How Matthew Dixon Recovered From Schizophrenia And Biked Across Canada

A schizophrenia diagnosis can feel like your life has been rewritten without your consent, and the hardest part is often the unknown: Will I get better, will I ever feel like myself again, and who will still see me as me? We talk with Matthew Dixon, who answers those questions with uncommon honesty, detail, and calm. He shares what it was like to go from university life to suicidal thoughts, psych ward stays, and years of disorienting mental pain and confusion, and how he kept going minute by minute when the days felt endless.

Matthew also breaks down what schizophrenia can actually feel like from the inside, including disorganised thinking, cognitive chaos, and a sense of being disconnected from your own life. We dig into stigma and the fear people carry, including the myth that treated schizophrenia automatically means violence, and why simple curiosity and better questions can change how we relate to mental illness. He explains why telling trusted people about his diagnosis sometimes brought relief rather than rejection, and we touch on relationships, community, and real resources that help.

Then the story opens up in a way you won’t forget: Matthew bicycled across Canada not once, but twice, with the second ride coming after years of slow recovery and a surprising turning point when his symptoms stopped. We also explore MindAid, his platform connecting mental health support groups and basic care options in developing countries, and the urgent realities of global mental health, including places where people are still chained due to lack of treatment. If you care about schizophrenia recovery, suicide prevention, mental health advocacy, and practical hope, this conversation belongs in your queue. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find stories like Matthew’s.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Good afternoon and welcome to another episode of a Contagious Smile Unstoppable. I have Matthew Dixon with me. I can't wait for you guys to meet this guy because he's just like when I've found out what he has done and who he is, it is so exciting. Because some people chase their goals, others rebuild themselves from the ground up and then go further than anyone ever thought possible. Matthew did both. He's the founder of My Day, the world's first platform connecting support groups for mental illness in developing countries, which I love this. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love this. He's also the first person, I can't wait to talk about this, living with schizophrenia who bicycled across Canada. Not once, but twice. His story is not about limitations. It's about what happens when you refuse to let a diagnosis define the distance you are capable of going, which is so much like me. This is why I can't wait to talk to him. Matthew is gonna stay with you long after this podcast is overdue, and we're gonna make sure y'all stay in contact. Matthew, thank you so much for finding time to come on here with us today.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Thank you so much for having me. This is this is wonderful. Looking forward to it.

The Diagnosis And Identity Shock

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Oh, I cannot wait. I love all of this. I I just am like, where do I want to go? So let's let's go back a little bit. You were diagnosed with schizophrenia. When you are identified with that, how how did that I don't like the word hit, but how how did that make you feel with your identity when you got that diagnosis?

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Yeah, that was tough. So I grew up in a small town in eastern Canada on the ocean, small seaside resort town, and had a pretty idyllic childhood. I didn't have any big plans for my life. I I just was going to school. I was a decent student and went off to university, but I could feel some symptoms creeping up in me or just changes in me. But this would have been like late 80s, early 90s, and I didn't know what mental illness was. I didn't know about depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, OCD. I knew about psychology. I'd heard the word psychology before. I knew about psyching somebody out in the sport field kind of thing. Um, I knew if you did things, I knew you could think wrong things and do wrong things, behave improperly, sort of thing. But these these things were sort of creeping up in me, and I went to get help for them. The doctor sent me for blood work, it came back fine, and he sort of sent me out the door. But I I I had these sort of things going on, and I told friends about them, but they didn't really say, oh, well, if they've been lasting for two weeks, you should probably go get help, like everyone says these days with mental illness.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

So I when the dis when it finally hit though, it it happened very quickly. I went through, I went from muddling through life a little bit for about five years through university, and then I started having suicidal thoughts, and I said, okay, that's not good. I should get that checked out. So I went back to get help again, and that's it, just really hit hard. It was a very confusing time. Also with schizophrenia, it's it's just very confusing to think anyway. So I was starting to just think in very confused ways. And so they I went to the hospital, the psych ward, they poked and prodded me for a little bit. And after a few weeks or so, they said, We think you've got schizophrenia. And I was like, Wow, what's that?

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Yeah, I was gonna ask you.

