We Cannot Keep Pouring Into People Who Never Pour Back

Some people call you a friend, then disappear the second you stop being convenient. We get blunt about that kind of fake loyalty and what it does to your trust, your energy, and your peace. From old work “friends” who vanish to the constant drain of being the dependable one, we talk about how to spot the pattern early and set boundaries without turning cold.

Then we shift to what real love looks like when it’s lived out, not posted. We tell the story of our daughter Faith saving her change, going to the mall, and spending her money on a gift for her mom with layers of meaning, memories, and care. The Build-A-Bear details, the scents, the symbols, the voice message, all of it becomes a reminder that time and thought matter more than status, cars, or the number in a bank account. We also reflect on family traditions like movie nights and why presence is the thing you can never buy back.

We also go raw on trauma recovery, PTSD, scars, and body dysphoria after abuse. Trying on clothes can feel like a fight with a mirror, especially when old cruelty still echoes years later. Along the way, we share what’s going on at home too: chronic pain, an upcoming surgery, the everyday humor that keeps us grounded, and why we’re building Stronger Than a Mountain while continuing the work behind Contagious Smiles.

If any part of this hit home, listen, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one boundary you wish you’d set sooner?

Transcript

Welcome Back And Home Banter

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Wait. I see a week, woman. Howdy, y'all. Welcome to another episode of Contagious Smiles and Stop Bowl with Michael Victoria. And I'm currently petting my dog Amber. And that's why I said, wait, y'all, I'm not ready yet.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

And Stucco, my sweet love, is behind us. Welcome back, Michael. What? You've been MIA for a good minute.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

You have. You haven't podcasted in a while. Whatever. I've been here. We just had one the other day. Okay, and then we didn't have any for the world. I was roasted. Oh, that was fun. That was fantastic. Hey, by the way, before we even get started, I have to take a moment and thank you.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Because Right, like, how do you gonna thank me?

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Shut up.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Because I can think of several position uh ways you could thank me.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Nope, not even close.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Because my husband warms the toilet seat for me when I have to use the restroom. Because he sits on it, his throne, and sits on it for like at least 45 minutes and TikToks.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

You know what? I'm gonna make that one of my t-shirts that I make up.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

And when I finally get to go back and use our bathroom, the seat is warm. It's still not changed to the new toilet seat because you cracked the seat from sitting on it for so long. But it's warm.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

You're very welcome.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Well, it's great in the winter, but not so much in the summer.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Hi, Amber.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Mom's making fun of me.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

That's Faith's baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

All right. What do you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Crickets.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Crickets.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

I haven't eaten crickets, but I heard they're good.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

That's disgusting.

The Stray Husky And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 1:46

So yesterday, my husband runs out because we think our neighbor's husky is on the run. So he runs out and gets this dog, who is not our neighbor's dog, and decides to say, babe, we're getting another dog. And I'm like, oh no, we're not. Because see, if you look on the cameras right there, babe, you'll see River just chilling like a villain down there. And we have four. We have four already. And he brings, and don't get me wrong, this husky was beautiful. Hey, Rusty. This husk husky was beautiful, beautiful ice, ice, ice blue eyes. However, we had no idea if it had rabies or anything. What are you looking at me like that for?

SPEAKER_01 2:32

I don't know if a dog has rabies. Well, this one was well groomed, very clean, well groomed.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Very young. So I was like, we need to give her give him some water and food, which we did. And then he would leave, and he always found his way back here. And then he would stare at the front door and just stare and just stare and just stare. And I'm like, nope, nope. We cannot take a fifth dog. There is no freaking way.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

We could.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

No. Well, he he hopefully found his owner. So we're hoping that for the best. So bunch of stuff's going on. Crazy busy, crazy busy. Like anything else is new, right? But I

When People Only Take

SPEAKER_00 3:12

want to talk about for once, just for a minute, how inconsiderate and rude some people can be. Because for instance, through our lives, like let's just go back to when you wore a uniform. You had people that pretended to be your buddy all the time because of what they thought they could get. And I'm not talking about all your little whatever infidelity, but I'm talking about like people thought, oh, I'm gonna keep him as a buddy and then have him in my pocket whenever I need him, right? So then when you left the force, how many of those people were still your friends?

