to a phenomenal movie tyler perry, it's all I have to say.
Speaker 1:He's. I've already seen it. I've already seen the movies.
Speaker 2:I saw it straw the movie called is called straw and yes, oh, and it was produced by tyler perry that's one of my desired.
Speaker 2:Long to meet people right and who has who kicked first on his desk right, we have, uh, we have, um, a nice friend named mary who has placed my wife's first book, her memoir, on tyler perry's desk in hopes that you know, he may read it and um, get a hold of it somehow. So but the, the, the movie was just as my wife was saying. The female in the movie had to choose what to buy. Right, she gave up air conditioning so that she could buy her daughter's medicine.
Speaker 1:Her daughter was special needs and you know her medicine was very expensive. Insurance didn't cover it all and you know, beyond paycheck to paycheck, this woman was living. And this is the second time I've seen the movie and I was just more heart-wrenching than the first, if that was even possible, because I mean he did such a great job directing this movie he really did. It was amazing. And to to watch it it's so impactful as a parent to someone who has special needs and has been that way her whole life. Right, and you know I don't want to give away the movie. Everybody needs to watch this movie. It's phenomenal, but it's just it shouldn't. This country should not be where you have to decide do you want to pay for this or do you want to pay for that? Like it shouldn't be that way. You know it shouldn't.
Speaker 1:And then you have people who are multi-multi-millionaires, who have money and they pay it on lavish cars and homes and boats and whatever. And good for you, that's great for you. But why can't we make it where, if children need medication, they can get it regardless of the parent's income? Because if a kid needs medicine, they need medicine, right, and to me, laughter is also such a great medication and that's why we've done these courses like the Stucco Squad. You know, kids have different disabilities and I hate the word disabilities because there's nothing they can't do. They just have to learn about it a different way. Michael J Fox said it best when he said everybody can learn. It's just how you learn, right. So, like Stucco just created a course called Stucco, take it Away, and it teaches kids that have what is called learning disabilities and even though I hate that term, I absolutely hate that term how, in a special needs classroom, if you will. How to take away in subtraction. So take it away Stucco. You know like it opens up and Stucco is on the hunt for why is some of his cookies missing? Stucco's missing cookies, and he's in a classroom and it's done with cartoons and where are his cookies? Right, and it's so cute. And, like the classes, I love writing them, like I kept saying to my husband I want to add a couple of classes a week. I do it daily because it's so much fun to do it. And you know, here's Stucco, and then he's in the Stucco squad. And you know, here's Stucco, and then he's in the Stucco squad and the kids are learning and they're doing all sorts of fun stuff. And it's just, you know, and to put a smile on people's face.
Speaker 1:And then there's stuff out there for us adults, like I have a course called my Butt is Bluetooth. And it's because I joke around with my surgeons and say I need a USB port because I have to plug in my body to be functional. And you know, now I have to go and charge. Tonight when we're done here, I have to go charge my back and it sucks, like it sucks. And then I have to plug in my headphones or my hearing aids, if I can wear them, and I have to charge my prosthetic arm. And you know, if I get the cochlear implants, by the grace of god, those have to be charged. And it's like all of these things. I am like this robot that in 25, 30 years just needs a wd-40 washing like forget the shower, I just need, like you know, the the oil can from the wizard of oz, creek, creek, creek, creek, creek.
Speaker 1:But you know, and then I see people who are in such a crappy mood for the dumbest reasons and it's like what do you really have to be so pissy about? Like, why are you so pissy? I mean, you know you're in your million dollar home, you have your eight cars, you have whatever and and you're just a miserable bastard. Why, why, why are you laughing? Why are you laughing?
Speaker 2:You're hitting home.
Speaker 1:I don't have, that's not home.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 1:That's not home.
Speaker 2:Okay, near home.
Speaker 1:We're talking about narcissism now. Now you've gone into a narcissistic thing which is your prequel to your first book. Yes, it is the prequel.
Speaker 1:So y'all get on Amazon and look up who kicked first, and also narc narc who's there as in knock knock, but it's narc narc and it you know, and that's by victoria cure. And the reason it's narc narc is because it's about narcissism and you never know what you're going to get behind that closed door. And growing up very easily and diagnosed biological I come, sperm donor and egg donor. There's a narcissist, and a very serious narcissist, as if there's any levels of it. But like one of the things he did the most is he would go no contact with me or I would go no contact with him and his answer would be well, you did it, you're the grown-ass man, right. And so he has tried to contact and kind of like do this, like whoosh in again for a minute and then he'll whoosh out again. And he.
Speaker 1:I got a phone call and I was on the phone with a patient and I didn't take the call because I'm not going to do that. And then I wrote back you rang because I don't reach out first. I'm not going to reach out first, but the old me would have groveled and begged and pleaded for him to be in my life. And no matter how many things that he did wrong, I always took the fault for it. I always, as he calls it, fell on the sword. There's that stupid English problem Fell on the sword, didn't matter what I always did.
