His First Pedicure Michael's Father's Day

A Father’s Day pedicure turns into a surprisingly tender milestone when my husband walks in convinced it “isn’t for men” and walks out admitting the hot rocks, paraffin, and toe rubs were the best part of his day. We laugh about gifts that are equal parts love and necessity, like replacing a ruined recliner and an air fryer that became a health hazard, then we pivot into the real wins: cutting sugar, making diabetes-friendly choices, and watching A1C move in the right direction. 

We also talk about body image in a way that isn’t polished or performative. Weight loss can feel amazing and confusing at the same time, and a simple trip to try on clothes becomes a full-body experience when you’re carrying trauma, living with scars, and navigating the physical challenge of changing outfits with one hand. We share what it meant to finally wear something that fits, why a partly unbuttoned shirt can be a huge act of courage, and how a supportive partner can help without pushing too hard. 

From there, the conversation gets blunt about domestic violence and coercive control. We unpack why “just leave” is often impossible when you’re being tracked, isolated, threatened, and terrorised, and we share the lasting impact of psychological abuse on self-worth and safety. With major spine surgery ahead, we also talk about the difficult choice to revisit the memoir “Who Kicked First” together, and why telling the truth still matters years later. 

If you connect with honest stories about trauma healing, body dysmorphia recovery, diabetes progress, and rebuilding a life with real support, subscribe to A Contagious Smile Unstoppable, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find it.

Transcript

Father's Day Banter And Gifts

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Good evening. Happy Father's Day. Or happy belated Father's Day, because when this goes out, it had already been passed. Welcome to another episode of a contagious smile unstoppable. My husband's cherry got popped. His cherry got popped. I and Faith took my husband for his very first pedicure today. Pictures will follow.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

So how was it?

SPEAKER_02 0:36

No, no. What what did you say you got me for Father's Day? You got a freaking this uh a accumulation of a couple weeks.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

But it's a new recliner because somebody urinated in yours, and I don't mean one of the four dogs, and I don't mean faith, and I don't mean me, and I don't mean you, but that individual no longer resides here. So that kind of wades that one out. So that recliner got replaced, and a man always needs a good recliner, and my husband doesn't know how to clean, so his air fryer became a collaboration of grease and crap that Faith and I were uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Seasoned.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

No, okay, Faith and I were uncomfortable even opening it, yet alone utilizing it.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

So we don't wash out your coffee mug. You don't put your cast iron in the dishwasher.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

So we did not want to catch like salmonella poisoning or whatever. So we got you a new air fryer, and you have wanted for a long time a slushy machine, but I don't think you wanted it too long because it's still taped up on the island.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Yeah. Ever since I got diabetes, I cut back on all the sugar and sugar.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

But you can make food, like fruit and other stuff that's diabetic friendly.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Sugar.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah, but you can make diabetic friendly slushies, and your A1C is dropping very nicely. So you could actually reverse your diabetes.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

So all in all, I had good Father's Day.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

And I let you sleep in. You slept into like two. Well, that's my nap. No, you went to no. That was no. Got up at 4 30. And then you went back to bed at like six. And then you harlot.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Brought you breakfast in bed at eight.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Well, here we go again with the one ego waffle.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

I still brought you breakfast in bed.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Frozen waffle.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

And it was your my day. Every day your day. Every day. Breakfast in bed every day. Any day.

First Pedicure Anxiety To Enjoyment

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Do you not get weighted on hand and foot, literally? No. You're full of shit. You you don't? No.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Every time I had another woman on my feet to get.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And I was st I was right there with you. You said your little menage of 12 Vietnamese women.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

No.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Uh-huh. One was doing your eyebrows and one was doing your feet. Which we all have pictures of, which we will show.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

See where this is going.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

We have pictures.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Okay. So I'm just- I was all against the eyebrow shit. Well, she know. And I was extremely hesitant about you.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

No, uh, okay. So she took you to dinner, and then you were like I thought about it the whole dinner. And then you were like, okay, let's go. And you, I'm like, are you sure? And you said yes. So you went.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