SPEAKER_01 3:59

I could back then I could call on two.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

The two I'm thinking of?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yeah. Out out of hundreds.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

And then when you left that stupid season place that fired you for FMLA.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Zero.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

And you were with them for years and years, and you were their top reviewing person. You got more five-star reviews than anybody in their history. And then they say they're a family business and they're all about family, but then fire you because of FMLA, which is just mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

So how many of those people talk to you?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Zero.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Okay. You were there for years and years. So even people that we thought were friends, and say, Hey, I'm here for you, you know, y'all are such good people. You're the kind of people I want in my life, blah, blah, blah, blah. They take, they take, they take, and they take, and then they they never want to give. If you ask them for anything, regardless, you're not gonna get it. And it's not just to us. I mean, I'm I'm treating a patient right now, who, or a client right now, rather, who's going through the same thing. And she's like, I give everything I can, and it's give, give, give, and then all of a sudden they don't need me, and then they're gone. But then when they need me again, it's I'm so sorry, life happened, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. And they wheel everybody back in and the cycle starts again. I mean, why is it that people can't just be authentic and be a real friend anymore?

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I don't know how to answer this, Victoria, because I don't know how to answer it, you know. My daughter went through something like this a while ago and and I presented her with a quote from Dizelle. Watch it. And he said, basically, the moment stop being important to you, uh to me, the moment that I stop being important to you, you're dead to me. Right. Right? Respect is earned, it's not given. You just don't wake up and there it is in your hand. I say the hell with some of these people. You know, we we people look at us and think that, oh God, they're successful, they're they're they're great, they're a great couple together, and you know, they have all this money because they give so much and they have so much, you know, that that's why they're giving it away.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

And you know, we haven't given it away. I mean, we offer scholarships and we've hit over 800 now.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

But I mean we're we're yes, we are being taken advantage of, but we have such a huge heart. We're we're hoping somewhere along the line somebody will pay it forward or turn around and help the one behind them, right? Because there's always someone less fortunate than you are, you know. Hell, we're struggling, just like every red blooded American, you know. We we live paycheck to paycheck if we get one, and you know, we have to make ends meet, we have to make do what we have. We're not millionaires, nowhere, nowhere close, right? Right, and you know, people look at us like oh, they they they got it. No, we don't got it. We we we give from our hearts, you know. We we want you to look at the example we're we're trying to to give you, right? We my wife sits up here, you know, 12 to 20 hours a day working her ass off on on these this academy, on the website, on on all this stuff, and it's just give, give, give. You know, one day it's it's gonna be her turn, but that's that's not why we're doing this. That's not what we're looking for. It it is better to give than to receive, yes. But man, it'd be nice to receive sometimes, you know. Hell, we don't even get sponsored. We we don't even have a sponsorship, we we don't even have funding coming in for a contagious smile now. A contagious smile, what we do, anything like that. I'm having to start up another side business to try to help supplement.

Giving Big While Living Tight

SPEAKER_01 8:08

And it's gonna be our our our well boutique, it's gonna be our t-shirt business, custom embroidered, custom apparel, t-shirts, hats, keychains. It's called Stronger Than a Mountain. And it's it's it's an homage from our daughter to my wife when she said to Cheryl on an interview one day on NBC that my mom is stronger than a mountain.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

And then they provided me with that clip on a frame because no one had ever heard a child state something like that to their mom about their mom. And I look at her and faith is just my inspiration in so many ways. You know, I told her today, I told her, you know, she said to me, Mom, if there was a million moms in line, I'd still pick you every time. And she said to me, you know, I just want you to know that I know your grandparents are so proud of you. And she said, because I said, look, if I did a quarter of the job that my grandparents did, I have done well beyond what I expected. And she said, Mom, you've done a million times over what anyone could have expected. And you've never given up on me. You never turned your back on me. You never, I mean, no matter what you're doing, you stop instantly from me every single time, unless you're live. And if I needed you, you would stop it. And she's right. And she's like, most moms don't do that. You know, most parents are like, oh, you know, go send me a text or you know, whatever. I mean, her and I still do stuff together, just mother and daughter, all the time. Like you have movie night every Saturday night, and that is you and her movie night, right? That is your time. And they ask me once in a while, you know, if I'll join in, but for multiple reasons I won't. Number one, both of their movies tastes suck and it's horrible.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

I'm gonna bleed that out.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

I'm not. And number two, the fact that like to this day, I cherished every memory with my grandfather.