What Schizophrenia Can Feel Like

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Oh, yeah, it's just like wow, I it's just it's you you said don't use the word hit, but uh I I I don't know your reasons for that, but for me, it was really like just a bombshell going off in my life. Like, what what does this mean for me? I didn't know, and also I didn't know anybody who had schizophrenia, let alone gotten through it. I didn't know, you know, what the core the the course was like, like, you know, how does this progress? You know, am I gonna get better? My main thing was how long will it be before I get better if I get better? Am I gonna have this for the rest of my life? What does this mean? Will it get better partially? Like, there's just so many unknowns, and the unknown was very, very, very scary. So I asked a nurse in the hospital, like, if people get better from this, how how long might it take? And she said casually, sort of over her shoulder, while working on something else, oh, sometimes people take a couple of years before they feel like themselves again. And that's kind of all I had to go on. And there was very little literature on schizophrenia, at least that I had back then. I still find there's not a ton of literature on it. Not that I've gone super looking for it, but uh, if you look at in the bookstores, there's tons of stuff on depression and other bipolar that's that sort of stuff, but still not as many books about schizophrenia. Um, if you look for mental health advocates online, there are lots of them, but not as many with schizophrenia. So I, yeah, it's for my identity, I went from someone who had was a straight A student. I I didn't have super confidence as in my youth. I had some to a certain degree, but out of nowhere during the middle of university, before all this, while I was having some mild symptoms and before the disease hit hard, I somehow, for some reason bicycled across Canada with a group called Tour de Canada. They go across Canada every year. And that was that was an identity boost for me big time. So I went from like a big high like that to a couple years later to just, you know, what is this person with schizophrenia? What does that mean? And you know, I was living in a psych ward for the few years out. I lived in a psych ward for a few for about half a year or so, and then I went to a group home for three years. After that, after that, I was living on my own, doing work for the government, doing data entry. But I it was a real like living in a psych ward, you know. If I met somebody, I'd say, Oh, oh hi Matthew, how are you? What's up with you these days? I didn't want to have to tell them that I lived in a psych ward. That was that was just hard on my identity. And after that, in a group home, I just didn't want to have to tell people that. Yeah. And it's yeah, it's yeah, it's yeah, I I we can go to other questions, but I yeah, it's it was yeah, so like you said, there's not a lot out there about schizophrenia from a a person who has it point of view.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

What is schizophrenia and for people who don't know, and what is it like from its, you know, best phase that it can be to its worst?

Recovery And Symptoms Suddenly Ending

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Well, I'll skip to the best phase first. This is what I want people to know, especially those recently diagnosed, because I didn't know this until just recent years, but people can recover from it. And there was there's an article online called The Seven Myths of Schizophrenia that the head of the Schizophrenia Society of Canada director told me about. I can't find that article online anymore, but it said that the disease can leave later in life. And it didn't give like a date range for it. I'm 54 now. I got the disease at 22. Another stat I found just like a year ago was that uh 30% of people fully recover. Another, I don't know the exact stats, but another portion of them partially recover, and others have a difficult time through life. But it is possible to recover. And even if you can't fully recover with treatment, the pain can come down to more manageable levels. I, you know, when that pain seeps in, the mental pain, the anxiety, the depression, the just the gut-wrenching feelings. You don't I was fighting for every few minutes at a time, and my main goal is just to make it through the day. And but if and it's hard, so I know a guy who went through a small avalanche. He said, Matthew, I was in the dark, tumbling around, didn't know what was going to happen to me. Their GPS Garmin things told them they only went like maybe 400 meters in so many seconds. So they weren't under the snow for very long. But he said, Matt, when I was underneath the snow, I felt like it was going to last forever. And there's something about when really bad things happen, or even just when you're bored, time seems to drag. And I can't tell you how much time dragged for me. And but what I want to tell people is that the pain with treatment can come down to more manageable levels. It won't, it may not go away as fast as you want it, but it'll let you carry on for longer than you think, way longer. And that's something that's hard to think about, especially when you're recently diagnosed and that pain seeps in. For symptoms, the one of the main ones is hallucinations. 25% of people with schizophrenia don't have hallucinations. And I was one of those. I've never hallucinated. For those who have them, they can be any of the five senses. Typically, they're you see things and hear things that aren't there, but they can be touch, taste, and smell as as well. Sometimes they're for the most part relentlessly tormenting people. Like I know a guy with schizophrenia, he had uh for 25 years, just voices in his head telling him horrible things about himself all day long, like like while he's putting his shoes on, while he's eating, just nonstop for 25 years. And I was very thankful not to have those. Sometimes they can be beautiful things. People see beautiful things in the sky, but they can be harsh. So for other symptoms, disorganized thinking is a main one. It was very hard for me to think properly, properly. It was I was bombarded by a lot of stimuli, uh, just my thoughts and also just visually and sounds. It's like it's like a your GPS part of your brain or your geolocation or something goes off in your mind. And I'm no neuroscientist, but that's what it felt like. And that's sort of the organization. It's like if you're reading for your thoughts, if it's like if you're reading a book and every single word in the book is out of order. It just, it's just a lot of it's just hard to make sense of things. There's another part of your brain that ticks along just fine, and other people's schizophrenia say this. You wake up in the morning, and yes, you're bombarded by a lot of thoughts and you're and you're not feeling good, but you think you still have some thoughts of, well, what should I do today? Should I go for a walk? What should I have for lunch today? Should I you can have larger decisions like should I go back to school? Should I switch jobs? Should I do this? Should I do that? But it's kind of like you're having a conversation inside a tornado. It's just a lot of chaos while you're trying to do all this regular stuff. So yeah, it's uh disorganized thinking. Another way of putting it is it's hard to think generally. I could think specifically, but not generally. It's it was hard to have sort of overall concepts of things. It was hard to think, it was hard to have intangible thought as well. It was hard to think about, I guess, I guess concepts is the same thing for that too. It was just a lot of very specific things and just sort of all out of order. And yeah, visually, it felt like I was watching my life through, like watching my life on TV on the Zoom. I know with Zoom now we can interact with people on the screen, but when you're watching TV, you can't interact with people on the screen. You just sort of watch it, you're very passive, you can't get involved in it. And that's how it felt like my my life was. I couldn't, it was hard to interact with people, it was hard to talk and speak, and there's just something missing. I didn't feel like there was that human connection where you just sort of know where to pause. Like I didn't get that. I a lot of people say you you just kind of sort of are more robotic in how you talk and speak. And yeah, it's and visually it felt like I was watching my life from somewhere else. Like I wasn't in in my life. I just felt very disconnected from it.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Matthew, where are you today in your diagnosis of this disease?