No, I had to ask other people.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

So I'm I'm I'm very I'm secure my manhood, but I don't feel like me as a man should get a pedicure. I I just don't feel that that's anything in my league or in my avenue. I just it's not a gay thing, okay? It's not I think it's strictly a woman thing. I I don't know. Maybe I'm I understand that. Maybe I'm wrong. Now, once once you get older in age and you can't reach down and cut your own toenails.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Two of the guys were faith stage that were there today.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Or you have a toe fungus and you need professional that I understand. But I'm just I'm not that's something I'm I was totally not used to. I was very tense. I talked I talked that woman's ear off.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

She told you she didn't know a lot of English.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Anyway, yes, towards the end I started to relax and and you got like the grand pooba of pedicures.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

I mean, he got the jelly belly stuff in there that they they do those things, and he got the paraffin, he got the hot rocks. I mean, he got the I did like the rocks.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

And I I I like the uh the toe rubs, the toe, you know. And I don't have finger toes.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

You do have finger toes. Okay, you have big flipping.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

I don't have big feet.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

You have us 15.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

Yes, everybody that they all said yes. And they all said no.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

No, they didn't. They said yes, so don't even try it. So yeah. And you didn't even say anything about the color I got today. I did something totally different. It's lime green. It's not lime, it's sage, and I did it for supporting LGBTQ as June is Pride Mont. And with surgery this week, I can't wear anything dark, and so I did fun color. I have never in my life done a sage green color or green on my feet ever in life, ever. And I did. And Faith was so excited, she was like, Mom, you went out of your comfort zone for me, you know, and it was sweet and loving and wonderful, and you know, a moment.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

And so, you know, and then I had hot wings.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

You had hot wings before you had hot rocks.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Yep. Yes, so it was a nice day, and now I'm down yonder playing Xbox.

Pride Color And Family Moments

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Go figure, being a guy, being a dude. We have so much going on this week. It's crazy, crazy, crazy. So I want to do, I have to do a shout-out for a second. Carson Cresley, who I'm sorry, is one of the nicest human beings, sent me a message. I guess faith and him were

Shout-Outs From Friends And Fans

SPEAKER_01 6:15

talking as always. I love how he always consistently says, my little overachiever. I love that. And he sends me a message and says, So, Victoria, I hear you're having a little burst jerk. And oh Lord. And he's like, So, what's up with that? And then he says, And I'm coming on the podcast. Like, he was just like, I'm coming on the podcast. And I was like, Is he done podcast? Not with us, but he sends us videos and stuff all the time. He's been with Faith since you know she was like like little, you know, and then he was really involved when we almost lost her a couple years ago. Yeah, bless his heart. And so they they talk and so and he's so nice. And he was like, and realized that I will follow up and check in on you at the end of the week. And I know he will, because he's like such a nice person. So I just want to say thank you to him, and I have to say thank you to David Arquette, who David he's a funny guy. He was on set doing a movie, and I think it's screened, they're filming it here in Atlanta, and he sent a shout out congratulating Mike McNack and I for the Care Coalition release of the journal and app, which all of y'all need to go check out. And he sent that and he listens to the shows too, which is really cool because I think he is like hilarious, and he's not he's got a great sense of humor to boot. He's just an all-around nice person. Would you watch him and talk to him and listen to him?

SPEAKER_02 7:48

Get him with uh Eric Winters, they'll probably pull pranks of the year.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

I don't see David Arkane as a prankster.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

You don't?

SPEAKER_01 7:55

I do, I don't, but he's so open, like he every time I've heard from him, he's always talking about his mental health challenges. And a lot of people of his status wouldn't openly disclose that, you know, because the press can can not necessarily always can be so just relentless, right? And you never see people interview somebody and say, oh, they were just the nicest person ever, right? They were just so down to earth and talking like always always what a bitch, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Let let me cut you, say how much you bleed, and then let me if it bleeds, it leads, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

That's just it, it's horrible. And so, you know, we have some amazing followers. John Cita, okay. Just a moment, sorry, I need a moment here. Who was Antonia Dawson on Chicago PD? And here's one for you if it makes you feel better. He was the boyfriend to Jennifer Lopez, a lot. Jennifer Lopez.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Jennifer Lopez? Yeah, you don't like her, do you?