Family Time That Sticks

SPEAKER_00 10:06

And I had time with both my grandparents, and I had time individually with my grandparents, like together and separate. And like, golf. It wasn't really my forte, but I was the best damn golf cart driver you've ever seen. And it was the fact that I would get to get up at like five in the morning, sit there with him while he was getting ready, and he would let me give him his insulin shot in his stomach. And then he would make me banana sandwiches on rye seedless bread. And he he would make himself one. And we would go at, you know, early more. He was a phenomenal golfer. He had all these awards, and we would go really, really early so that we could get back in time and then go to their boutique that they owned. And that was something he and I did, and it was fabulous and amazing. And I cherish every one of those memories. Like when I was little, I used to think I was pretty good. And then I realized as I go back and review some of the memories, that when I thought I was hitting the golf ball on the tea, he was throwing it when I missed it, right? And then he would just scoop it, you know. And it was just like those are the memories that last a lifetime that can't be replaced, right? And that's why it's so invaluable to me that you spend that time with her. And it is so imperative that people just, you know, like you look back 20 years ago at a Sunday dinner, and everybody is sitting around a table and having dinner together and they're having a conversation. And, you know, the cell phones back then were like they could be bookends now. They're so heavy. And then now everybody's sitting there at the table, if they even eat together. I mean, I've learned about so many families that they all eat individually, they eat in separate rooms, they, you know, don't even have dinner together or make dinner together as a family. And if they do, they're all on their devices. Nobody sits around like we do and asks about each other's day and how their day is going. And, you know, we stop what we're doing to hear what is going on, how can we help and listen? And that's really so hard for me to imagine that that's really what it's like out there. But it's like that out there, and it's so wrong because you know, you and I both come from some really effed up people all

Walking Away From Toxic Money

SPEAKER_00 12:22

the way around. I mean, would you agree? Yeah, like how he goes, uh-huh. But, you know, like we'll take my sperm and egg donor, they're millionaires. You know, you've been there. I mean, their house, it's not a home. It's 10,000 square feet. If you can't touch the walls, you had to wear rubber sole shoes that throughout the house. You what else were their stupid rules? Can't touch the walls, had to wear certain shoes, couldn't hang anything on the walls without permission. Their kitchen was just like an extension of another storage room. And they ate out three times a day, seven days a week. It was so cold in that house that it just didn't even, it didn't feel like a home. It didn't feel like a family, you know. It was four walls with a couple that had the money to pay for it and had masks on. And when that door shut, those masks, you know, were right on the ground. And that's really, really sad. And and a lot of people asked me, why would you walk away for millions of dollars? Because my sanity is worth more than a paycheck. My sanity is worth more. You know, I know that my grandparents made my sperm donor promise him, promised both of them that they would make sure he took care of me after they had passed. And he blatantly told me that he, you know, didn't keep his word. And he tells everybody, like, I'm this horrible person because I wouldn't, you know, cover up his affairs and I wouldn't do these things. And I told him, I was like, Am I a fan of your wife? No. But if you got rid of your marriage, then I would be your biggest cheerleader. And and the thing is, is that yeah, and then he would throw it in my face. Well, you told Idiot, who I called my abuser, that he could cheat. Yes, I told him he could cheat because he wasn't bashing my face in, he wasn't raping me, he wasn't, you know, choking me and doing these things that no human should ever have to endure. So you're damn right I told him to go out with somebody else so that I could be home back at the house and pregnant and try to survive another day. And so that would get thrown at me. But the thing is, is that money is not going to keep you warm at night. That money is not going to do anything for you. I mean, yeah, it puts a roof over your head, but we have a roof over our head. And you know, if somebody said, here, take the keys to whichever house you want, I wouldn't take theirs because you know, I would feel like an exorcism would need to be performed. I mean, seriously, because we went years without speaking to them. And then the first time we saw them, it was, oh, look, look, come here. I want you to see. And you were standing there. Come here, I want to show you our new Mercedes. And I, and I do you remember? I was like, no, thank you. No, come in here and look. I was like, nope, I'm good. Nope, I'm good. And when you think about it, it's the first time they had seen me as an amputee. They hadn't seen me since I lost my arm. And it wasn't even like most parents, first of all, I would have been right there, and we would never have been no contact with our with our children. However, they had not, and I just realized that they had not seen me as an amputee. And we get there, and the very first thing is come look at the Mercedes. And I was like, I don't care. I don't care, you know, and they're like, no, just come look, come look. And I opened the door to get them to shut up, and I was like, it smells like formaldehyde in here. And of course that didn't sit well with them, but it was why don't you have a prosthetic? And it wasn't anything, it was, you know, and I was like, this is the one that I really would love. It's called the hero arm, and it's thirty thousand dollars, and I don't have insurance that 300.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