Speaker 1:And so I would beg him to forgive me for his actions, even though I could have been in a different physical, geographic state. I could have been domicile two hours away, doesn't matter if something was screwed up. It was my fault always, because he always blamed me. He's going to read out your microphone wire. He always blamed me. And so now, for the very first time ever in my life, I'm not reaching out and begging him all. For the very first time ever in my life, I'm not reaching out and begging him. And he told me he wanted to have a conversation with me and I told him I have no desire and I've never once in my entire life ever said that to that man, ever. I don't have a man's word, but ever said that. And that's like a head spin for him, because I've always been the black sheep, the escape goat, and now I'm like no.
Speaker 2:So, speaking of narcissism and having a narcissistic father, how do you get out from under that? How do you? How do you Well, you could answer that too. How do you take?
Speaker 1:back that control. It took me decades, I mean, but you could answer it from a man's point of view. I mean, how did you do it?
Speaker 2:From whom your parent. Well, I didn't know what a narcissist was at the time. I just said oh, that's just, ma, that's just the way. She is Right, you know, but her thing was she'd make you feel guilty. Like you know, she's the victim.
Speaker 1:Never did Right, was she'd. She'd make you feel guilty, like you know she's like victim.
Speaker 2:never did right, never instead of having that domineering control right.
Speaker 1:Never take accountability ever for anything right. And then it was, and we both heard it, like when faith was in the hospital, you know. She was in complete organ failure and we almost lost her that's our daughter right, we heard. Well, I texted once and that was from my sperm donor. You, you texted once. Are you serious? Like everybody knew, we had listeners reaching out.
Speaker 1:We had oh yeah people we didn't even know, sending food to the hospital for us, right and and well, I reached out once. What, what is this? Um, literally once. But then your mom knew what was going on, with faith and not a word. Oh, and not a word, not a phrase, not nothing. And her answer was I didn't know if you'd take the call. I mean, come on now seriously. And I mean I've said a thousand times to you if you want a relationship with her, that's your choice.
Speaker 2:And she tried to turn everything around on us so, going back to the question how do you get out from under their thumb? Excuse me, y'all the I mean for me. I had to physically move.
Speaker 1:I had to, but that didn't mean was it to stop at first?
Speaker 2:it didn't cause it stopped, but it caused an eye opening because it causes me to start realizing hey, there's something not right here right, and then, in turn, it was blamed on me for causing it right. But it was not me, it was her actions right right and and also it took someone who knew a narcissist to point it out.
Speaker 1:Hey, this is the way your mom is, just like my dad, so well, you actually came to me about it and asked me a couple different times about things and you know you said this isn't right, what she's doing isn't right. And I was like, oh, I know, because I've had this myself, you know, and the thing is they refuse to take accountability for their actions. It It'll never happen. And like when you know they won't reach out because then that shows almost a weakness. So then, like they had your, she had your brother call, and that was shocking. And then when we spoke to her, it was well, I could have you know. And I said very quickly I don't care, it's not about me, it's the fact that you hurt my husband and you hurt my child. You know, you made promises that you would never do this and you did. And the fact that she knew what was going on and still said nothing. And while in the conversation it was all about her, right, this is a big flag about a narcissist. It was all about her, just like it's always about her, right. That's, this is a big flag about a narcissist. It was all about her, just like it's always about him. And it was me, me, me, me, like her, right, it was all like.
Speaker 1:This is what I've been going through, and never once did she ask Michael, how are you, how is faith in all this? She never said how's faith, and I don't care that. She didn't ask about me like that. You know, the one thing that really hurt me was the fact that when I went through my amputation it's fine she made a choice not to reach out to me, but that's her choice. She didn't call her son to say, how are you holding up? How are you doing? Or her granddaughter, how are you know? Can I talk to faith? How's faith doing with all of this? There was no outreach for any of that at all, and that's really tough. That's hard.
Speaker 2:So I'm wondering if you guys out there, guys, if you have a, yeah, you guys if y'all have a narcissistic mother or wife that you have to deal with or have dealt with or are currently dealing with, I want you to write me an email, Okay, and briefly describe what you're living in, what you've gone through and how you got out of it.
Speaker 1:A lot of people are afraid to do emails. Just so you know.
Speaker 2:How much would they reach out to me?
Speaker 1:Well, no, I'm just saying, you just need to let them know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can sign your name Bob. You can be Bob Dylan for all I care.
Speaker 1:No, read it online or whatever. If you don't want us to Right it works.