SPEAKER_01 8:59

No. Because, like everywhere I've seen so many interviews with her, and I've I've seen how she talks and treats people, and it's just, you know, we all, even those of us with only one hand, we put our pants on basically the same way. And, you know, yes, she's got billions and trillions and zillions of dollars, and good for her, but the thing that is is that you wouldn't have it without your fans. Like, I like her more than Mariah Carey, which, you know, like I can't. If if more if Mariah Care's people came and said, look, would you let her on your show? I would say, hell no. Absolutely not. No way. I don't care. Not happening. I couldn't do it. I I just couldn't release myself that low to do it. Sorry. And that's just my thoughts. But John Cita, who played Jennifer Lopez's boyfriend in the amazing movie Selena, who was Antonia Dawson on Chicago PD, read my book, Shielded. And he wants to come on the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

I was like, yeah. Uh-huh. And our daughter, Faith, before she went to that side, used to think he was, you know, I don't know, for dinner tonight.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

I think our daughter is by, and I don't care what she is. I welcome any and everybody as long as they don't put their hands on her in an unwarranted manner, then everybody is good.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

I mean, I don't care. As long as she's with whomever and they love her the way she deserves, I don't have a problem. I'll be their biggest advocate and biggest cheerleader and biggest supporter. But you touch my child, hurt my child, look at my child incorrectly in the wrong way, and hell had no fury as you screwing around with a red-headed woman. That's all I'm gonna say. Yes. Okay, and it's just so funny, is because everybody, I remember when you were a cop and everybody would tell me they're so intimidated by you. And I'm like, I don't see it. I mean, yeah, you're big, tall, structured, statuesque guy, and I see that, and I can understand how somebody, you know, might see you intimidating.

Weight Loss Wins And Dressing Room Shock

SPEAKER_01 10:55

I just never saw that side of you, I guess. But like, you're I'm 5'8, you're like 6'3, whatever. And here, here I am, and then she's like, Nope, I'm more afraid of anybody getting mom, you know, and I'm like, yeah, I don't leave fingerprints. I'm just saying, right? But I love the fact that she knows that she's protected and safe, and that's that's very important for a kid to feel that way. Why are you looking at me like that?

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Because you're beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

So I'm like right on the cusp of the next digit.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

You're still beautiful in the middle digit.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

I don't care if it was down to the next number.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Triple digits.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

My weight has three digits, and so the middle digit is about to go down, and I am so happy. I'm like trying to push it to go down.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Trying to push it real good?

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Yeah, okay, 80 salt and pepper. But I'm just saying, I really my goal weight. I'm technically 15, 14, 13, whatever pounds away from being back to my goal weight, which would be the weight I was when we dated. I just really want to get there. And my goal was to be there before your birthday. I didn't hit it, I did not get to that goal. And I really then wanted to be at that goal before this big surgery coming up, and I'm not gonna get it. There's no way I can do that in a few days, and not healthy, and so I'm doing this very healthy, I'm doing this very, very good, very well. So that's not gonna happen, but I'm working on it, and you've lost like 40 pounds already. Is that where we're at? Yes, you are. You were at 283 and you're at 240, 250, 249, 250. Where are you?

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Really?

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Where are you really?