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Well, I noticed an improvement in my mental health every single week for 27 years, from 1994 when it first hit me, until 2021. One day in 2021, it just stopped. My symptoms just stopped. And the last five years I've been in a state of shock processing as I get to think about my life and what I've been through. And for for those 27 years of improvements, I did uh have time to think about my life and whatnot. But the last five years have been different because it's from a place of peace and contentment, but still there's this sort of shock shock that has been wearing off over the last five years. And it's it's I get to think like, whoa, wow, what did I just go through? So it's the last five years, I've actually been able to look into the rear view mirror and look at my life, but I but sometimes I can't look at it for too long because it's kind of scary. It's like it's like being chased by a grizzly bear. You're in the woods, branches are slapping in your face, you're scared you're gonna die. And then one day it just has you don't hear it behind you anymore. It's it's but you're you're still like sort of wondering, is it around me? Is it is it gonna come back and get me? And that's sort of where I've been, just sort of walking back home out of the woods for you know the last five years or so. But it's the shock is slowly wearing off day by day, week by week, the last five years. And it's just you know wonderful where I am these days because it's I I I get to I just get to think, I get to feel, I get to enjoy life again. It's you know, in 2023, I I had the mental health to bicycle across Canada again. I I talked to people about that for years. I probably just made them go crazy for how much I talked about wanting to do that trip again. But I did, and I was just over the moon about that. Yeah, it was we can talk about that later, but yeah, that's that's sort of where I am. I'm I'm doing very well. There's, you know, I'm I'm in the normal range. I still get upset about things. Sometimes I'm bored, sometimes I'm tired, but it's nice to be, it's nice to be in that normal range again.

Surviving Suicidal Thoughts And Confusion

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Sure. Wow. When you first before, let's go back a little bit. Before you were actually diagnosed with schizophrenia, what was your day like? Because I know so many people are listening to this and they are trying to resonate with, I know something's going on. I'm not crazy, but something's not right. What is going on with me? What do I need to do? I just feel miscombobulated with everything that's going on. What where were you with that? Maybe people can relate better. You go and they're like, here's a pill, you're autistic, here's this, here's that. And they don't want to listen. They don't want to take the time to listen to us. We're, you know, a case number, a patient number, an insurance claim, but we're people and you know, they don't want to take that time. And so I love that you're on here and you're so open, and I can't thank you enough for that. But for people who are listening, going, oh, this is the closest I've gotten to hearing something that resonates with what I'm going through and what I'm enduring. So, what was it like for you before you got your diagnosis?

SPEAKER_00 15:39

It was it was confusing. I could still do stuff, like the symptoms weren't that bad. Like I was still getting good marks in school. I was taking engineering. I biked across Canada, I was on the university rowing team, but it was just confusing. Like I had these symptoms, and it might be easier for me to answer this question once I got diagnosed, once the pain set in. I I don't know what you're looking for in the question, but for the discombobulated, that's what was really confusing for me. Like, what does this mean for me? There was there was a real sense of just helplessness. Like I felt like every it was hard to fight through each second in my worst year, my worst years. It was just, you know, I need something to do, and I couldn't do anything. It it I couldn't just sit there and exist. It was so hard to me to push through to keep existing, to fight for each moment. There's a lot of fighting, uh, just to push myself, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. There's a lot of battle cries in my head. You know, it's like, come on, Matthew, you got keep going, keep going. No, I don't want to, I don't, I can't do this. You gotta keep going, you gotta, you gotta keep going. And that's sort of how my all day long was like for me. And it it's it's tough, but it's Navy SEALs are taught in their training that you're capable of 20 times more than you think you are. And I'm no Navy SEAL, I've read some books on them for their mindset. Mark Devine is a great author for that. But he says, I felt that guy was trained in a certain way for that. It's it's just we're capable of so much more than we think we are. And if you told me that I'd lasted 30 years plus with this disease back when it first hit, I'm like, how can I do that? But you just do it when when when you're put in these situations, minute by minute, second by second, day by day, year by year, you just keep going. And I know some people it's hard and it's tough, but I I just want to encourage you for people who are struggling to who are thinking, you know, how can I keep going through this? I really want you to encourage you to keep going. You never know what's going to happen, you never know what the future may bring. We don't know what medical discoveries are going to find this year, 2026. I mean, look at the last 20 years. I mean, all the articles that have come out on all these discoveries, there there are armies of people going into work every day, into labs and and all sorts of things, working on ways to help us with mental illness, with you name it, all sorts of ailments in the world. And we can forget about that when we're depressed. I was like that. I'm like, oh, I'm probably be like this forever. But when you get out of that, I'm a voice from the other side right now. And I can try to give you a voice that you may not have in your head because I didn't have it in my head as much as I wanted. There's hope. We can we you can just keep going. And I know with mental, I mean, cancer, cancer might kill you, and there's nothing you can do about it, it just does it, even though we've with all the best treatment. With mental illness, it won't. It forces us to do it, but it it so if that's any hope, any help for anybody out there, if you can just keep going, there are so many times where I'm like, I don't know how I can do this, I don't know how I'm gonna get it through the next few minutes. But if you just sit there and and and even though you have to feel that pain, that unknown, that questioning, like I what's gonna happen here? It's just keep sitting with it because things just keep happening. There are there are so many things going on in the world right now. It's this, it's this, and I want to stress it, it's it's it's magical. Life is magical, magical. You can't see it when you're when you're sick, but it's out there all day long, even though you can't see it. It's all around us all day long. There's there's horrible things going on in the world and beautiful things every single day. And in your life, there are there are just things happening. The phrase the universe has your back is true. And there are things, you know, wait five minutes if you're struggling, wait 10 minutes, wait 20 minutes and 30 minutes. You know, you might get a call from somebody, oh, you know, I hear I can help with this. There, there's just things that just keep happening. Life keeps keeps happening. There's so many things going on in everybody's life, and it can seem like there's nothing happening, there's no way out. Kevin Hines, a suicide prevention advocate, said that when he's in trouble, he says, I say to the first person I to someone I feel trusting that I trust, he says, like if he's in an airport, he'll go up to an official and say, I need help now. That's his phrase, I need help now. And yeah, it's uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Did you choose to reside in an institution for that period of time and then move into a group home? What was your thinking and and why did you choose to do this?