No, no, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Yeah, it's 30,000 for the arm and the hand, but my ins I don't have the insurance that will cover that, and I definitely don't have thirty thousand dollars to pay for it. And thirty thousand dollars is chom change to them, seriously, and I did not ask them to buy it, and I wouldn't ask them to buy it. But my child, our child, they wouldn't have had to ask, right? And then they know that you know I was losing my eardrum and I would be a hundred percent deaf. And you know, they I said I, you know, they talked about doing a cochlear implant, but I don't have the insurance for it, and it's three hundred thousand dollars. And I mean, and I'm not asking or expecting them to pay for it, never have, and I've told you that I never expected that, but I'm just saying when you really love someone and they're your true family, what's in the bank account doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You make ways to make things happen, you make ways to support those that you love and being consistent. The one thing that makes us not materialistic and not monetarily rich is the fact that we give unconditionally our time. And time is the most precious thing you can offer anyone, right? It's because when you really love someone and you offer that time, nobody else can give you that. And you can't buy it, you can't buy it back, you can't go backwards and get more of it. If I could, believe me, I'd be sitting with my grandparents, and I can't, you know. I mean, that's just what's so mind-boggling to me is that, and now all of our donors are older, and they're you know, who's who's gonna tend to them? Who's gonna take care of them? Who's gonna be the one to tend to them because they weren't there to tend to us?

Faith’s Build-A-Bear Lesson

SPEAKER_01 18:10

So, guys, listeners, I'll I'm gonna give you an example. Our daughter, Faith, is an amazing, amazing miracle. Right? Y'all have heard about her for years. I'm sure you've read about her.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

They've heard her. She's been on plenty of podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

She wanted me to take her to the mall.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

So right before then, she said, wait, I gotta go get my change. We gotta go to public.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

I have the best kid.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

So sh we we she grab her change, like it's kind of like her piggy bank, okay? It's just a glass jar full of change. We go on a publics and she dumps all in the coin thing, and I'm and I'm about to blow a gassy because I want to go through all her coins and look for the the old wheat pennies and shit like that. Right in the mall. She turns it in and puts adds the money to her her little wallet, her little purse that she has.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Her satchel.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Satchel.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

If she hears you call it a purse.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

And we proceed to go to the mall. Now, in the mall, you think a teenager, a 19-year-old girl with $150 is gonna go blow it on herself. No, you're dead wrong.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Not this child such a good kid. I had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Where do we go? We go to build a bear. Build a bear, y'all. I'm thinking, what in the world? Okay, so she goes in there and selects a specific bear with specific markings, specific fragrance, everything i i is is a story that means something to her and my wife. And she pays most of that hundred and fifty dollars for this bear.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

One bear.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Right?

SPEAKER_00 20:07

On the way out, there's there's great American cookie, which doesn't help my ass that I'm trying to lose.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Well, mom loves Great American cookie crust. Yes, the crust. Right? What does she do? Let's go get mom something else. So this girl has saved her change, saved her money, and now has gone out and bought something for mom, specifically for mom, not herself, not anyone else, but for mom. And she asked me this question here the other day. Dad, why did you why did you buy me that game? Why did you why did you buy that game for me? You remember? Yes. I said, baby, because I love you. And that's that's the same reason she did what she did for her mom.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

But there's more to this story.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