SPEAKER_02 12:56

I'll weigh myself tonight. But I I think I'm around 260. So it's not 40 pounds, darling.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Okay. But you look like you've lost more than 30. Uh pain.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

It feels like it because my britches are fallen. I had to go down any new pants. Go down two sizes.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Right. Well, but I don't ow, I always do that. What I don't get is like, and for the first time ever, anyone who knows me knows that I am like, I would rather hold a door frame than go shopping for clothes. I am not a clothes shopper. I don't like shopping for me. I love shopping for people I love, but I don't like shopping for me, right? And I told my friend Brittany this the other day. I was like, I went in took, I don't even know what size I wear anymore, right? So I go in to get clothes, just try on clothes. And one thing I don't do is dresses. Even when I was in the corporate world, I was in three-piece business suits with spenders and ties and all cutesy ootsie stuff, but I don't do dresses. It's not me. I'm more of a tomboy. So I go into the store, and the first thing I do is I pick up a triple extra large dress. And I put that thing on, and I was a little perturbed because I put it on and it went right right down on the ground.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Is it what?

SPEAKER_01 14:17

It went right down on the ground. So what do I do? I get dressed again, put all my clothes back on, go back out, and then I get a double X large, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Because I'm just which is one size smaller than that.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah, triple X large. So I go over there and I put that on, and I'm like, and I'm like, this is Are you breaking eggs over here? No. So then I go back and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna take two this time. So then I go back and I get an extra large and I'm like, there's no way. So I put the extra large on and it and so I'm like, all right. So then I'm like, maybe I need to move out of the women's plus size. So then I go to the woman's size, right? Because okay, they have kids. This is confusing. They have kids, they have juniors, they have missus, they have women's, and then they have plus.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Okay, that's to make you off of it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

So I go from the plus to the women's because I'm not gonna fit in the kids, I'm not gonna fit in the juniors, and the missus is basically juniors, but a different style. Okay, so I go into the women's and I'm like, oh, I'll get extra large, right? I don't know, I have no clue. So I get an extra large. I go in, take everything off again. Remember, I'm only one-handed. I have to take my sneakers off, I have to take my pants off, my shirt, all this crap, and I put it on and it's and I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. So, of course, everyone listening is like, hey, dumbass, why didn't you just take multiple ones in there? And so my answer is when you're pushing a cart in the aisles and there's not a lot of room and coals to move around, moving a cart with lots of clothes and they get stuck on everything in between is quite challenging as a one-armed woman. So I go back and like screw it. So I get a large and I get a medium. I'm like, I can't do it, I quit, right? I'm done. I have no pain. I can wait at a hospital, I can wait in line for a doctor, whatever. I have no patience when it comes to trying on clothes, like none. So then I go in there and then I'm gone and getting a little excited. And I'm like, hmm, I'm gonna try a large. So I try a large and I'm like, yeah, like now I'm getting all excited, right? So I put on the medium and it's a little loose, even though I'm top heavy and I was elated. Like I thought maybe somebody was pranking me, and that was just like the tag returned, like whatever. And maybe the M was upside down for wow, you know, like you're wide, kind of whatever. Nope. So I got the medium. I came home, and let me tell you, so I don't tell my husband at first, I come home, and I never buy myself anything, ever. I come home, he's in the kitchen eating his sugar-free pudding. I go upstairs before I take my my decompression bath, and I put this on and I walk downstairs. You go from there.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

No, dude, you're doing a great job.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

I want you it needs to come from you. So what happens when I come down the stairs and I come around the corner and you're This is the blue one? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Yes. I think I I I near about damn drop the pudding. Right. Because it was a shock and awe moment to see my wife. She's already a

Body Dysmorphia And Learning To Uncover

SPEAKER_02 17:45

beautiful woman. Y'all know that. Y'all y'all see her face all over the internet here. But to have this body dysphoria shit that she's got from the abuse she suffered. If you go read her first book, Who Kicked First, you'll understand why. Trying to get her out of these baggy ass circus tent clothes that she wears.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yes, I work 14-16 hours a day and I want to be comfortable. And that's what I do. And I sit all contorted in the chairs and all that stuff. So I try to.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

If you're under a 20 by 20 tarp, you you're gonna be comfortable. You know, you got all this room to walk around.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Why for clothes if I can use a swimming pool cover?