SPEAKER_00 20:54

There are there's I read a book saying that people who are sick for any sort of in the hospital for any reason, oftentimes people don't want to tell them what's going on, so they don't burden them. But that that actually backfires because it just makes the person more unknown and just sort of confuses them more. So for me, not a lot of things were told to me about the decisions being made. They just kind of said, here, Matthew, go here, here, Matthew, go here. So with when I was in the psych ward, I I took myself there. I did not want to take my life, but I was scared I might. So those were that that was the reason I went to the psych ward. And I went in there about six times or so in 1994. I I wanted to go in each time. And I was in there, and when they said it was okay for me to leave, they let me go. I just sort of listened to them for that. And I don't know their sort of reasoning. They just said, okay, you can go now. Like, okay, I don't really know. And then how I got into the group home, I don't know. I just I sort of went. They said, there's a spot in a group home, you can live here. And I was in there for three years. And one day they said, Matthew, you can you can leave now. Like, okay. I I wasn't really involved in those decisions. So in I was in a suicide watch room in the psych ward, I don't know, two or three times or so for I don't know, a day or a few days, something like that. But other than that, I was just in the main floor of the psych ward. And yeah, yeah, just a that was my experience.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Matthew, why do you think so many people here, oh, he has schizophrenia, he's schizophrenic, and people are like, oh, and they just don't even want to interact with people with schizophrenia? I mean, I could sit and talk to you all day long every day, and I would be happy as a clam. I mean, why do you think that society has this stigma on them? They're like, oh, he's schizophrenic, and everybody honestly at that point just doesn't even want to interact with that individual. I I mean, I a lot of the beautiful people I get to talk to every day and counsel and support, you know, they have something going on. A lot of them are trauma survivors from sexual assault or domestic violence. And you're you're like, you're such a beautiful soul. You realize and appreciate every moment of life, you know. But why do you think society has this stigma that it's like, oh, you have a mental illness, you have schizophrenia, and then everybody just kind of like thinks you have the plague and you're gonna give it to them. Why do you think that people do that?