There is more.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

So when she got her ears pierced after being decannulated, which means her tracheostomy finally got to come out, I took her to get her ears pierced and I took her to get build a bear. And we went and I found this cute bear and it had overalls, and I put my voice in it, right? So I put my voice in it for her, and she absolutely loves it. And to this day, she still has it, and it's in mit condition, like met condition. So with that being said, you know, she asks my husband to take her to this place and says, Mom, please don't ask me where I'm going. I am not gonna tell you. Do not try and get it out of me. And so, of course, with me, I'm like, Where are you going? What are you up to? What are you what are you doing? She's like, No, I'm not gonna tell you. I'm like, What are you? Where are you going? Nope, mom, stop. So I leave it alone. She comes in and she's like, I got something. You and I was like, What? And she's like, just wait. And so here comes the build bear box. And in it, its name is Savior. And I said, What are you talking about? And it says it belongs to my Karamiya, which is what she calls me. And it's also the name that she has on the tattoo that she did that she dedicated to me on her arm, says, My warrior, my idol, my karamiya. And it has a heart on it. And the heart has stitches and it has wings. And so she gives me this bear, and the bear has stars all over the star, the bear. And she says, Do you remember our make-a-wish trip where we put my name in the galaxy for give kids the world? And I said, Of course I do. And I said, It'll be there forever. And she said, and so will this bear stars. So then she did gingerbread. And she said, Can you smell it? And it's very, very faint. And I said, Okay, why did you do gingerbread? And she said, a couple reasons. One, you used to rub gingerbread lotion on me when I was at the hospital to keep my skin soft. Two, because, and I don't even think Michael knows this. After you lost your hand, I got a bunch of stickers and I took the arms off of all of them and said they're gingerbreads. And I said, Oh, okay. And then we make Christmas ornaments every year. And one year we did gingerbreads, and she took the hands and arms off of some of them for me. So then this bear is also in overalls, just like the bear I made her. And when I took her, when she was itty bitty, we're talking like three to do this, she begged me to get one. Well, back then I was living off of a $400 a month, you know, budget. And I was paying as all special needs moms know and dads know, you know, the the paying for parking and gas and everything else. It's excruciating and challenging and hard. And builder beer is not cheap. And she kept begging me to do one for me. And I said, no, you know, this is all about you. No, no, no. And so I convinced her by telling her, Do you want me to snuggle with anyone other than you? And so then she was like, Nope. And no more build-de-bear idea for mom. So she told me one day I'm gonna build you a builder bear. And I said, Okay. And I never thought about it again until she comes home with the builder bear box. And she gives this to me and she goes, her name is Savior, because you're mine. And then she hands me another bag, and in the bag is Bath and Body Works. And I'm so like, I'm such a special needs person and special needs mom that I always do things above and beyond for insurance of safety. So, like all around the house, I have those candle warmers where you put the candle under it and it lights it with the light and warms it. So the smell goes everywhere without the possibility of fire. So she gives me the most amazing coffee smelling candle, which we have going on right now, and it smells amazing. And she gives me this, and then she hands me this little tube of lotion. And I said, What's this? And I said, I didn't think they made this smell anymore. And she said, I didn't either. It is the smell that I used to use on her off season from the gingerbread smell, and she remembered it. She remembered the name of it and she got it. So she did that. And then she gives me the Great American Cookie Company. And I'm like, you know, I'm trying to get my ass not to be in one zip code. And here you are. Not one, not two, but three cookie cake slices, right? Three cookie cake slices. And she's like, Mom, but you deserve it. And she's like, You, it's okay, mom. I don't care what you look like. You're my mom and you're beautiful. And there's not a day that goes by. I don't tell her that she's beautiful, she's stunning, she's gorgeous, inside and out. This girl rocks her scars. She is so beautiful and such a light. And we tell her how smart she is every day because she is. She's brilliant. And oh my God, last night the two of them, this is like grumpy old men revised. The two of them go at it. It is hilarious. Like he walks by and he calls her virgin and she's like reform sled horror tramp. I mean, it is the funniest thing you have ever heard. I mean, I really need to like sneak up behind them and record it and just put like a trigger. Nobody under the age of 18 should listen because it's it can get pretty raunchy, but it's hilarious, the two of them. It's just like Grumpy Old Met with, you know, Walter Methall and Jack Lemon. A lot of people are like, who? What? Who are they talking about? So it really is the sweetest thing. And those are the memories that will last a lifetime. Not the coldness of your zeros in the bank account with numbers in front of them, not the individual because they're not friends, they're not authentic, who want to reach out only when it's advantageous for them and they need something. That's not the real thing. Who cares? You know, that's not really who it is. Who it is is the people that don't care what's going on on a Saturday night because nothing matters more than being with their daughter for a father-daughter movie night, no matter how stupid the movie is. And doing stuff together with your family and enjoying those moments, enjoying those movies, and having you're about to roll over Amber, by the way. She's like race here.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