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Well, then just walk around naked.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Hell no, I don't want to scare small children.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

We don't we don't have any small children. I have dogs. Anyway, to to see her come out of this this shell that she's been in for years, and Lord knows I I've been trying to I I've pushed it and I can't push it. It's just something that you have to allow your partner or significant other or loved one to you know do it themselves.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Like I was dumbfounded in your reaction because you literally dropped the spoon.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

You're just you're you're I told you you're beautiful. Every day I tell you.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Now, in fairness, this this dress is not distasteful.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

It's not, it was all the way down to it was down to my ankles because I'm still gonna cover and I was taking riches in that movie R.I.P.D., you know, about women in their ankles.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Forget it. You you didn't you won't watch R I P D. Anyway, so it's a very tasteful country-looking dress.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Flowers and and sleep. She had on a tight tank top underneath. So showed a little bit of cleavage, but you know, just to see her out of that jersey that she always wears, and you know, the baggy ass clothes, you know, I was I was floored, so I was very proud of my wife and very happy.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

And then the other day I wore a tank top, but I still cover up. And I actually put my pajama top over it, but I left like one of the buttons unbuttoned. And I know a lot of listeners are like, okay, what's that big deal? It's a huge is it not? It's a huge deal for me.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

It's a huge deal, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Because I cover everything. And there's not, if you can imagine wearing a tank top and then wearing like a silk pajama top on top, and I wear but I wear pajama bottoms. I'm always covered from wrist to ankle, always. But to unbutton even a couple of the buttons on the silk shirt where you could see a little bit of my shoulder and you could see I had a tank top underneath is huge because there's honest to God, there's nowhere on me that I don't have scars. So for me to actually even walk out and do that, knowing I am under scrutiny to myself by having these exposed is a big deal. And people don't understand that if they don't have that.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

But that's not the only reason. Y'all get on Amazon and go buy her book, Who Kicked First, memoir by Victoria Cure, and you'll understand the the mentality that was programmed into my wife during these assaults, during this abuse, made her, you know, cover up to cover up the bruises, to cover up the scarring, and not to mention the psychological, hey, you're you're ugly, you're unattractive, you're fat, you're disgusting, you're you're you're too skinny, or you're too I was never told I was too skinny. All these things just get ingrained and like I said, that they're programmed in your mind by the abuser, and this shit takes years. As y'all can see, I I've my wife's been dealing with this with for a couple of decades.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

In fairness,

Surviving Abuse And The Trap Of Control

SPEAKER_01 21:40

like, and I'm gonna put this out here in fairness, people didn't know what I looked like back then.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

I was a ghost in a shell.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

No, no, no, no. I'm talking about physical. Like before I was like, okay, first of all, I was a martial artist, and people are going, how can someone who and I get asked this a lot, and I and I'm happy to answer. Again, I get asked all the time if you had a black belt, which I actually have two, and you are black belt in martial arts, how is it that you were beaten? Well, that's really simple because when you are trained, even as law enforcement officer, you're trained to de-escalate the situation. And when you cannot de-escalate a situation and get out safely, then you're in a totally different scenario. And when I tried to get out the first time and he shot and killed my puppy to show me what he would do if I left, and then I made a deal with the devil. I said, as long as you didn't go after my stomach, because he knew and he'd never hit me until I was pregnant. And he even testified to that in court. And he told the courts afterwards that he's scared to death of me now because I'm not pregnant. And I made a deal with him while I was pregnant that if he did not hit my stomach, I wouldn't fight him back. And people said, How could you do that? Well, when you're asleep and and I'm sorry, babe, when you're asleep and the abuser comes into the bedroom and straddles over you and you're pregnant and beats you in the face where blood is splattering all over the pillows and the sheets and everywhere else, and tells you to wake your lazy fat ass up because he's thirsty and you need to go get him some effing water, you know that that is not something you can de-escalate. When you are being followed to work and you are having to call on the cell phone so that, or his cell phone so he can see on caller ID that you are in your office, when you have to run errands and bring receipts back so they know exactly what time you left and can look at the timestamp on the receipt. These are all issues. Well, when I went to court, one of the times I went to court the last time, he testified that he knew if he ever hit me before I became pregnant, that would have been the end of it. Well, the mentality of a martial artist is you go through such training and you learn by sparring and things of that nature what it feels like to go into hand-to-hand combat. And you learn how to do defense and offense. And so I tried to put myself back in that mentality. And I don't think I would have survived. I don't think I'm that strong. I don't think I would have survived if I didn't have my martial art training. I really don't. Because at first I was dumbfounded, like this didn't just happen to me. And then I went into the mentality, like, just go back to the dojo, go back to your sensei, go back to being in a class where this is only, you know, because if I showed emotion, he would do it again. Like he actually stabbed me and I screamed and cried. And because I outcried, he did it again. So I wasn't allowed to cry, I wasn't allowed to show emotion. So I kind of put myself into that mindset, if you will. And that was the difference. So the reason I'm telling you this is because my husband will tell you because we dated before all of this ever happened. I was people get addicted to drinking and to drugs, and to some people are addicted to sex, some people are addicted to caffeine and and nicotine. I safely can say I was addicted to working out. That's fair. I worked out seven days a week, two hours a day. It was awful. I'm 5'8. I would say I was what do you say?