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Well, we couldn't talk about mental illness for so long, schizophrenia included, and a lot of us just didn't talk about that. I mean, that's centuries, maybe millennia of of treatment of people like that. I mean, the the the world we're in now with the the ability to to talk publicly about mental illness. Look, we're on a podcast talking about mental illness. Wow. 20 years ago? Never happened. No, no, it's it's amazing. It's we still have a lot of work to do, room to grow, but man, it's a nice place where we are now. With schizophrenia, I the stats are people with schizophrenia are no more prone to violence than the rest of the general population. The BC schizophrenia, the British Columbia Schizophrenia Society is says that people with untreated schizophrenia can have somewhat higher rates of violence. And there, I've been talking with them to try to find what that rate is, and they've been looking at certain studies. It's sort of hard to find what that rate is for untreated schizophrenia. It's it's it's quite nuanced, complicated, different ways of studying it. And but for people with treated schizophrenia, they are no more prone to violence than the rest of the general general population. And I didn't know that until about maybe six or six or so years into my recovery. And when I found that stat, I just breathed a sigh of relief because I never had any thoughts of hurting anybody. It's the last thing I wanted to do. I never wanted to do that at all. I never played hockey in high school because I didn't like fighting. I've never thrown a punch, never been in a fight. I don't like any of that stuff. And schizophrenia didn't change any of that. So I was just scared I might take my own life. That's it. So yeah, it's my experience with it though, is so when I was in after I was out of the group home, so after about four years of the psych ward in the group home, I got a job doing data entry with the government department and I started meeting regular people outside the mental health system. I was so happy to be out in the regular world. And yeah, it was, but what I found was, and I don't I don't and I don't know where this came from. I just found I I've I was a lot happier if I told people what I had. And I sort of sniffed people out because back in the 90s when I first got the job, you just didn't walk, you couldn't talk about mental illness publicly. So I was I sort of sniffed people out, but fairly soon after getting to know them, I'd say, yeah, like I've got this schizophrenia thing going on. And I did that for many, many years. I, you know, I still do it today. So it's I I just found that people didn't give me a hard time about it. I've never really had a hard time. I mean, maybe there are people who heard I had it because I was fairly you know, word spreads in in in public circles. And but if if someone didn't want to talk to me, well, I didn't really hear about it. I didn't really get it, I didn't get a hard time from people. My friends growing up never gave me a hard time. I found it was I I find that it's hard for people to know what to say to you to talk about, because it's an intense situation and going through it, it's intense. It's sort of like watching someone slay a dragon in a movie versus you being in there with that hero, slaying the dragon with them. Do you want to jump in and help them, or do you just want to hear the story about it later? It it's just intense, it's a very intense situation, and it's hard for people to sort of stick by you or or understand what's going on. And I find people sort of I I sort of will start yakking on about it when I'm talking to people, sort of telling them this is what it's like. So I sort of do the work for them. If they have questions, maybe I've answered them for them, or maybe they think I've been talking, you know, I've got to get on with my regular life. Now we've been talking about this for a while. But I find I I would be happier if more people asked me questions about it and sort of led the conversation that way. But yeah, I I found people open about it. And I just felt very relieved. Once I felt, once I the co-workers and whatnot, I just felt to be more relieved. But yeah, I did walk around thinking, you know, what if people, you know, knew I had this, you know, what would they think? It's and that is also comes from the disease too, like the confusion and the depression giving you negative thoughts. It's just a lot of just a lot of stuff going on in your head all at once. And it's hard to sort of sort through it, put it into categories, okay. This, this, this, this. It's just just a lot of things coming at you at once. So, but that's sort of my experience.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Matthew, does that allow you to have like a partner, a significant other in your life?

SPEAKER_00 28:24

People do. For some reason, not with me. I've never ever been in a relationship, but other people with schizophrenia do.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

Never had a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 28:33

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

I think you're so sweet and charming.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Thank you. Thank you. I know some of my friends say you're 54. Like, how is that possible?

SPEAKER_02 28:44

You're waiting for the right one. That's what it is. You're waiting for the right one. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I like, I just I don't see how somebody hasn't gotten you because you're just charming and easy to talk to and intelligent.

Bicycling Across Canada Twice

SPEAKER_00 28:58

Thank you. Yeah. I mean, I've talked to you know, some of my lady friends that say, you know, Matthew, I'd be much happier if I hadn't gone through the relationships I had. Like you were so lucky not to have to go through them. So there's that aspect of it too. But thank you for that. Oh, of course. Yeah, there's a lady, uh, Lauren Kennedy, she's got a YouTube channel called Living Well with Schizophrenia. She talks about her relationship with her husband and whatnot. So that's a great resource for people who want to know more about relationships and schizophrenia, plus just schizophrenia in general. She's a great resource for all things schizophrenia on that. I really like her YouTube channel.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

When you rode across Canada for the second time in 2023, was there a moment when you thought you couldn't do this? Or you were like, I got this the whole way there?

SPEAKER_00 29:48

You never know. So both trips were daunting. The first time when I was, I signed up for the first trip when I was 19. Some people thought I was a bit too young to do that, but there are teenagers, late people in their late teenagers who go off on their own to bike across vast distances. I saw a family, a Japanese family, biking across Canada that year. And they had one of their young kids who was 12, who was biking on a small bike, biking from Toronto to Vancouver. They did shorter distances, like 80 kilometers a day. But just saying it's not as hard as you think. If someone 12 can do it, right? Yeah. So, but it's daunting. The first time I did it, I thought, oh my gosh, what am I doing? What am I doing? And the second time when I did it, the exact same feeling. I'm like, I can't believe I'm I haven't had this feeling in 31 years. I can't believe I'm getting the same feeling again. This is incredible. How how can the body not have the same a feeling for it's just weird? But it's just this sort of very alive, sort of what's good, what's gonna happen? Yeah, what's gonna happen to me? I've got to keep my wits about me. Yeah, and it's daunting. It's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm gonna do this.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

How long did it take you?

SPEAKER_00 31:07

Just to finish to answer your question totally here. I I was like 99% sure I could do it the second time. I just I was like, I I I want to do this. I I don't know for sure if I'll make it across because you know, trucks can hit you, sort of thing. But I was like, I was chomping in the bed. It felt like I would gotten out of jail. I finally had the health to do this. I just boom, go. I'm just running, running out those prison doors.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

How long did it take you to do the entire bike ride?

SPEAKER_00 31:38

So two months the first time, because that's what their organized trip does from the first day of school to the last day of school because a lot of teachers want to do the trip. I took three months the second time because I went the whole way across Newfoundland to another 900 kilometers. Yeah. And yeah. Fun fact the world record for biking from Vancouver to Halifax is 13 days.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

Wait, what? 13 days?