Speaker 2:And we don't mention geographic location, correct. So my email is Solomon S-O-L-O-M-O-N. The number four at acontagioussmilecom. Solomon, the number four at acontagioussmilecom, I'd like to hear from you guys. There's not enough of us that put our business out there, because we're taught to keep it all bottled up and keep it inside.
Speaker 1:So let the world hear from y'all but how is it, as a man, to be raised with a narcissistic parent?
Speaker 2:like you, sometimes you just don't know, right. Okay, let's say, let's just use the word ignorant. I was ignorant. Okay, I did not know what a narcissist was.
Speaker 1:Well then explain as there are other kids, you have siblings why there's no contact with you as a man, because I know why it is for me as a woman. Why is their relationship with the other siblings?
Speaker 2:I couldn't answer that.
Speaker 1:And not you.
Speaker 2:Couldn't answer that. You know it could be benefits, could be the closeness, geographically geographic, living in the same location, you know and hey, when I need a hand I can reach out. And there it is what I need a hand. Well, I need a hand from you. I bet y'all. My wife has only one arm I think our listeners are suppliers and we make light of it.
Speaker 2:Now it's, you know, in all seriousness, you know we have a um, a special friend my wife's dealing with, now that um is about to lose hers? I think so, and we do joke about it. My wife and I can joke about it because you know, we live it. She lives it every day. I wake up and and I used to sit on the end of the bed and bitch and complain about my back oh, my back, I'm getting old and then stand up and hear my knees pop. Well, all I have to do is look over at my wife and there's her nub laying on the pillow and like what the hell do I have to complain about y'all?
Speaker 1:or if I'm facing him, I can't hear. So I'm saying the other day I was like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Right, but my husband will tell you, I never sit and complain. I don't say, oh, my god, woe is me, I can't work today, I can't do this. My husband will say can you please take a day off? Could you please? What am I gonna do to get you not to work today? What is that?
Speaker 1:And the thing is is like I can't lay on my nub because I have CRPS, which is a whole different show, and then that's complex regional pain, and then I have this new STEM router, but then, if you don't know, I have 26 pieces of metal in my face from complete upper and lower jaw replacement. And then if I'm laying, I can lay on my nub for like five or ten minutes and then I can't. It's excruciating, so I can't. But then if I'm laying on my nub, then my left ear is covered, I hear nothing, and it's so frustrating, and so then I have to turn over and then I can hear. But then I'm facing the other way. So it's like don't we keep changing sides in the room? And then I'm this, but then I'm facing the other way, so it's like we keep changing sides in the room and then I'm this person that will change everything in the room, like the dressers and the nightstands, and everything has to move.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a fun time.
Speaker 1:Oh, you've never done it. Every time I've done it, you've come home. I will get faith out here. Every time you have gone to work and come home and I have changed that whole room around by myself.
Speaker 2:I thought we were keeping this PG. What Really? I didn't mean move the bed like that woman, lord have mercy. You mean you scooted the bed when you plugged in the light we had it positioned the other way.
Speaker 1:No, that bed's always been that way.
Speaker 2:And then we turned it? No, we did not. And then we moved all the dressers safe I did not.
Speaker 1:You, we can call faith in here. I did it and you came home and you were like woman, woman, why are you doing that one arm, what are you doing? And then you're like, oh, kitten, what were you doing? She's like in my room, with that door shut because I ain't going in there. Seriously, I'm not going to be told, I can't do it, like. That's like the thing. Don't tell me, oh, you can't, you can't do this.
Speaker 2:You can't be silent for five minutes. You know that's okay. See, everybody's laughing their ass off right now. That took like 0.7 seconds.
Speaker 1:Podcast so I can be quiet when we're not recording. I mean seriously, how about you stay awake the whole day?
Speaker 2:oh lord, I don't know, I won't even go that route why you win, I win.
Speaker 1:Say it again, yeah you win.
Speaker 2:you're right. Oh, say it again. I probably took what? Two naps today, three, three, yeah, well, falling asleep in the recliner, in the recliner, in the recliner, in the recliner, in the recliner. I bit my tongue there. I'm imitating my wife. What, what? Say it again. I didn't hear you. I don't have my hearing aids on, you hurt.
Speaker 1:You're hilarious.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, uh-huh.
Speaker 2:Yes, all right, take us out. No, I brought us in. What us in? Uh, what? Oh yeah, you were too busy fidgeting over there. Well, you got me a new power bank here and it doesn't work because the usbc doesn't work on the iphone, and that's my fault. Why, uh? Did you read it correctly? Uh?
Speaker 1:how could I have read it when you unwrapped it? Touche, anywho, try that again, you're right. Try it again, say you're right.
Speaker 2:No, I already said it once.
Speaker 1:Let's try again.
Speaker 2:No, stee Hi baby Rusty is our other Golden Retriever, that is, that is Faith, faith's Baby Service dog.