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Extremely athletic.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

I oh, I was big chested, but incredibly athletic. My my now husband used to go around and tell people for five dollars, I'll let you grab her buns of steel. Like I was no you had the hardest ass. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

You are hard ass.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

But you know why? It's because of all the kicks and stuff. That's why you have such a hard. And then I was teaching at the academy, and so that's why. But I was I was obsessed with working out. So I never, and the reason I'm saying this is because I was told you're disgusting, you're ugly, nobody would ever want you, blah, blah, blah. And the thing is, is literally I wasn't overweight then. And you're being told all of these things. And it here's the thing: when you hear every single day, like my husband and I tell each other every day, I love you, you're my best friend, I love you. You know it and you believe it because you hear it every single day. When you hear you're ugly, you're disgusting, nobody's ever gonna want you, you're hideous. People feel bad for me for being with you because you're so disgusting. You begin to believe it. You get torn down, you get isolated, you get put into a corner, your whole life goes into a corner of submission into the fetal position, even metaphorically, where you hear everything, how you do your hair, how you wear your makeup. I'm in corporate America in July wearing turtlenecks because I have strangulation handprints around my throat. And so you begin to believe nobody is ever, you're never gonna do any better. You're never gonna be with anyone who will love you because you're so damaged. And that is exactly how it is. And you know what? You can be a man, you can be a woman, and you can be the person who goes through the abuse, because I really dislike the word victim, and you can be the abuser. I mean, I have become such great friends with an amazing human being who is a man, and he is of the homosexual nature, and he is just the nicest person. He has got a story that'll break your heart, but he's using his platform to help others, and he is such a light and such a gift to have around. I mean, he is just amazing, and it's so it doesn't matter, male or female, trans, bi, whatever the case may be, anyone can be someone who is at the hands of an abuser. And so to be told in these things every single day, it it becomes your norm. That's what you're accustomed to. So I cover everything up still. And it was because back then I covered the bruises, I covered the scars, I was covering the stitches, I was covering the breaks and the fractures and all that. And now, you know, when Faith was little, she didn't have any kind of scarring like I did. And I didn't want people to walk around and stare at me because she would think they were staring at her. And I never wanted her to feel uncomfortable. And the one thing I'm so super proud of, besides so many with her, is that she knows she's gorgeous, she knows she's stunning, she knows she's beautiful. And I've told her that every single day of her entire life. She rocks her scars. She knows she will tell you she is a badass girl, and she is. And I never want anyone to feel incarcerated in your own hell of body dysphoria because it is awful. It is something that is so degrading, and you can't look at yourself in a mirror. You can't look at your image when you pass by a window. You don't even want to see yourself. A dressing room, forget it. Because when they have three mirrors in there, that's just torture. It's horrible, you know, and and that's just it. You never feel good about yourself. And that is a life sentence that nobody should have to take in.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