It's not just about the money. And whenever you hear the phrase, oh, it's the thought that counts, not not to this little girl. It it's the thought into action. And that's what she did. She put her thought and her sentiment into action, and she was very thoughtful building this bear.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Even she had it talk.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

She put her voice to it, and it is the sweetest message that I normally would consider sharing, but I'm not because I'm keeping that private. It was so sweet, and I I'm hoping that I won't break it from playing it so many times. I can't help it. I promise you, nobody's asking how I'm doing it. These are all people wanting things. This is what happens constantly. I can't tell you how many texts I get a day. So, anyway. Exactly. Did you hear? Right. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

She's on my side.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

No, she's not. She's always on my side.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Hardly anyone's on my side in this family.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

That's you're talking about your sperm, your egg donor, because everybody in this house is is one unit. But you're talking about No.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

I I have two boys in here stuck on rusty. They love mama. They're not even boys.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

They're mama's boys. That's because you try to kick them off our bed. Dang right. But you can't kick them off our bed, they're family.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Well, it's hanky panky time.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Oh lord.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

I don't want no dogs on a bed.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Maybe I didn't want you to have no bitches and fleas and your shit, but you had them back in the day.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

I got washed.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

You needed to get exfoliated. Oh, I can exfoliate. You needed a full exfoliation. By the way, excellent work on your weight loss there, jackass. Because he keeps losing and losing and losing. And he looks phenomenal. Not like he didn't ever before, but like, oh my god. He's lost like 30 something pounds in like no time at all. It's it's kind of irritating, to be honest with you. You've only been doing this a few weeks and you're down 30 something pounds. I mean, a lot of people are giving you the finger of salute right now.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

Because finger. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

That one. Because seriously, I mean, 30 something pounds in three something, four weeks. And he can do it too. And it's so irritating. He can just say, okay, that's it. And and then he just drops it. Here I am struggling for every ounce. But I did go and try on new clothes again.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Very proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Which is something if anybody knows me, I am so nope, not gonna do it. I hate it. I never buy myself anything. I don't like it.

Body Dysphoria After Abuse

SPEAKER_01 30:20

So have having that body just for you because of the abuse, how did that make you feel down there? And it's been it's been how many years?

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Since the abuse decades.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Couple decades.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

Yeah, I've been with you for right half a decade more.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

So you know, y'all often hear about we you know, people get out of their abuse relationship. Well, the abuse is not over, right? Because that survivor still has the memories, still has you know the the the they have PTSD. And part of that is carried over into what they call my wife's body dysphoria, you know.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

Well, it's not just that it's not like a prison sentence when it's over, it's done, and you're finished. It lingers with us for the rest of our life. And you know, I have lost a lot of weight, and there's still some more I'd like to.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

I've never seen it.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

You're crazy as hell. How do you miss 55 pounds?

SPEAKER_01 31:16

I never saw it.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

You're so full shit. Helen Keller's brother over here.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

I'm blinded.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Anyway, so when I went to look at clothes, like I I have this misconception, like the Shallow Hal movie, like that I'm this size. Like I compare myself to people. I'm like, am I that size? Am I that size? You know, and I look at everybody with two hands, everybody. And I'm like, how come they get to have two hands? You know, I'm not wishing that they lose one, but why didn't I get to keep mine? Right. So I go in there and and I'm sure loss prevention is watching me because here I am pushing, I'm at Kohl's and I'm pushing the little shopping cart, my handbag, my my purse I wear on my shoulder, and I'm pushing the cart with one hand and I'm looking at stuff, and they don't have the normal cart, right? That's Coles doesn't have a normal shopping cart, it's two-layer kind of thing, whatever. So I'm trying to push it and in and out of these tiny little like zigzaggy line things. Careful, her head's under the chair. And I I look at, and the first thing I do is I see a dress, which I didn't even wear a dress marrying you, like you know, and I'm like, uh, because my husband wants to see me in a dress. So I go and I I reach for one. And the first thing I do, hey, and you know, I've seen some absolutely stunning, beautiful, large women. Like I think Melissa McCarthy is stunning. I think she's the first person I thought of. So I reach and I immediately get a 2XL, right? And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna try this on. And I was like, I'm gonna wear this, right? Nope. So I go in the dressing room, and it's a challenge for me in a dressing room because when you're one-handed to put clothes on and off and everything else, not get your shoes to untie or whatever, it's a challenge. And AI already hate it. I hate trying on clothes, I hate buying new clothes, I hate shopping for me. And what do I do? I go and then I'm like, this is the wrong size. So then I go back and get another size, and it's the wrong size. So I'm like, you know what? I'm just gonna get the next three sizes and we'll just go from there. So I do this, and by then I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm like, I'm done, I don't even want to do this anymore. So then I'm like, all I wear are sneakers, so I gotta wear some kind of frou-frou, whatever, I'm not doing it, whatever. Back in the day, I was the three-piece suit, business tie, suspenders, heels, whatever. And I would have been uncomfortable in what I wear now. Back then, I would never have worn it. I'd been so uncomfortable. So I'm walking around, and what do I do? I come home with like three things. And I then I was like, honey, I got you more clothes. So I got him more than I bought me, item-wise, because I can do that all day long for other people. I just can't do it for me. And it's the body dysphoria of being uncomfortable because of what you've been through. Body dysphoria is is a real serious thing. I mean, I don't see myself the way that my husband sees me, I don't see myself the way that my daughter sees me. You know, I just don't see it.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Did we show you?