SPEAKER_00 32:06

13 days, believe it or not. You can look it up online.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

No, I believe it. That's that's oh my oof.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Yeah, it's like it's like 500 kilometers a day. That's yeah. Wow. Yeah. I was biking at about 20 kilometers a day, 20 kilometers an hour for like eight hours a day kind of thing. But lots of bikers can get up to like 36, 37 kilometers an hour. The Tour de France winter is 40 kilometers an hour. So that's sort of like double what most people do on their bike. And if you're biking for like twice the time, like 15 hours a day, you can cover a lot of ground in one day, believe it or not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

13 days.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

I'm like, oh yeah, that I biked across Canada. When I heard that 13 days, that blew me away.

MindAid And Global Mental Health Access

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Like, that's where I am right now. I'm like, oh wow, 13 days. Good grief. Okay, I have to talk about mind aid for a minute. I am just I love this. You built mind aid to solve a problem that most people don't even know exists. Did you see what did you see that others were overlooking not to be able to see this to create this such needed opportunity for people?

SPEAKER_00 33:25

Well, first off, when the disease first hit me a lot like in '94, my heart went out to people in war-torn countries, extreme poverty, who had mental illness as well. I'm like, how do you do that? I I was going through mental illness in Canada with a, you know, sort of so-so mental health care system compared to where it could be. But uh, you know, I'd definitely rather go through mental illness in Canada than some other countries in the world. But I don't know why I never went looking for information on mental health in developing countries. I never went looking for it, and I do not know why. But in 2017, um, a TED talk burbled up into my feed on mental health in developing countries by Vikram Patel. And he talked about how in the 90s they made models of basic mental health care for people in developing countries. And it was modeled after the for many decades they'd had books for basic physical health care, where there is no doctor around for hundreds of miles or no hospital. How do you treat a broken leg? How do you treat all these physical things? Deliver a baby, that kind of stuff, broken leg. And so now they have these models of basic mental health care. They're low cost, they're proven effective, and they're scalable. And I so I started, well, I like learning stuff. I looking, you know, researching a topic sort of thing. So I went looking for groups on this who are doing this work, and I realized that they were relatively small. I did find an article on, and I can't find it again. I wish I had it. It was explaining why the large groups like UNICEF and like like those, they didn't work on mental health and they had their reasons why. It was it is more complicated. And I I couldn't remember all the the whole process there of why they don't. But there are have been since the 90s smaller groups, uh like budgets of you know a few million dollars sort of thing for the year of varying sizes, some larger than that. But there are now about 20 or so groups like that. And and there are there are other groups too, but I and there are more keep coming along as time goes on. But I thought, well, wait a minute, they're all sort of scattered across the web. What if I put them all on one site where people could find them more easily to pick and choose from them? And that's basically all my website is. It's just a simple curation site at its essence. But I I so I did. I, this was in 2018 when I made the website. I was nervous, phoning website designer. Oh my gosh, am I gonna put something out online? Because I stayed offline for a long time. I didn't get on social media. You know, I'd surf the web, I had an email address, but that was about it. And and here I was sort of saying, Oh, am I going to be a promoter for mental health in developing countries? Am I going to be an advocate? Sort of thing, because I didn't I hadn't done a lot of advocacy work for schizophrenia or mental health in general, even though I'd been reading a lot of books on how to do that. So yeah, somewhere along the line in my recovery, I guess you could say it was because I was reading all these books on how to make myself better. And one of the things it said is if you Martin Seligman in his TED Talk says one of the best predictors of long-term life satisfaction is helping other people, philanthropy, helping in animals, the environment, whatever cause, being of service to something larger than yourself. I read that many years ago. So I started reading, well, maybe someday I could get into advocacy work and for mental health, so in public speaking. So I was reading tons of books on how to do that, but I didn't have the courage, the mental health, the strength to actually take action on it. So I read a lot of books for a long time. And then in 2018, I put my website out and I just slowly, one by one, slowly got into Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram and YouTube, getting onto podcasts, doing some public speaking. And it is very step by step, little by little. That's how my whole recovery went, just baby steps along the way. And it's something I'm still doing today. It's just if if it doesn't stress me out, I will do it. But I still sort of I'm always conscious of my my mental health because I'm I've recovered, but I'm not cured. I still take my medication. I I would hate to think what would happen if I go off my medication. And I'm just, I know a lot of people do not want to be on medication for me. I'm like, if if all I have to do is pop a pill, bring it on. Because it's it's it's helped me. And with more severe mental illness like schizophrenia, they say medication is is a way to go. Lauren Kennedy talks about a ketogenic diet or something that's helping her without meds, but but I don't want to talk about that too much because it's just not something I'm familiar with. Just going off your meds. I'm for me, I'm I'm like, I want to stay in it. So yeah, one of the things that I want to throw out about MindAid is the fact that some people with mental illness in developing countries are actually kept in chains. They're tied to a tree, tied to a bed, and there are groups that are helping them. They go in and they unchain them and they get the mental health treatment. So it's yeah, it's some psychiatry, some some countries have only one psychiatrist per million people. It's it's staggering. So I really want to promote these groups because I so if there's ever a time where mental health in developing countries could take off, it's now. We couldn't talk about mental like in here in Canada in 2010, the Bell phone program made a phone company made a program called Let's Talk about Mental Health. That was in 2010. And every year they promoted this day for Let's Talk About Mental Health. That was the first time that we were talking publicly about mental health. But in 2020, with the pandemic, when we started talking about mental health full blown, you know I made my date in 2018. And because we couldn't talk about mental health anywhere back then, it was still sort of we were talking about it somewhat, you know, we're getting, but there's still sort of this we can't totally talk about it, you know. We're sort of hush-hush about it. Yeah, but now we can if and for from mental, I mean, we get for decades, we get uh helping people in developing countries, you know, in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, we would sponsor a child in in Ethiopia. We would, you know, do all these things, send them, you know, drill a well, build a school. We can do that now. We can talk about mental health in developing countries now. We can get, I mean, think of all the people who would want to donate if they simply knew about it and where to go to help.