And I want to interject something here to all you jackasses and assholes out there that pose the question in your mind why didn't you just leave them? Y'all are not listening. You didn't list the words she just said. This monster followed her to work, called the place of employment to verify she was in the building. Check the receipts. Do you understand this? This is a psycho. This this is a monster who shot her dog.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Puppy. I know still a six-month-old puppy.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

And said, This is what I would do to you if you ever leave me. So you tell me what is a pregnant woman supposed to do in that situation? She has nowhere to go. You don't you think he knows everything about her? Yes. You think he has isolated her from her friends? Yes. From her family, or or got her family involved in it, and and said that, oh, she's clumsy. She's the stupid one.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

No, that's what he told everybody.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

That I was clumsy, and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

So take your question and shove it up your ass. Why why didn't she just leave?

SPEAKER_01 30:26

It's not that easy.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

It is not.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

It really is not that easy. It is such a hard thing to do. Because, and you know, it it is. It's it's so hard. And you know, here's something that my husband doesn't know, and he's gonna say, Are you freaking kidding me? I guarantee he'll say it.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

So Well, no, I'm not gonna say it.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

You'll say something along the lines. So he portrayed himself in so many ways about so many things that were so inaccurate. Like you don't card your spouse while you're dating, right? You don't want to, you're not gonna card your spouse. You're not gonna look at their driver's license when you're dating. Well, when I met him, he looked a shit ton older than me. And he really did. And you've met him multiple times, so don't look at me like that. So I find out when I go to get my military ID, I give him the DOB, and they're like, we don't have anybody there by that name with that DOB. And I'm like, Yeah, you do, yeah, you do. So I let him know that I'm having a problem. I gotta get back to the office, and he shows up and he's like, just take it for now, just take it for now, you know, whatever. And I am dealing with the the ID card I have that I'm thinking I'm making a deal about it because I think he has the wrong date of birth on it. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, you know, I've already had secondary concussion syndrome because I was getting concussions all the time from being hit in the head or being smashed on the concrete or the bricks or the wall or whatever. So I'm like, but this isn't the right date of birth, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. So later on, I find out here I am thinking he's older because he definitely

The Lies Abusers Use To Isolate

SPEAKER_01 32:00

looks older than me, he's younger than me. And he is, and so there were so many things about him that well, everything about Adam was a lie. But not only that, but he this is so horrible. He decided he was gonna play on a sports team through the military, right? And they did practices and stuff. So he had a shirt made, and it was the most god-awful, ugliest baby powder Brady Bunch meets partridge family blue you would ever seen. Okay. He demanded that I show up for every practice and every game. Now, I'm working very far away from the base. He demanded I be there for everyone prior to it starting. If I forgot the shirt, I got beat to hell. I mean beat to hell. I was to arrive on time before the game started, sit in the bleachers, hot as crap out, pregnant, and wearing the shirt. Now the shirt had idiot's name, if I'm breathing oxygen, I'm telling the gospel, idiot's name and wife beside it. And if I showed up and I wasn't wearing that, I guaranteed a hospital visit. Guaranteed. And the thing is, is that he portrayed himself as this big sports person, he was gonna go pro, yada, yada yada. That man had if if he had super glue, man, okay, that piece of shit, if that piece of shit had super glue, velcro, monkey glue, gorilla glue, and whatever else, and had somebody literally take a ball and drop it in his clothes hands, he couldn't catch it. This is baseball, softball softball, softball, yes, and couldn't catch it if you dropped it in his hands. But he was gonna go pro, supposedly, whatever. So that's the kicker, and they are so charismatic and so manipulative, they find your weak spot, they placate to it, and they literally, it is it is the worst. I mean, it's it's horrific what people go through, and then they get away with it, and then they just move on to their next and their next and their next and their next, and nobody ever stops them. They continue to get away with it, and there is no ramification for their actions.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

I know a judge is to stop them.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

What judge?