SPEAKER_00 34:14

No. What do you mean you I want you to show me? How would you show me?

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Come in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

We are on air.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

We can be on. Let's uh continue on. Oh yeah. So I want to know, so did it make you feel good? Did it make you feel guilty?

SPEAKER_00 34:32

I and this is just as raw as it gets. I know from talking to a lot of amazing people, my body dysphoria is extreme. Like what I had on this dress, and you've seen it, I nitpicked every tiny thing I could. I was like, uh no, nope, I still need to lose like 10. I'm I'm like 15 pounds for my goal weight, like 15. And I'm like, I shouldn't even look at this ton 15 pounds more. I should, you know, less right, 15 pounds less. And I'm like walking and I'm looking at it, I'm like, nope, I don't like how that hangs. No, I don't like that. Nope, nope, I don't like how this scar's showing. I don't like how that's nope. I mean, there's less skin unscarred than scarred on me. I have more scars than I do unscarred skin. So I'm looking at like, uh, you know, that's a puzzle waiting to go because you know, I used to hear, here's a Sharpie, you know, let's go connect all the dots to all your scars, and I'll be busy for hours and hours. And that was my sperm donor. So to hear that, it still resonates in there. And I'm not giving him that mental space at all because he doesn't have that power and he doesn't have that control anymore. And the thing is, is that I know on the inside that I have a huge heart. I know on his inside, he's as tacky as possible. Like even if you're remotely attractive physically, your inside can make you uglier than Sen because of who you are and who you portray to be, right? And I just hope that because I do try to be my pure authentic self and I do try to take care of other people, that that shows on the outside like it does on the inside. I saw a fly. He's looking at me like, what did you look at me like that for? I saw a fly go apart. So I just hope that my inside comes out on my outside, my inner self. Why are you looking at me like that?

SPEAKER_01 36:29

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

I mean, you have to admit, like you have interacted with physically remotely decent, attractive females, and then you got to know them and they were hideous as sin when they opened their mouth. That's what I'm referring to.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

That's exactly what I'm referring to.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yes, you were correct.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

How do you look like you're tired when you've already had two naps today?

SPEAKER_01 36:53

I've had one.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

No, you get you went back to bed at 7 30 or 8 this morning and then got up at 1.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

Yes, you were correct. How you're right, dear.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

How are you tired again?

Pain Relief And Recovery Plans

SPEAKER_01 37:04

I'm hurting. Well, stand up. The side pain is I don't sit down these days. I I stand up mostly. I hate driving. It kills me to drive 30 minutes. So it must be about the 30 minute mark. That's excuse about time I I start burning. Sidic pain down my down my back, my right leg. I've tried neuro whatever pills. I've tried the gummies for the the sidic pain. No, that's it's something different. Methyl something. Anyway, I don't seem to have any relief other than standing up or sleeping. So, but what what is that little bit of pain pain compared to my wife losing an arm? And now here she is coming up on another bag surgery to re to give her some relief.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Well, or losing my hearing or any of the other stuff. I mean, this one, this is kind of a big deal. This one is they're they're taking out some of my vertebrae.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

And that's uh couple weeks. Couple weeks away.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

I'm I'm under the two-week mark from it. And what do you think I'm gonna do when I come home?