What To Say In A Dark Place

SPEAKER_02 40:06

That's what I want to help do, because being what you just said, everything you've said is has resonated so intensely with me. But just saying that somebody is being chained to a tree and to a bed because of something that is not fair. It's not their fault. It's not there, they don't need to be punished because of something that it's not like I am I am really trying not to cry because it's not fair, it's not right. It's it's not nothing justifies that in it to me to go and do that to another human being, right? That's why like I built the academy, is because people, you know, I have a doctorate, but I don't tell people because I don't want people to say, oh, you're dying, you know, because of white coat syndrome. But it's like I honestly, Matthew, when people say, oh, your class is only$5. It's probably crap. It's not worth anything. They're valued at hundreds of dollars, but I don't believe your bank account should warrant you getting the mental health that you need. Like you need it. I'm gonna do everything I can to help you. And to know that there are people over there in other countries in this world, and you know, that we are in a world and you're in a and they are being chained up for something that is not their fault absolutely makes you like it just made my stomach just queasy because it's not fair, right? They need help. And if they got the help that they needed, they wouldn't have to do that. Just, you know, that could be somebody else. The person that chained them, that could be them one day. And to do that to another living person is just heart wrenching to me. Like my heart dropped when you said that. And if somebody is listening, like I am just thrown. If somebody is listening right now and they're in a very dark place, because I tell people all the time, Matthew, like for women that are going through abuse, and and I say to people all the time, you have survived 100% of your worst days, and that is an amazing track record. So on today, if you have five minutes of 10 minutes where it's really bad, think back to those days where it was two hours of really bad, five hours of really bad. And this is what I tell people all the time, you survived 100%, right? That is an amazing track record. You're a warrior. But if somebody right now is listening, and I tell people all the time, put your ear pods in or whatever, you know, materialistic title you put your beats or your iPod or whatever, in your ears, and and you're listening, and someone's in a really dark place right now, and they think that it's over for them, and nobody else has said something to them that you can say to them right now, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_00 42:59

I would say when I was in my worst days in the hospital on the sideboard, I felt about every day or so I'd have to just talk to somebody. I just need to talk to somebody to get what's off my chest. And there was a lady in there, a nurse, and she listened to me. She just absolutely listened to me. And at the end she said, after I'd gotten everything out, she said, I think you're doing the best you can. Hang in there. And I can't tell you how much better that made me feel. Just a few simple words. Just it's I don't have the time to listen to everybody. It's impossible to listen to the millions in minds of people with mental illness or disability or anybody going through a hard time. I'll there are just a few words, but I'll say them to you now. Just I think you're doing the best you can and hang in there. Just keep hanging in there. It's uh I you're a wonderful wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful person. You're a magical person. There's so many things going on in your body right now. All these cells, the body, if you you start looking into all the mechanisms of it, it's just absolutely incredible. And it's hard to think about that when you when you're thinking of leaving the world. And I just want to say that there's a place for you here. There's a place for you here. We need you. And it may feel like nobody needs you, but you're needed. You're needed, you're needed, you're needed, you're needed, you're needed. And I I know I can't save everybody, but I want to say that anyway, because I I just think because everybody is needed. Everybody is. No matter what, no matter what you've done, no matter what what you've been through. And maybe if you're suffering with guilt for things you have done, there's uh there's a book called So You've Been Publicly Shamed by I think his name's Ron Jensen. Ron Johnson, Ron Jensen, I think. And it talks about people who've who've had to go through shame and how to get through it. And Alex Rodriguez, the baseball player, he had show called, I can't think of the name right now, back in the back in the game. He takes people, athletes, celebrities who've been publicly shamed and teaches them how to get back into life again. And it's he and basically it's like saying sorry for what you've done and just saying I'm gonna try to help other people now. It comes back to what I said earlier, helping being uh Arnold Schwarzenegger has a book called Be Useful. Um, and I know it's hard when you're when you're if you're sick and you haven't done anything wrong and you're thinking, you know, why you know I when it when when when you can't get out of bed, when you're just sitting in bed all day. Well, I'm gonna congratulate you. Like you, like you just said, Victoria, about how what you there I heard a mental illness advocate say, your recovery is an amazing accomplishment, just like what you said. It's an amazing accomplishment. And Carrie Fisher, this the Hollywood actress, she had bipolar and she said, people with bipolar with mental illness should be given medals and awards for what they've what they're going through. Medals and awards. They should be having ceremonies with world leaders pinning these medals on your chest, uh, giving you trophies. You should have stadiums full of medals, awards, and trophies, stadiums just full of them for all the miracles, the seemingly impossible things you've been through day by day by day by day for years. And I just want to congratulate you for all of that. It's it's it's remarkable. And you may not be able to see all that. One day you might be able to say, wow, I did all that. The other thing is that you may think that, well, I can't do anything because I'm sick. Well, I know, I get it, but I still want to encourage you to do maybe some things that you do anyway. And you could say, well, if I do that, I'm not gonna enjoy it because I'm sick. Well, I want you to do it anyway. I did some things. A lot of times I couldn't do things. A lot of times I was I was just sitting there, couldn't do anything. And but there were some times where I did some things where you know I donated. I said, okay, I'm gonna donate. I, you know, I sponsored a child in Ethiopia years ago. And I went on a few plane rides out to the west coast of Canada from the East Coast. And even though like I was on this trip and I could say, Oh, I uh, you know, I'm not having fun, like I'm sick right now. It's like going to Disney while you're getting chemotherapy. Or, you know, I hear I'm sending a check in the mail to someone in Ethiopia, but I can't feel any pleasure from it because I'm just depressed. I encourage you to do those things anyway, because they register. You don't, you you might not be able to feel it, register in you, but it registers. It's something you can say, something you can say at least to yourself, if not to anyone else, that I, you know, I'm I'm doing this, I did this, I did this. And they all add up. All these little things add up. They're just they're little factors in your life, little, little factors, and they can help get you better, help build your self-esteem. Well, you know, maybe if I did this, maybe I could do something, you know, more. You know, how much can I can I tackle on? And for me, it was uh like walking on a tightrope where just it's a very balancing act. Like I want to do some, I want to take on something, but I want to I don't want to take on too much. So it's always just sort of balancing out that. But that that's that's my advice.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