SPEAKER_02 34:41

The one I carry every day.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Oh my god, he didn't just say that. Look, there's a package at the door. I can't believe you just made that comment

Reading The Memoir Before Surgery

SPEAKER_01 34:50

out. What? So I have told my husband for a very long time I did not want him to read Who Kicked First. Big Hey's, I didn't want him to see me in that light. And my daughter, who has been asking to read it since she was itty bitty, I said no, there's absolutely no way I would ever, ever, ever let you read it because I didn't want her to see me that way. And my biggest fear is that she's gonna want to go find him. And I've made her swear to me that that is driver. No, you won't. No, you won't. And why are you saying this? Why are you saying this on a recorded podcast?

SPEAKER_02 35:29

What? We're just gonna say hi.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

She has a restraining order.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

I know, darling. Well, I I'm gonna protect our family, take care of us. Yeah, uh-huh. So we're staying away.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Anyway, so I had this horrific dream and I decided that I want to read. I want I've never sat and read this book that I wrote, Who kicked first, and that I'm gonna sit and actually read it to my husband. And I don't know how he's gonna react to that. I don't know how he's gonna feel about it, hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Are you sure I agreed to this?

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Yes, you did. You know, I'm hoping you see the strength, and I think it'll do a lot. But there's so much you have no idea that I endured. So much. And here's the thing if God forbid I die in surgery this week. Let's just I know you're gonna say, Don't say that! Like, uh yeah. And you come across all of my hidden files and hidden letters and hidden evidence, you're gonna be like, What the hell is this shit? Like, here's a letter from this effing piece of shit to a brother that I didn't even know about. And it and you read it and you're gonna be like, Are you freaking kidding me? And then you're gonna have a gazillion questions.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

That's the brother that never existed.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah. So anyway, I I'm very seriously considering sitting down and and doing this and reading it with my husband, who is now like rolling his eyes profusely.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

I don't know if I can handle it.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

I think you can. I have faith.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

I I do want to say we meet a lot of people out and about, whether we go to the grocery store, the the clothing store, or dinner, and we talk to a lot of folks, and you know, we invite a lot of folks onto our show, and and like my wife said, we have folks like David Arquette. Say his name again, Cres Crescent Sars. Carson Carson Cresley. We always get it mixed up and I hope he forgives me.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

Carson Cresley.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

We can never mention everyone's names. You know, I just want to say thank you to everyone who listens, those of y'all that we invite onto the show. No, I got this. No, yeah, take off. You you don't I did a podcast by myself once.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

I know. I need to find it and replay it.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Yeah, oh Lord. Yeah that was that was at a surgery time. Yes. Was it before or after? Right after, because you were a little scared.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Everybody, please keep my husband and daughter in your thoughts and prayers. No, I never do that.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

You think again.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

You think of my husband and daughter, please, while I go in for this barbaric all day long six-plus hour surgery for me. Please keep them in there in your thoughts and prayers, please, because my husband will be asleep and my daughter will be sitting there scared and uh like worried.

SPEAKER_02 38:30

So this surgery involves her back and spine. You have to stay awake this time, which hopefully will relieve some of the pain that she's enduring every day of her life.

Closing Thanks And Father Joke

SPEAKER_01 38:40

You have to stay awake this time.

SPEAKER_02 38:41

We're gonna cut this short. I've got to go. It's Father's Day. So I appreciate y'all listening to a contagious smile and all you fathers out there. Happy Father's Day! Happy Father's Day. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Fat her.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

Fat her.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

Fat her. Here you go, kids. Here's one for your dad. Walk up to him and say, Dad, how do you spell fat?

SPEAKER_02 39:03

F-A-T.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

How do you spell her? What is that spell?

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Fat her.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Try again.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

Fat her. Fat her.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Try again.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

What am I stupid?

SPEAKER_00 39:14

It's father.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

Fat father. Father.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Good night, guys.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

Good night, y'all.