SPEAKER_01 38:16

You are not gonna podcast, you are not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 38:19

Yes, I am.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

I won't let you.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

You you work for me.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Hey, I have the power to unplug the computer.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

No, you don't, because I have plenty of other op electronics that I can work for. I'm not gonna if I sit, if okay, if I take home. No, if I no, listen. If I come home and I am hurting, yes, being that I've never taken a single pain medication, and I come home and I'm hurting, and I don't focus on something else, I'm gonna hurt a hundred times more. You have dogs that can't jump on me, and the girls do, they're babies, they're still puppy. But it's gonna hurt to sit up in a bed at first. I need to, I know what I need to do. What are you doing now?

SPEAKER_01 39:00

I'm sitting in a chair, which is where you'll be if you want to work.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Correct, and I'm going to work. And because I don't take a single payment. I'll just wait for you to take a nap and come into work.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Well, no. Yeah, yeah. B12. That doesn't work for you. It does.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Okay, here.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

I've already taken the gifts right.

SPEAKER_00 39:17

Well, it didn't work for you. You had two naps today. Point made. Thank you. Thank you. It hasn't kicked in. Oh, you're full of shit. It hasn't kicked in yet. So my toilet seat's warm?

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

When are you changing the toilet seat out?

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

No, you say that every day.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

I'm busy today. Doing what? I have lots to do. Like, like lots. Like I'm gonna go talk to our daughter and maybe get her to watch another movie. My daughter needs me. She needs her dad. She does.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

Yeah. And last night, total classic, she decided to play a symphony orchestra for my husband. Oh my gosh. It was so great. I kept asking for encores. She would run up to him and her butt would blow or kiss blow kisses at him. It was hilarious. It was so awesome. He's like, Why are you now so gassy? And she's like, Because I saved it for you. And I mean, it wasn't a toot. That's for dog on char. And it's great. And it was so much fun watching this because my husband had to sit there and take it.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

I promise you, he's only trying to stand. Your noises are really misconstruing.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

He is. He's just trying to stand up right now.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Dog's in the way. Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 40:36

Are you wearing socks with slippers? I am. I thought that was a no-no.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

It is, but this is my home, and I do what I want.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

Really? I like your paper cut on your on your calf.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

My calf? My gunshot wound? That's a paper cut. Let me tell everybody about my gunshot wound.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Paper cut.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

The thing's the size of a paper cut. At the gun range. We have new listeners. How many new listeners do we have?

SPEAKER_00 41:03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Probably a million more.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

No. That one'sn't even the size of a band. They gave him a child's hello kitty bandit. It looks like a like a paper cut. It's not even as wide as your pinky nail. That's pretty good. It's still a gunshot one. It is not, not even a 22 would make that size. Oh yeah, so zip it. Are you about to be pants on the ground again?

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Look at this.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Are those the ones I just bought you?

SPEAKER_01 41:26

I don't know. I don't think so. But they're like three inches too big in the waist. That's what you have belts for. I took my belt off. Boy.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

All right. Well, I thank everybody

Shoutouts And Where To Find Us

SPEAKER_00 41:40

for listening. Everybody loves us.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

They love you.

SPEAKER_00 41:45

No, they love us.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Really?

SPEAKER_00 41:47

Amir, a Ramosby did not tell me that I was the loved one. He told you, and I do remember because I kept the soundbite. I have loved it. He said, shut up and listen to your wife.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

Because he loves you.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

No. He said you're an amazing podcaster, A, because of your voice. And B, he said you're authentic and genuine, which is so hard to find, and he loves. And then the one thing I I have to say, Amir, that I might not totally agree with, is he said, Oh, I love that southern slang.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

He said, You have no slang up in here.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

You have that southern drawl that everybody loves. That's what he said.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Amir, wish you good luck, buddy. He's the best.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

He's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

Your Broadway and everything you do.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Where he plays Amir. He's playing a person named Amir in his Broadway show. Amir is playing Amir.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

So cool. He's awesome. I love the theatric like faces he makes when he talks, too. You'll have to check it out because the podcast has the actual video, so you can go and look and see Amir's podcast.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

Thank y'all for listening to Cottage Smile. Be on the lookout for Stronger Than a Mountain website. It's under construction right now.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

But oh yeah, I gotta finish that honeydew list too. He watches a movie, I get to work and build a website. That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

Y'all be sure to jump on the Academy up under contagious smile.com and get you some free courses in there. Good night, y'all.