Matthew, you've got to tell everybody how to find you. I want to make sure I get it all in the show notes for you as well. And I want to talk to you a minute when when we finish up the episode. You have been such a light. It has been my honor to have you on. I would have you back anytime you want to come on. It is so eye-opening. I want to do whatever we can from a contagious smile point of view to help bring awareness and help with your mind aid. I I can't thank you enough personally for what you do and what you're doing it for. You, I hope you see yourself the way I see you. I really do, because I think you're remarkable. I think you're amazing.

SPEAKER_00 49:20

Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 49:22

So tell everybody where they can find you. I'll make sure it's in the show notes as well.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Yeah. So you mentioned about the your$5 courses. I haven't mentioned this online much really, because I it's for me, I still struggle to ask for what I want sometimes. I've struggled like you for a long time with charging my help for people. I've tried to give a lot away of it for free. I'm still trying to make an income for myself. I've had regular jobs the last so many years, like mowing lawns, serving pizza, driving people around kind of thing. And it's hurt me because I know there's so many people I'm not reaching. And but I it's hard for me to charge for stuff. Even public speaking, it's hard for me to just just do that full time because it's not a steady income. And it's hard for me to charge lots of money. I just really struggled with the whole money thing versus giving it away for free. I have thought of I have a Patreon page. I've got one one subscriber or follower on there. And if I could make like$2,000 a month, like 40 people giving 50 bucks a month, or 200 people giving 10 bucks a month, I could work on this full time. And I I can get on podcasts. I I use I use PodMatch. It's there's lots of other ways to get on podcasts, but I love it. Podcasts are so easy for me. Jane Goodall, when she was in lockdown through the pandemic, she was giving like about three three interviews a day virtually. And I would love to do that instead of going to doing these regular jobs that I have to do. And it's uh it's been frustrating, frustrating for me. I just want to throw that out there for anyone listening. That could help me reach a lot more people. And my website is mindaid.ca, m-in-d-a-i-d.ca. That's where everything is. And like I said, I'm on YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and others. And people can follow me there. My ask for people, the groups that are helping people with mental illness in developing countries, they can sometimes their donation pages sometimes take as little as like$3 a month for donations. I I know one lady, I don't know how to reach her. She she gives me every now and then on my PayPal donation page, like a dollar twenty from she's in Australia. And I'm like, I just can't get over that. Like, thank you so much. I I I'm guessing she doesn't have much money, but she wants to help. I'm just over the moon about that. But yeah, those those donate the donation pages, the the the charities that help people with basic mental health care are listed on the MindAid page. If you don't have money to donate to them, they have Facebook pages, you can share their post, simply talking about it, making more people aware. Because I'm thinking, you know, how many people today would donate if they knew this existed and where to go to help? Like there are millions of people donating to people in mental illness in developing countries for a wide range of reasons. How many more would donate for mental illness? So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Well, I can't thank you enough. Would you please come back on again?

SPEAKER_00 52:28

I'd love to. Thank you so much. I really, really enjoyed this.

SPEAKER_02 52:31

I loved it. All right, thank you so much. I appreciate it.