Speaker 1:Hey Rusty Bear, he's like the gentle giant, he's a big boy. We were breeding Golden Retrievers For, I think, three years yeah, we had like 38 talk about puppy love, 30 lay down 35, 38 and just like like all these we had 1838 dogs, uh, and no, it wasn't a breeding farm, it.
Speaker 2:Uh. Our dogs were loved and they went out with loved and they were cared for. Oh, they were spoiled.
Speaker 1:We, we sold them and adopted them they went to special needs families for the most part gave some gave a lot of them way over the years, the families that couldn't afford them right, but you know we have so many customers still reaching out to us.
Speaker 1:You know, just a few weeks ago, yeah, because a lot of them came from my baby a A lot of them came from the puppies and showing us how happy they are. Oh yeah, they'll get them so, and my baby boy was this little sperminator. He was the stucco, stucco, a lot of this y'all, we pay forward.
Speaker 2:Yes, and it's going back to the price of the classes. How inexpensive they are.
Speaker 1:And we don't want to shut it down, but we have to pay for all the platforms to run it and we're not taking a paycheck, but it's literally, you know, it's close to a couple grand a month and we have to make that just to even break even.
Speaker 2:And that doesn't happen unless we get contributions, and that's the problem, and we have to have them get on the website and buy a cup of coffee, or join the academy and take a class or two.
Speaker 1:You know them are free or very low cost and then you can sponsor. You could do a one-time sponsorship, a monthly, monthly sponsorship. You go over there and it on the left side it says provide a sponsorship or provide a scholarship Sorry.
Speaker 2:Right, we have. We have millions of followers out here and thank y'all very much, and it all it would take is just one, one class from each of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and they're not boring. They're not boring textbook, boring courses. There are stuff you could do with your kid. There's stuff that you can do that are bonding with your children. There's stuff the kids can do, like going back to school. There's an IEP armor class to help you prepare if you're going to do IEPs, with information that most people don't know there are. It's a plethora of everything. We have things for vets and all of the vets in the veteran um, the vet, the valor circle sorry, is free, that's all free, um, so no cost will ever be there. And then you have the limitless recovery tribe and you have the safe Haven Phoenix Center and you have Stucco Squad and Camp Stucco and I mean so much fun. I mean, and if I have fun creating them, I know your little ones are going to have the best time ever taking them. You know. I mean so, so much fun so much fun.
Speaker 2:so, going back way back in the beginning of this conversation, jump on um phoenix at a contagious smilecom for your, your story, uh, what you've gone through, what you're going through, and let let us get it out there in a compilation book it's so therapeutic to put it on paper, it really is. Y'all it's going to be. Just bring the bucket of tissues when, if you buy this book or if we choose to read it on air one night Like we read a story, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'd have a lot of trigger warnings definitely um. You can join our academy through our website there's a direct link on the top contagious smilecom. Or you can go to a contagious smilem, as in mary and as in nancyco.
Speaker 2:so a contagious smilemnco and please, y'all, keep supporting us and because we're supporting you buy us a cup of coffee. You know, support uh someone who needs uh scholarship I will tell you that we have donated oh, speaking of donation, I want to shout out to g Gary, who recently sent us a contribution. Thank you, gary. Thank you, gary. He's an awesome awesome guy.
Speaker 1:I will tell you that I have approved 51 courses alone just yesterday.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:That we gave away 51 courses. Wow, that's awesome. And so you know most people would have been like wow. So if you do the math at $5, you know you're talking about $255.
Speaker 2:But it's not about. It's about paying it forward.
Speaker 1:Right, and I'm saying that that's, all it would take is $255 in donations from people, which is like a $5 donation. Right, that's not even a power bill anymore. But like we right, um, that's not even a power bill anymore, but like we gave away that many people who are in need, right, that are just now coming to surface and saying I need help, can you help me? And they were not, um, it was, it was 50 stuck with sleeping. It was 51 individual um, and you know what I might be fabricating that in regards to that. It was 51 people and so they could have actually I actually give them free reign at that so they could have done 10 courses a piece. We don't know, I haven't gone back and looked at that yet. I've written down and it gives me the data on it. But 51 individual people got the go-ahead and clear, so they could have done 10 courses each. So I mean, that's 250 a person, right? You know the numbers are.
Speaker 2:And welcome everyone who's recently joined the academy. Absolutely, we try to reach out and welcome each and every one of y'all. Sometimes y'all slip through the cracks. When you know I have 20, you know within an hour when I have 20 within an hour. So I think that's our episode tonight of A Contagious Smile is Unstoppable with the lovely Victoria. She's still sexy as ever and StuckOnRusty here, says goodnight y'all and thank y'all for listening. And Michael is out also as soon as my wife clicks the mouse good night guys.
